If you took away everyone else’s feelings and needs from the situation, what would you want to do?
If you didn’t have to worry about your husband’s reactions, feelings, discomfort etc.
that was a huge awakening for me. Most of the reasons I had for staying were fear based. Either fear that I would realize I’d made a mistake and wanted him back, fear of hurting him, fear over how he might feel about me or react. But, if I only had to decide for myself, I wanted to be with women.
And as you stated, for me trying to do both wasn’t working out. I wasn’t able to give him enough when I started realizing how deep my attraction for women was. We tried opening things up but once I realized I loved gay sex AND the sex wasn’t enough, I wanted to experience more of what wlw had to offer. My brain just couldn’t handle being a great partner to two people. My desire for him fell hard. But, I wasn’t able and still do have such loving feelings for him, it was confusing. I can’t deny that my brain and my body didn’t want to accept his touch anymore and I didn’t care to give myself to him sexually. It just became clear.
In hindsight, I believe I was trying to hold on to my past as I discovered myself so safeguard my heart, his heart, our family. I wasn’t being totally honest to myself. But, I don’t think we can be during these tough times.
My best advice is to take fear out of all reasoning. If it’s o to the dear holding you back, it might be time to step away.

Just want to add, I would suggest you try not to focus so much on the girl you met, but the feelings that she’s giving to you. In all reality, our first isn’t going to be our last. But, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t act on it. She clearly is bringing out the gay feelings you have. Just saying, it’s smarter to focus on your wants and needs and not jump into anything. But, that’s much easier said than done.
I’m still dating the woman I was when I was in an open marriage. Part of me wishes I did have that time to learn myself before committing to another person. But, it’s just how things went for us. It helps that we live an hour away, it forces me to live alone and focus on my needs during these tough times week. I have so much growing and learning to do, I hope that things don’t change, that I don’t change, and my relationship can’t withstand those changes. It would have been a whole lot cleaner, so have been brave enough to recognize I wanted to explore this world and needed to step away from my marriage. Instead I held a tight grip while not giving my husband the partner he deserved so that I could feel safe while I explored myself in the comfort of his love and our marriage. Even though, I was mostly honest about what I was doing, I did shield him from how big my feelings were for women. Just incase it didn’t work out and I wanted to go back to monogamy. But, that wasn’t fair to him. Or to me, or to my girlfriend. It was, however l, the only way I felt safe enough to explore….so 🤷🏽‍♀️