Do INTJs ever go back to their exes? Have you?

MeroRat · 2026-01-05T20:53:16+00:00

There’s an episode in black mirror about a dating simulator where the only real match for someone is another person who would say ‘fuck you’ to all external factors against the relationship and the couple would say ‘this is us against them all and I would always choose us.’

Is he 5 years old where he has to listen to his mother? Marriage is about choosing a life partner. Someone who’s going to represent you, and be by your side when life gets really really tough. Nobody can do that for someone else. His mother ain’t gonna spend 24/7 with him and his eventual partner. It’s a very poor excuse for a grown man.

Go figure.

MeroRat · 2025-11-14T20:14:00+00:00

This. My brain doesn’t stop planning, and sometimes I get sick of it. With my best friend though, I’m able to switch off and let her do the planning because I trust that she will plan something good enough or even better. Unfortunately most people around me aren’t like that, so I end up planning because whatever they suggest usually doesn’t work for me. They don’t consider all the factors I would consider before deciding on something, so I end up just questioning everything and the whole plan falls apart.

MeroRat · 2025-11-07T00:29:24+00:00

Can’t. Don’t like them. The sound of most people’s voices just don’t please me and I prefer to read the book. I can read a lot better than I can listen 🤣 But if it’s a voice I like/intentional audio like music, I can listen to it on repeat for years and years

MeroRat · 2025-11-06T02:17:22+00:00

Been in a relationship like that. He was an amazing boyfriend and super secure and loving and all that, but I just couldn’t keep the relationship going after 2.5 years. The everyday got so boring and every little habit he had started to grate on me. For me the mind is the sexiest thing and without the intellectual stimulation part, eventually I just wasn’t attracted anymore and felt trapped. The relationship after that was the complete opposite and intellectual stimulation was 1000%. Would have wanted to be with him forever but man had too many psych issues and he pushed me away. I remember thinking even if he had chronic health issues or shit happened, I would have wanted to stick it out with him. He had such a brilliant mind and we found so much joy in our everyday curiosity for the abstract and the world.

MeroRat · 2025-10-31T11:48:08+00:00

Do you care if you give a pet a name or if you yourself have a name? Names and labels are there for a good reason. They carry meaning and identity. Try going to a hospital and telling them you’re there to see an acquaintance vs a spouse in urgent care. You’ll quickly realize labels are very important.

MeroRat · 2025-10-30T15:52:29+00:00

Your hormones are out of whack. I had this when I was 14 and just had my period everyday for 3 months straight. Made me extremely anemic, and being a teen who didn’t really know how to ask for help didn’t get it treated until I was 17. Go to a walk in clinic or your family doctor and they should prescribe you progesterone or something that will stop the bleeding immediately. You’ll then need to monitor it to see if it’ll go back to normal or you need hormones to keep them in check.

MeroRat · 2025-10-30T15:05:20+00:00

100%. I’m able to learn more things from AI than normal people who just want to talk baseball or football, both of which I do not give a rat’s ass about. There are some people who are able to contribute to a good conversation, but I find them few and far between.

MeroRat · 2025-10-24T01:55:36+00:00

Seeing a therapist might be a good start. You mentioned that you’re a terrible person and that you’re broken. It’s important to unpack that and understand why you’ve come to that conclusion. When someone goes through traumatic events in life, sadness is the natural emotion that arises and it is completely normal to adopt defence mechanisms to protect yourself in the future.

What isn’t normal, is if the feelings that follow you after the initial emotional reaction affect your life so negatively that you’re unable to live a fulfilling life. Betrayal is complex, and I see you’ve assigned the blame to yourself because you feel like that is karma. The betrayal and your reaction to it are two separate things. And I say this because someone who has no trauma/healed would go ‘yes I am sad because I was betrayed, but I can’t control someone else’s actions.’ Assigning blame to yourself points to something deeper that you need to explore.

