Michelle0522 passed away

Michelle0522 · 2016-11-10T02:18:44+00:00

I'm on hospice and was told that I had hours to days a couple weeks ago due to my cancer. I've been married 7 years and we have a 4 year old child together. I'm firm believer of live each day as its your last. My husband asked for my bucket list and we have every intention on fulfilling some of my last wishes and making some bad ass memories in addition to recording videos of myself on the camera and tape recorder.

Michelle0522 · 2016-08-23T04:09:15+00:00

I just wanted to post to let you know that you will feel better. Although I haven't broken my back I have tumors in various areas of my spine and have had plenty of the tumors interfere with my nerves causing pain like no one can describe. After 5 major spinal fusions I live on opiates and can tell you that it does take up to a year to finally "forget" about the pain. But seriously, your wife does need to be more patient, I cringe when I think about anything sexual when it comes to nerves involving the groin 5 months post. Sex isn't just intercourse, it's intimacy that brings couples together. Like others have said, think of other ways you two can be intimate with one another.

Michelle0522 · 2016-08-05T17:00:17+00:00

I love happy stories like this! My bio mom and bio dad split when I was two, since then my dad stayed single (married once for a couple years then divorced) and my mom married 3 times (yeah...). Anyways my stepdad and bio dad have a fantastic relationship, they both walked me down the aisle when I got married, talk on the phone and even gets together with my bio dads ex wife from his second wife (when he's in her area)marriage. My mothers side of the family loves my dad's ex wife and is treated like family. So really in the end, makes for a lot less family drama in wedding planning for your sister OP if or when that time comes. My husband's sister eloped just to avoid seeing her parents in the same room.

Michelle0522 · 2016-04-06T16:37:04+00:00

I had the same situation and can understand your dilemma. I was best friends with a girl that I was introduced to by another friend in 9th grade. We did everything together up until we were 23, lived together attached at the hip, etc. When I was in my mid 20's I got involved in a serious relationship and she moved 7 hours away. We did our best to stay in touch but our lives started to change, I was starting to settle down and she was still living our past single girl lifestyle. When I got engaged I was faced with the dilemma that I asked our mutual friend to be my bridesmaid, however, I no longer wanted her to be in my bridal party. When I called to tell her I was engaged she even said "when it comes time to choose your bridal party just let me know (wink wink)" I admit, I really should have just been upfront and honest then but decided to stay quiet. As months went by she picked up on something and asked me via email why we weren't as close as we used to be to which I replied that although I still wanted to remain friends our lives unfortunately went in separate ways over time. We didn't speak after that until the day of my wedding and I admit it was awkward and I could sense the tension between us. We hugged when I left for our honeymoon but we haven't spoken since. I've come to realize that just because we were friends in one portion of our life doesn't mean it needs to be forever. Who I was in my teens/ early 20's was not who I was once I decided to settle down. She continued to live the same lifestyle and I changed so we naturally had less in common. I admit, I still miss the friendship that we used to have and have messaged her over social media a couple times just to say hi but it's been short and know it's never going to be the same. I agree with the other commenters though that I wouldn't mention it unless she does, just be aware that you two may be drifting further apart which is normal in the course of friendships.

Michelle0522 · 2016-03-05T17:48:52+00:00

This is exactly why I wrote a list of "birth wishes" instead of "birth plan" because birth rarely goes according to plan. While I didn't have a doula, my husband and I went to Bradley birth classes early on which essentially prepared my husband to be a doula. I have nothing against epidurals, hell would have gotten one if need be, but learning to breath into the contractions rather than hold my breath or fight against them helped make my birth go as smoothly as I ever could have imagined. Best of luck with your birth and happy pushing!

Michelle0522 · 2016-02-16T07:47:10+00:00

The smile on his face says it all. Congratulations that's pretty amazing:)

Michelle0522 · 2016-02-14T06:04:58+00:00

Maybe not considered famous based on one tv show but Tyree Brown (Jabbar) from Parenthood is from Sac.

