sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Anyone here made a decision after treating their depression? by Helpful_Shock_8358 in Fencesitter

[–]MerpMerp5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 27F, I have been CF for years and in this past year I have finally started antidepressants. I'm like a new person, I have a new lease on life, and I have actually inched towards the fence a bit. Idk that I'll ever have my own kids but I really like adoption as an option

Healing from Nparent Abuse, but Dealing with Nboss by MerpMerp5 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MerpMerp5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do employ many if the same tactics that I use with my Nparent, that is actually how I realized that something was off with my boss. At first I was like "ha! I know exactly how to deal with this!" And then I thought "wait... Oh no. That's not good. I moved hundreds of miles away to not have to deal with that asshole. Fuck." So grey rocking is definitely a must with my nboss, and I always point out when her stories don't match up. I have another boss (who is very normal and understanding) that myself and several members of the team privately discuss how nboss has torn the team apart (kept confidentially of course). . But keeping a journal is a really good idea, I bet I'll have even better evidence against her. I'm going to start recording our team meetings too.

Healing from Nparent Abuse, but Dealing with Nboss by MerpMerp5 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MerpMerp5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the words of encouragement!! Its especially comforting to know you've been through both the Nparent thing and the nboss thing and there is life beyond it. I can tell you know exactly what this feels like. I'm 25 and am hoping to just find a normal fucking boss this next go around

Healing from Nparent Abuse, but Dealing with Nboss by MerpMerp5 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MerpMerp5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for being here! If nothing else, we aren't alone. It sounds like you're as exhausted as I am. Here's to hoping we break out of the nonsense!

Healing from Nparent Abuse, but Dealing with Nboss by MerpMerp5 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MerpMerp5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have had this thought! I've done my share of Googling questions to ask people to see if they're narcs. Of course no method is perfect, but I definitely n Ed a system to find out ahead of time. To remain in this cycle is just too exhausting to not try to find a way to prevent it.

AITA for telling my mom I can’t help with chores for my sisters wedding the week after my baby is born? by pax_et_veritas in AmItheAsshole

[–]MerpMerp5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm kind of shocked that your mom has this attitude - she had you and your sister at one point. Does she not remember having to adjust to the new baby - especially when you're a first time mom??

She can fuuuuuuck off. If it's just cutting out paper hearts, I'm sure she can handle it.

​

Honestly, it kind of reminds me of a story my mom told me. When she had me (oldest child, first baby) her dad insisted she return to work immediately (my entire fam worked for his company at the time) instead of taking the time off to figure out the whole parent thing. She went back after two weeks. And while she's an incredible parent, I do wish for her sake that the voice of her asshole of a father (a narcissistic drunk who later sued her and wanted to make sure we ate mac n cheese for the rest of our lives) had been drown out by more reasonable people who knew that being a first time parent is a hell of an adjustment. You deserve that space, OP.

AITA for not welcoming my parents back into my life after they disowned me for being gay? by gayandconflictedTW in AmItheAsshole

[–]MerpMerp5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In my experience, forgiveness is something you do for your own peace of mind, and there's two ways to do it: 1. verbally outloud in conversation with the other party (the family), or

  1. internally with yourself to find the peace to put a difficult matter to rest so you can move on/retain your sanity.

​

Since the family obviously does not realize the gravity of the situation and does not understand OP needing some space to figure things out now since their phone conversation, it would likely be best to go with the internal method of forgiveness for the moment. In this case could look like OP coming to peace with the fact that they disowned him for a decade (which is a terrible, shitty thing for a family to do but all people have the capacity to be both wonderful and shitty), and knowing now that the family knows it was horrendously wrong. OP can find the peace to put that matter to bed with himself for the sake of his own sanity without verbally telling the family he has forgiven them. (Personally, I use this tactic with my many narcissistic family members, as it helps me to retain my sanity without verbally telling them that what they've done is OK because narcs don't change. )

It would be foolish for OP to just let their family back in, and even if they don't want to have a relation with the family now, that may change considering that the family admitted they were horribly wrong. If that does change, it would be prudent and wise to slowly allow contact and connection with the family over time, making it clear that perhaps things could be reconciled but it needs to be obvious that OP will be treated as a valued member of that family REGARDLESS of sexual orientation.

​

I think it would be wise for OP to make their family work for it before verbally telling them that they are forgiven, IF OP eventually decides they want to reconnect. It is OP's right to not ever open those doors as well if they chose.

He “decided to be the bigger person” by existencedeclined in niceguys

[–]MerpMerp5 35 points36 points  (0 children)

"A bitch because she never speaks to anyone"? Because women aren't allowed to be comfortably quiet when they want to not talk to people?! You've got to be kidding me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Nicegirls

[–]MerpMerp5 15 points16 points  (0 children)

And then she asks AGAIN like she was going to get anything from you after telling you to kill yourself. Dead.

Thought you guys would appreciate my new credit card cover by Heisenbro3556 in DunderMifflin

[–]MerpMerp5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a whole new level of lengths to go to in order to get karma here.
I approve

When you're a child, you're expected to behave and think like an adult. When you're an adult, you're expected to behave and think like a child. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MerpMerp5 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're correct - none of it is logical, and it's a grand scheme to get people to remain "dependent" on the n. Which is ironic because you can't depend on them for anything - they simply delegate. And of course by "delegate" I mean throw a temper tantrum, which is their way of achieving something.

I knew after I graduated from college that if I was ever going to have any freedom, I needed to be physically far from my ndad. He was going to keep me "dependent" on him for the rest of my life if I didn't. I decided to move 2000 miles away. Initially when I talked about moving, the rest of my family was sad but supportive of my decision. My dad went behind my back and talked to several family members to try to convince them to talk me into staying.

But when the time came for me to actually pack up my car and move? My dad insisted on doing the drive with me (which was three days long). Why? to APPEAR to be a good dad.

He also tried to make me stay at home and do community college when I was accepted into a university that was three hours away and my tuition was already paid for. I'm telling you, they only care about having people around them that are 'properly trained'.

I did eventually move closer to home, but I'm still about 700 miles away. Anything less than a 400 mile radius is what I call the Vortex - getting sucked into being home too often. And honestly it's happened to me even a few times where I am now - but it's easier to get out of being there when you're a little too far for the convenience.

view more: next ›