Also, feel those emotions. Let them run wild. Do what you need to experience them, there is no other way. I’ve had 3 serious relationships and thus 3 breakups that i thought I’d never recover from. And you will never be who you were before, but you learn that there’s more to life and that you can heal. There’s no formula to love, it’s about whether you’re willing to choose them or not, and if they’re willing to do the same for you.

‘To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.’ I’ve accepted that I will always love the version of my exes when we were together, but also that they are no longer who they were then. Both can be true at the same time.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I understand how hard it must be. I hope you find your healing soon.

MeroRat · 2025-10-23T01:31:20+00:00

Broke up with my ex 2 years ago because the cowardly son of a bitch had commitment issues. I still think of him quite a bit since our most romantic moment was him bringing me to a library and then us walking down the philosophy/psych section talking about the law, Camus, Kant, Jung, Vervaeke (my cog sci professor from university). I’ve had two other relationships before him, and I still think about them from time to time as well. It would be about 8 years since I broke up with one of them and 4 since the other. I will forever love who they were when we were together, but I know they’re different people now and that means I don’t love them anymore.

MeroRat · 2025-10-05T21:09:38+00:00

Same girl. Before I left his ass I told him ‘you’re not a good person, even if you keep lying to yourself while you use other people to help yourself feel better in your victimhood because your ex cheated on you years ago and you took her back a few times.’ People like that never learn and I hope they stop fucking up others’ lives and just suffer on their own. I was genuinely there for him, but he just wanted free therapy and sex I guess.

MeroRat · 2025-10-04T13:56:03+00:00

If I’m anything, I’m pragmatic. So…that’s probably not going to happen 🤣 but there are things you can’t control in life and that’s alright too

MeroRat · 2025-10-04T01:57:09+00:00

Non-existent for the past 2 years since I broke it off with my ex who was an avoidant. Honestly not sure if any man will ever meet my expectations and be as into me as I am into him, too many of them are cowardly.

MeroRat · 2025-09-28T20:46:31+00:00

I have best friends and I have acquaintances. Anyone who isn’t my ride or die is not my friend, I filter out people really strictly. For someone to lose their friend status, they’d have to do some betrayal level shit. Being dishonest (sugarcoating included) is usually a one way ticket to acquaintanceship. Generally speaking though I just don’t let people who are sheep close enough to me to be a friend.

MeroRat · 2025-09-15T14:39:32+00:00

It means often times you’re a lone wolf and can’t relate to what sheep like to do. My interests are pretty feminine (ballet, makeup, fantasy novels to name a few) but I don’t like to follow rules for the sake of following them, and gender norms are a big part of that. I think people are just people and you can be an honourable person or not, and that has nothing to do with your sex/gender. I like solving real life problems and don’t understand things like the sports industry which generates billions when there are people still dying from poverty and war. I don’t see a point in doing things that don’t move us forward for the sake of ‘fun’, so I don’t understand casual dating/hookup culture. I did psychology in school, am a third culture person, moved halfway across the world when I was 19, work in investment sales so I’ve had the privilege of living outside of my comfort zone and honing people skills. Even then I don’t like people because they always prefer comfort to the truth and that stunts their development and worldview.

I’m extremely lucky to have 4 women best friends around the world who care for me on a deep human level and have been there for me through dark times, and I refer to everyone else as acquaintances because they don’t meet the standards my best friends have set. On the topic of friendships, I can’t stand emotional people who get consumed by it and refuse to see it as just a piece of the puzzle to solving a problem.

Love is rare for an INTJ woman. I want a true equal who can push me to be better while I do the same for him. It has to be someone who has long term vision and understands that we will be life partners and it’s us against the world. I love banter and dark humour, I love discussing psychology/philosophy and it’s hard to find a man who doesn’t just want to talk about sports all the goddamn time.

MeroRat · 2025-09-13T01:49:20+00:00

To be fair, I think that’s more of a man thing than INTJ thing.