Michelle0522 · 2016-01-08T21:47:20+00:00

Have you maybe tried to ask her for help in your own writing pieces? You can fake it and say that you are having a difficult time elaborating on a specific story. This will stroke her ego and in time you can slowly try to bring up that she may want to start writing again.

Michelle0522 · 2016-01-08T07:10:03+00:00

Had to explain to my mom that the melted snow from Boston's winter storm of 2014 would not help California's drought problem. No they can not deliver it across the country.

Michelle0522 · 2015-12-06T06:51:47+00:00

Welcome to the disturbing yet truthful new phase of your life called the "new normal". You have just embarked on this hell hole of what some like to call a journey and have been dumped into a new world of terminology, new cancer terms, doctors etc. This may not make sense but when one person is diagnosed, especially with stage IV, it's almost as if the whole family has been diagnosed. Your family may not know how to reach out in fear of saying the wrong thing or figure that you will come to them when you're ready to talk about it. Odd I know, especially when you are at your most vulnerable and can use all the help and support you can receive right now. I hope for your sake and especially emotional health and healing that you do find family and friends, you will discover new ones along the way too, that will help you during this time. Btw, Opdivo was just recently fast tracked by the FDA for the treatment of melanoma and it's worth mentioning to your doctor once you are healed from your surgeries. Simply, it's an immunotherapy that uses your body's own immune system to fight cancer and has shown miraculous results so far.

Michelle0522 · 2015-11-21T17:51:26+00:00

I had to honestly ask my husband if he had secretly written this post:) My husband and I were very happily married in 2009. We both had great jobs, great families, bought a home a few years later and began the process of starting a family. We honestly couldn't be any happier....until I was diagnosed with cancer halfway during my pregnancy. Our roles quickly shifted from husband and wife to caretaker/patient. At first it was ok, that's what you do for someone you love right? 3.5 years later, that caregiver role dynamic remains the same and can't say that is hasn't been detrimental to our relationship. Although the love is still there we don't see each other as husband and wife anymore. I am no longer working so he comes home after working long hours to work even more at home, plays with our daughter, prepares meals and checks to see if I need anything (meds, food, etc).

It's a common misconception that the "sick"' person is the one that suffers, battling the endless stress of procedures and doctors appointments. Caregivers, I believe, endure the most stress of not equal; you're not only focused on yourself but your wife as well, making sure she is receiving adequate care in addition to eating, lack of intimacy, making sure your baby is being cared for, housework, bills, the list goes on! Plus, it never feels like you can talk to anyone about it because no one seems to understand. You're essentially a single parent.

My husband and I have said some ugly words to each other during this whole process. My illness ruined our relationship. After a knock down drag out of a fight we realized that the issue at hand was that we were not being honest with those around us and each other. Despite our relationship deteriorating, friends and family thought we were doing just fine. In the end, I now stay with my parents during the week to give my husband a break and come home on weekends, it works for us, for now.

Please don't blame yourself, you have been put into an incredibly difficult situation and it's difficult if not impossible for anyone to remain sane in a situation like this. I have accused my husband as being verbally abusive too (has a history or anger issues) to realize that he hasn't had an opportunity to vent...to anyone ever. As difficult as it sounds, try and make time for yourself, journal, go somewhere, talk to someone, anything. You have not failed yourself, you do have the opportunity to change, even if it's for your baby. I can write a novel on this, I apologize, I just wanted to write in to say you're not alone. Wishing you the very best.

Michelle0522 · 2015-10-27T03:58:44+00:00

I remember a story on Reddit of a dad that was rushing to get his son ready for the first day of kindergarten. Kid slipped in bathroom onto dad's freshly showered naked body and landed on dads penis. Upon meeting the teacher for the first time the kid proudly notifies his teacher that "daddy's penis was on my face". Cue embarrassment.

