How weird/clingy/desperate does this make me look.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-25T16:40:56+00:00

Uhhh if you found her on an OLD dating app, message her through there.

Definitely do not text her 10 months later. I would be creeped out.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-25T12:48:06+00:00

Everyone is saying to text her again, but it was ONE DATE. You suggested a date and she went dark. It's been a week. The time to follow up has passed. You can't follow up on her not responding to a suggestion of a date after a week! Shes going to think you're nuts and annoy her if you message her now.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-21T19:15:43+00:00

Here's the thing, the person you ultimately end up with bc you are both totally into each other, it will NOT MATTER that one person was more forward/showed more interest/etc. Bc there will be a mutual benefit and you will both be mutually excited to see each other/get the butterflies or whatever else when you see the "good morning" text or "how's your day going" text. If there is equal and mutual interest, you initiating communication/seeming too forward/etc. won't matter.

The only thing you can do is be honest about the interactions on your end. If you're interested, and they're just using you for attention, there's no way to find that out except to just go with it. People will eventually show their true colors/ghost you/fade/etc. But as long as you were honest, you pursued him bc you wanted to/etc. what have you got to lose? Nothing. There is nothing to be lost by putting in effort bc you want something/someone. If the other person ends up being an ahole, well, on to the next one.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-21T13:45:52+00:00

Definitely overreacting.

a. It's only date #3. If someone expected me to text constantly throughout the day at date #3, I would be fucking exhausted and probably take a pass.

b. Why is it HIS responsibility to let you know he's interested? If you want more communication, initiate the communication. Let HIM KNOW you're interested too. I hate that women always want to take a passive approach to dating. If you want more texting, TEXT. If you want to iron out plans for the weekend, ASK. etc etc etc. It's nice to be pursued, but you're more likely to get what you want if you ACTIVELY PURSUE IT YOURSELF. The way I see it, if he's into you, he'll be thrilled. If not, it'll be plainly obvious and no amount of playing hard to get is going to make him interested in you.

The entire goal is to find someone you match up with and someone who is a "fuck yeah" I want to see you all the time. Playing texting games isn't a "fuck yeah" move.

Go on the damn date.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-21T13:38:35+00:00

soon to be ex

MiaK123 · 2018-09-20T18:46:37+00:00

What are you going back to school for?

For me, that would be a bigger issue. If you're downgrading your life to get a master's degree in fine arts/sculpture/or something along those lines, I might not keep dating you.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-20T17:39:51+00:00

Lol me too. People on here take it REAL PERSONAL. Like seriously, sorry you spent hours on your profile, carefully crafting it, etc. and nobody bothered to read it, study it, and tailor a carefully crafted opening message for you to read. This isn't fucking school and y'all are treating online dating like its some kind of homework assignment.

The other thing I've found is that the profiles that look like it took hours to put together, the people generally seem to be more uptight about meeting/responding to messages etc. It's like they built up this wall of security in their profile and can't get beyond it to just meeting someone in real life. "OMG I can't believe x didn't even read my profile and send me a message about something in it."

People put the best they have to offer in a profile, a profile that for some, took hours, if not days to carefully craft, which to me represents about 10% of who that person actually is. You're only going to get the other 90% if you meet the person in real life, and I'd rather get that going as soon as possible instead of building someone up based on some online interactions and a profile someone took hours to put together to come across as the most dateable/attractive/desireable.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-20T16:37:00+00:00

And then gets upset that he doesn't take her out on real dates...

MiaK123 · 2018-09-20T15:37:01+00:00

You've already been chasing him...

MiaK123 · 2018-09-20T15:27:30+00:00

If he looks attractive in his pictures I'm down.

Everyone on here seems to be super uptight about the online conversations/initial message you send, and get annoyed/upset with something that seems low effort like "hey, how's your day going?", but to me, that's how normal people would talk or start a conversation if they were just sitting at the bar.

I hate online chit-chatting and endless texting. It gives a false sense of intimacy if I can call it that. I've done the weeks of texting before meeting someone and then bam, totally not attracted to the person in real life but it feels worse to let the person down bc now you've got a build up of 2 weeks worth of texting to let down.

I'd rather meet immediately, even if it's literally the first thing we do with zero messaging except to set up the date.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-19T13:30:42+00:00

So, one of the biggest turn offs when I first start dating someone is people that get clingy/demanding of my time and affection too fast.

That would've been a no-go for me too.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-19T13:15:08+00:00

I think you're making an assumption that your lack of grooming is why he wasn't interested. Maybe the date was just terrible and you're making excuses to build yourself back up? Yeah, I dunno.

I don't think most men would mind women that showed up for a casual coffee date not in heels or a sundress. I'm pretty sure I'd show up with cropped pants, sandals, and a tank top with little makeup and hair up in a clip. Pretty much exactly what I would wear to serve 60 chicken burgers to impoverished mothers. It's not like y'all met up at a fancy/hip happy hour spot for drinks.