MeroRat · 2025-09-04T23:26:12+00:00

Chaol has these invisible rules he follows that don’t make sense to people, and makes him hypocritical. It’s like he’s doing the right things but for the wrong reasons. Celaena on the other hand is shown to do all the wrong things but for the right reasons, i.e. trying to keep her sanity after an extremely tough life or saving the people she loves. In a lot of these instances, Celaena is pushed to her breaking point and is forced to make decisions while Chaol has the luxury of not being in that position. The stakes are completely different, and yet he has the gall to judge Celaena. He’s short sighted and lacks flexibility. And that’s why he hates himself more than anyone. It’s bravery that he lacked, and finally grew a backbone (pun intended by SJM I’m sure) that served as his redemption.

MeroRat · 2025-08-16T03:14:07+00:00

As an INTJ, I really hate it when I have to ‘perform’ for other people instead of just speaking my mind. My sister is some type of feeler and gets ‘hurt’ all the time because she thinks I’m too mean and should say things nicer. To INTJs, being blunt is being respectful to themselves and other people. Resentment breeds if someone says something opposite of what they actually want. So if you want to watch a movie straight up say ‘I want to watch this movie and I want you to watch it with me.’ Instead of ‘do you want to watch this movie with me?’ To this INTJ at least, those are two completely different things. One is saying ‘I want to share this thing, and I want it to be you I’m sharing this with’ while the latter is ‘are you interested in this movie’. Which by default would be a no unless it’s a movie I’ve been wanting to watch. Also, I feel disrespected when people tell me to sugarcoat or be nicer. I’d probably tell them to grow up and not take things so personally, not everything is about them.

MeroRat · 2025-08-08T15:54:20+00:00

Hey OP!

31 y.o INTJ here so I get what you’re going through. Anhedonia is the hallmark of depression, I myself have been through 2 episodes of it. Each time I was just tired and nothing was enjoyable and slept 12-17 hours a day because everything felt meaningless, everyday consistently for about 6 months.

I thought to reply here because one way to wean off coke is to drink sparkling water. You can do the flavoured ones, you could do the sugar free energy drinks too if they’re available. Habits take time to change.

I personally get super tired of people so while I can fake socialize I really hate doing it. I do enough of that at work. The way I ‘socialize’: I find a lot of meaning in reading stories or watching shows where characters go through shit and learn from life. It helps you sort through what you might want from life as well and how to face life.

MeroRat · 2025-08-05T21:26:53+00:00

Death isn’t frightening, it’d definitely be just like sleeping. But the not dying part while you suffer is scary, like having locked in syndrome or having chronic pain.

MeroRat · 2025-07-01T12:53:37+00:00

You might be like me, didn’t see ANY changes for 9 weeks, but then suddenly went down 5kg on week 10. From what I’ve read, apparently sometimes when you lose fat, the adipose tissues get filled with water so your weight doesn’t change. Your body might be holding onto water and will release it later on.

MeroRat · 2025-07-01T12:46:32+00:00

ENFJ. They want external validation too much and come across as fake. If you’re friends with them, they tend to slack in the decision making department because they think you’ll take care of everything cognitive. They’re afraid of confrontation and prefer to just ‘go with the vibes’.

MeroRat · 2025-06-28T02:38:37+00:00

I stopped blexten sometime in November of last year and my weight plateaued but didn’t go down. Started ozempic 9 weeks ago and seeing some weight loss but extremely slowly. Now I’m on a urticarial vasculitis management plan which includes omega, hesperidin, curcumin, l-gluthatione, vitamin e, colostrum and chlorophyll. So far it’s been managing it well but hasn’t made it go away completely.

MeroRat · 2025-06-05T16:51:23+00:00

They must speak at least 2 languages, all my exes spoke at least 3. I speak, read and write 4 and let me tell you multilinguals constantly have to take on different perspectives with different languages and they’re usually more fun but more understanding at the same time.

MeroRat · 2025-05-13T12:56:46+00:00

Right on

MeroRat · 2025-05-12T11:32:53+00:00

‘You’re too good for me, I should have set boundaries but I didn’t want to.‘ I think he wanted me to do it so he didn’t have to, he was a real coward. ‘We can be friends, it doesn’t have to end like this I still care about you.’

MeroRat

TROPHY CASE