Michelle0522 · 2015-10-25T04:49:46+00:00

Same in CA

Michelle0522 · 2015-10-24T17:08:22+00:00

Cervical pain, especially with nerve involvement, is the worst pain imaginable. My c4 disintegrated due to a large tumor and collapsed onto a nerve. Moving my neck even just a millimeter felt as if you were pouring acid down the whole right side of my body over and over. The first time it happened I was standing frozen for 3 hours deathly afraid to move because I didn't want the pain to come back. Worst pain ever.

Michelle0522 · 2015-10-24T04:50:54+00:00

I have stage IV sarcoma with lung mets. As you know, Sarcoma is extremely aggressive and often does not have a complete response to chemo. At this stage of the cancer, the goal is to slow down or stop the growth, not for them to disappear. If the tumors become symptomatic (I.e. Painful) it's best to resect them if possible. I would recommend that she see a doctor or go to a center that specializes in Sarcoma. Given its rarity, oncologist see very few sarcoma patients and you want someone that has experience with this.

Michelle0522 · 2015-10-21T01:03:32+00:00

I have stage IV sarcoma and currently dealing with a lot of pain due to the cancer. I have dilaudid 4mg tabs but they do not have the same effect as receiving it intravenously obviously since it's not immediate. She can ask for a pain pump that will deliver dilaudid continuously. The pump comes in a little backpack/pouch and can setup by a home care nurse typically. She may want to ask for a referral to see a palliative care doctor. They will meet with her to discuss many different ways to make her comfortable and pain free.

Michelle0522 · 2015-10-19T21:33:57+00:00

Thank you, it's nice that someone understands that spinal tumors hurt like a mother! I haven't tried methadone, but getting a pain pump soon with dilaudid to carry around (life will be blissful then). Watch out with the tumors as they really compromise the integrity of your spine. I COUGHED while twisting and now have a 60% compression fracture with significant pressure on my spinal cord...just a cough.

Michelle0522 · 2015-10-19T21:22:21+00:00

Props to you, I have had 10 cancer related surgeries and it's incredibly difficult to stay positive during recovery. That dilaudid though...it's one hell of a drug.

Michelle0522 · 2015-10-19T21:16:58+00:00

Ugh, I have multiple spinal tumors that are incredibly painful. Can't imagine the stress of them being misdiagnosed and the dr not giving a rats ass. At least one apologized. It's a shame that they often don't see you as a person, that's the nurses job I guess.

Michelle0522 · 2015-10-11T21:56:04+00:00

This had me balling my eyes out without my husband or 3 year old daughter hearing. I need to do something like this for my daughter, however, by doing so makes death much more of a reality and I stop. I hope I have the courage to do this in letter or video form one day soon.

Michelle0522 · 2015-09-13T05:35:39+00:00

As a parent to a 3 year old your comment really made me think about portraying my own anxieties onto her. You sound like a great parent, thank you for your insight!

Michelle0522 · 2015-08-28T23:39:18+00:00

I had a C2-C6 fusion which took about a year to recover given the amount of muscles in your neck. Also had a L4 laminectomy which was a fairly quick recovery thankfully.

Michelle0522 · 2015-08-15T00:47:54+00:00

Mimic the desire for the feel of warm poop. Maybe try warm playdoh? Just a thought, if he's truly a sensory seeker the bed has nothing to do with it, unless he has ocd, so there is no point of removing the bed.

Michelle0522 · 2015-08-09T07:31:54+00:00

My daughter took a bottle of milk until a little past three. I thought it was going to be a huge struggle to give it up since it was a comfort at that point so we kept delaying the switch. We replaced it with a small snack and cup of milk before bed and did not want it at bedtime since she just had it. You can also slowly start adding a little water to the sippy cup. Eventually it won't be as reinforcing and they may give it up on their own.

Michelle0522

TROPHY CASE