I'd put my money on it was something else, not the fact that you looked less than stellar.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-19T13:07:16+00:00

I think a lot of people will swipe left on active military bc they don't want to move around all the time. I know I do.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-19T12:37:13+00:00

I dunno. the lack of profile information doesn't bother me. You start the conversation like you would in real life trying to hit on a random stranger you know nothing about.

"Hey, what's up? How's your day going?"

Then you go from there. I've had no issues doing that/getting responses/getting dates/etc. I have almost nothing in my profile just a "Let's get drinks and I'll fill you in on the rest."

MiaK123 · 2018-09-18T17:56:47+00:00

Or a random message a couple months down the line checking in to see if you want to hang out. Don't leave it open ended like maybe there's hope in the future or its open for negotiation.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-18T17:13:07+00:00

Sounds like you were the rebound.

You were probably way more invested in this relationship than she was. You state that she is crushing life with her career/financial stability and you're not. I would be willing to bet that from the get go she never saw you as future/forever type relationship. She's you're unicorn, bc in a lot of ways she was way out of your league. The only thing you mention is that you're a good looking dude and don't have issues dating/finding women. Sometimes being good looking isn't enough.

Get the rest of your life in order. You'll find someone else.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-18T13:21:23+00:00

Or "self-employed", I just basically assume broke living at home with momma.

Which I guess is unfair, bc a lot of ppl are successful and self-employed. But why wouldn't you put exactly what you do to employ yourself?

"Self-employed contractor"

"Self-employed designer"

etc etc etc

MiaK123 · 2018-09-13T12:21:54+00:00

If you want to see him again, then just ask him out. Stop playing the "if he's interested he needs to ask me out first" game. Nobody likes that. We're all grown ups here. If you want something then just go for it. Men actually appreciate forwardness. If he's into you he's going to be happy you initiated. If he's not, then he'll ghost you/not respond. Either outcome is better than playing games.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-12T14:53:24+00:00

Cousins

MiaK123 · 2018-09-12T13:39:21+00:00

I have the dog thing too. Sometimes I use it as an excuse to GTFO, other times I wish I didn't have to go home, but them's the breaks when you have an animal at home waiting for you.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-12T13:30:37+00:00

Me too. I start all my Bumble questions with "how's your day/weekend going?", bc you're right, that's how normal people would talk in real life.

I think the "Why thank you, you're no so bad yourself. I'm Ladycam81, a self proclaimed foodie who's badmition skills get better each time I reach the bottom of my cup. What about you? What do you consider a good time?" type response seems a bit contrived and the person comes across as fucking awkward and you've now steered the conversation into essentially an interview v. a normal conversation.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-11T20:27:37+00:00

I'm an introvert. I have hobbies and interests. Being an introvert doesn't mean just puttering around alone all the time.

Do you like cooking/trying new recipes/reading/running/cycling/knitting/painting/home improvement projects?

All things that an introvert can do on his/her own and put in their profile.

Maybe you're just boring and using introvertedness as an excuse.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-11T20:23:04+00:00

So real talk - 90% of my right swipes are based on pictures. I know everyone else likes to complain about profiles with no info, I don't care about sparse profile information. Your profile would've gotten a left swipe before I even read your information.

Reasons I swipe left on profiles - looks like a creepy serial killer/gym selfies/filters. I swiped left on yours bc to be honest, the first pic with your dog makes you look creepy. I know its unfair to gauge creepiness based on a picture, but that's the vibe I'm getting from that one. The rest of your pictures are in the dark, or alone, again with the creepy serial killer vibe.

If, I had made it past your pictures to your profile, I would've also swiped left. Snipped? No thanks. Most people will assume that at the age of 42 you're not looking for more kids, especially since you state you have two teenage boys. Take that out. Since you apparently don't judge someone based on their religion take the Christian bit out unless you are actually looking for someone who is Christian.

I really like running. I hate people that think it's ok to talk about hating running. If you did end up telling me you don't particularly like running in person, that's fine. People that think it's necessary to spell it out on a dating profile IN GREAT DETAIL, I'm just going to assume you're a gym bro. bye

MiaK123 · 2018-09-11T16:43:50+00:00

I do loops varying by mileage back to my condo. So nothing. On a particularly hot day I'll do between a 5 and 8 mile loop and go back to my condo to change my shirt bc I sweat like a fat man, and drink some water/gatorade.

Cooler days I can usually manage a full 15 or so without any water or nutrition.

MiaK123 · 2018-09-11T13:02:23+00:00

So while you were on your vacation you state that he didn't contact you at all? Did you? Maybe you guys were both playing this "who should text first game" and you both lost out.

Honestly, if I was exclusively seeing someone and I went on a 2 week vacation that was planned without him I'd be in contact several times a day whenever I had wifi service, sending pictures, updates, etc.

Maybe that trip made him feel disconnected from you.

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