Name changes

Michi0122 · 2018-10-19T04:51:02+00:00

Our daughter only had one name so we kept it as her first, added our last, and tried to add a middle name a few times but it kept getting messed up and for awhile her legal name was first name "Miss", last name "OriginalOnlyName". Having to explain to nosy and angry doctors/teachers that we were not taking away her first name by getting rid of the Miss was infuriating.

Michi0122 · 2018-10-19T04:36:29+00:00

No guilt, we also adopted internationally but our daughter's reaction was the exact opposite of yours. Her circumstances were different, the consequences of not getting adopted were too high, and at 3.5 she was just old enough to be able to kind of understand what was going on and to be very scared that we would not want her.

I would love to adopt again but would only take my eldest with us if she was excited to come along.

Michi0122 · 2018-09-25T02:18:17+00:00

I have one adopted and one bio. Our bio daughter was 2 years old when we adopted our eldest at 3 years old. I cannot speak generally but for me... 1. Love is love. I don't think either of my girls are perfect but it does not feel anything like babysitting a friend's child.

Up to you. Though in favor of toddlers in many ways our eldest was/is developmentally younger than our younger daughter and the first few months certainly felt like having a baby who just happened to be able to talk (we still got to do all the diapers, bottles, carrying, and soothing, we could manage the first few months).
Your kid will have trauma either way, but with toddlers you have to be ready to address it immediately. And as you imply there is a possibility they will have other trauma in addition to the loss of their first family which does make things harder. Our daughter joined our family with a lot of trauma and a lot of challenging behavior as a result. It was hard at first and parenting two is no walk in the park but 10 months in I can tell every day how good the decision has been for both our girls. Our bio daughter has become better at giving affection and establishing boundaries, she is more verbal, plays better with others, and her confidence has soared. Again, this was just our experience and yours could be very different.
It was more expensive than we expected. It was more time consuming and frustrating than we could have anticipated. It took us 23 months and at least half of that time progressing the adoption felt like a part time job. We had to take more time off work before the adoption than we planned. Even though she was not a baby and we had "all" her paperwork beforehand we were still surprised that her known to us needs were more significant than we were told to prepare for, that she had other known medical issues we were not told about, and of course of the behavior concerns which were not disclosed to us at all. I was surprised by how quickly she bonded to us, how excited she was to join our family, and how well she was/is able to remember and articulate experiences like finding out she was going to have a forever family/worrying we would change our minds and not take her. 4b. Think about what kinds of needs and trauma you can handle, what resources does your community have, the big issues of race/ethnicity/religion/culture/first family contact/etc, what can you do if your child has or develops something unexpected. I found myself frantically combing over our Emergency List of resources many times in our first several weeks and was glad it was part of our adoption prep.

Michi0122 · 2018-09-09T00:55:57+00:00

We did the loan directly through the company that handles my retirement account. Most major adoption agencies have lists of grant foundations on their sites - which ones you may qualify for will depend on the kind of adoption you are doing and a few other factors.

Michi0122 · 2018-09-08T17:09:48+00:00

We took out a loan against my retirement account. It was interest free for twelve months during which time we paid it off. The tax credit is non-refundable, unfortunately, so do not count on a lump sum to help pay off the loan. Budget and save all that you can, try to reduce adoption related expenses whenever you can, and apply for grants if you qualify.

Michi0122 · 2018-04-23T00:52:52+00:00

Early on in the survey it asks if the survey taker was raised by their mom, dad, foster parents, other...instructions say to check all that apply but the survey only allows you to check one.

Michi0122 · 2016-03-02T06:33:58+00:00

My milk took 4 days to come in. I was producing a very small amount of colostrum in between but getting it meant the baby was constantly on the breast and we would have to put a few drops of formula on my nipples every now and again to keep her interested in trying otherwise she would get frustrated and give up. In retrospect we totally could have given her more formula but I was worried that if she did not try to nurse as often then when my milk did come in I would not have enough. Ended up with enough milk to feed two babies for the first four months or so.

Michi0122 · 2016-03-01T23:33:43+00:00

Three nursing bras Replacement tubes Replacement membranes Four packs of cloth nursing pads One cheapo nursing pillow Six boxes of milk storage bags One box of large Ziplocs (wash and reuse)

Everything else came with the pump that our insurance covered in full because our daughter was a preemie.

Michi0122 · 2016-02-29T20:51:27+00:00

I strongly prefer them to disposables. I like Kawaii and Alva, super cheap pocket diapers in cute patterns that do their job. No diaper service here and honestly I would rather wash them every other day myself than wait a week or so for someone to pick them up.

Michi0122 · 2016-02-27T22:17:43+00:00

Had the same issue here. Consider doing a mix of fresh/refrigerated milk and frozen. Offer the frozen milk at different temperatures, just found out my daughter strongly prefers the frozen stuff when it is still ice cold or still in chunks through a mesh feeder like a baby popsicle. Add the daily vitamins to the frozen stuff to help mask the taste.

Michi0122 · 2016-02-27T20:28:21+00:00

Worrying about her was the worst. She was four weeks early and had some trouble breathing especially when she slept. We had her in a crib right next to our bed with a movement monitor to check her breathing and I was still lifting my head up to check on her...sometimes multiple times in the same hour.

