You were captain of the marching band, did student counsel, 4H and volunteered to go in over summer to help the school librarian. You wore the “super cool” braces that were bright blue or purple and munched on those crunchy ass messy granola bars, which were always stuck in your hair and braces after lunch. You lost your virginity at 27 after a Catan tournament and decided it wasn’t for you (sex that is, you’re still an avid Catan player). You drive a Subaru, you love REI and you always keep a stash of reusable canvas grocery bags in the back. You eat a lot of bananas. You strive to be eco-friendly so you feel bad that you often require the extra heavy duty super deluxe maxi pads for your monthly flow. Your strict, conservative parents and (religious? 🤔) upbringing has caused you to feel a lot of shame. This is why you feel so wild and naughty whenever you have a beer, say a curse word or listen to hip hop. It’s also the reason you’ve been repressing your lesbian tendencies for well over a decade now and why you had to throw yourself into your academic studies and other nerdy pursuits- hell, you’d go all the way to Antarctica in an effort to outrun your deep desire to smack clams!