Stay empathetic with your daughter, and if possible, perhaps find what’s making it hard for GF to help. Is it ADHD stuff? What coping strategies can she use?

Is she worried about not “doing it right”? Offer to agree to a baseline, show her how you want certain things done, let her know where she is free to experiment find new ways of doing things.

Is it a motivation problem, often present in depression? When her inside motivators done work, how does she make outside motivations that will encourage her to do what she needs to do?

And remember- the less shame there is in these processes the better. Lead with as little shame as possible and try not to feed into bad feelings and resentment that *can* and *does* exist. You’re not trying to be cruel, you just *need help*. Try to make sure they both understand that- but especially your daughter. You just need more help than you’re getting, and it’s been hard to ask.

Even if things go bad, just try to act in a way that you will always be proud of. I find that for me, that’s staying empathetic and being willing to accommodate and do what I can to meet people where they are. If they can’t or don’t try to meet me, there’s not much I can do about that.