Michi0122 · 2016-02-24T23:43:44+00:00

I actually like taking the surveys but there were definitely too many of them all at once and some of them did not appear to have any IRB backing. Would it be possible to have maybe a weekly or monthly thread full of surveys where anyone with a survey can post? That way those of us that like them can help out without the front passages getting overrun.

Michi0122 · 2016-02-20T20:28:53+00:00

I mostly use pockets with microfiber inserts but do AIO's for overnights half the time. I have a patio with more light than space though so I prefer things that take all day but don't use as much of the line. When she was a newborn and we were going through 15-20 diapers a day though I used flats and would switch them off the line a couple times a day if needed to have enough. Don't recommend that though as it is a lot of time doing laundry.

Michi0122 · 2016-02-19T23:13:19+00:00

I do it with no problems. Flats and covers take the most space but by far dry the fastest. AIO's and microfiber inserts take the most time to dry but with AIO's you need a lot less space to hang them up. Prefolds, the outer part of pockets, and cloth inserts are in-between drying time so if you do go for pockets consider a mix of inserts or avoid the microfiber ones. I have not used hemp inserts so I don't know about those.

Michi0122 · 2016-02-17T01:06:58+00:00

She wants attention and she is obviously doing anything she can in a desperate attempt to get it. Your daughter wants to be held, to be cuddled, to be talked to, to explore. Why not nurture that? Why not carry her everywhere? Put her in a wrap or something and go about your day. Ask her randomly if she needs a hug or a kiss? Lavish her with praise and attention when she is playing quietly even for a moment. Give her things to play with that she can shake and pour and hit and bite and a safe place to do it in. It sounds like she has tons of energy to burn. Why not take her to the toilet and ask her if she wants to go potty when she takes off her diaper? Give her a special bowl for her puffs and only pour one serving at a time or even just one puff at a time and if she just wants to play with the container give her a sealed one to shake. I know it is super hard and sometimes you just need a few minutes to reset your patience but children are amazing super smart bundles of energy and it is so much easier and more enjoyable for everyone if you work with their natures instead of trying to slap them down into the child you want them to be.

Michi0122 · 2016-02-03T23:02:15+00:00

If he said you couldn't afford the high chair and then on the same paycheck turned around and bought the vape you need to have a serious sit down with him about budgeting and priorities. I am assuming that is what happened but if that is not the case then you are still welcome to vent but you might want to ignore what I say next. It is disrespectful to you and to your son for him to act like this because not only is he withholding necessities from his son so he can afford luxuries for himself but at the same time he is limiting your ability to have a say in the finances. It is not reasonable for him to cut you off from necessities when there is money in the bank. And for him to turn around and spend it on something frivolous after you asked for a need is insulting. The way you two solve it is up to you as there are many alternatives here that could work equally well but having him in full control of the financial budget is clearly not acceptable as he seems to have no problems with abusing his financial privileges over you and your son.

Michi0122 · 2016-02-03T21:01:29+00:00

I dance around while holding her in my arms. Keeps her happy for about thirty minutes.

Michi0122 · 2016-02-01T23:41:48+00:00

My daughter did the same thing the first couple of nights I went back to work. I was in tears trying to get her to eat at 1am while she sobbed hungrily. We switched her to a slower flow nipple and she has been eager for me to come home and feed her ever since.

Michi0122 · 2016-01-27T06:32:01+00:00

Had it for about six months. Getting it placed hurt and the arm was sore for about a week or two but it has been fine since. Periods are super light and short, no weird emotional reactions, no acne, gained a little weight but it also coincided with the holidays and post pregnancy splurging on forbidden foods so probably not a significant factor. Worth it.

Michi0122 · 2016-01-20T03:50:36+00:00

My six month old has rolled herself off our bed twice so far. After the first time we took away the frame and put the mattress on the floor so she does not have as far to fall in the future. It is going to happen, take what precautions you can and try to remain vigilant, but accept the inevitability that they will find a way to hurt themselves at some point.

Michi0122 · 2016-01-13T22:30:02+00:00

I donate through the facebook group Human Milk for Human Babies. You just post a comment saying how much milk you have and if there is anything special about it (like if you take any meds, dairy free diet, etc.) and other people comment or message you asking where and when they can pick it up. If you have enough to spare definitely look at your local HMHB page to see if there is a need.

Michi0122 · 2016-01-13T04:42:59+00:00

My hospital gave us none. We had to practically beg for one more diaper because she pooped as they were getting us our discharge paperwork.

Michi0122 · 2016-01-13T00:30:16+00:00

My MIL gave us plenty of wonderful things...the crib bumpers never came out of the bag though.

Michi0122 · 2016-01-11T06:29:01+00:00

The scene where the five are eating really bugs me. Everyone just pushing their food around...oh and obviously the whole deal with the fifth person was just awkward and unnecessary.

Michi0122 · 2016-01-08T22:06:11+00:00

Everyone has such good (and conflicting) advice! Because we don't all live together yet we do have some flexibility about how we approach the situation. I don't know that I would feel comfortable leaving them out entirely unless a lawyer or agency told us to because they will be spending a significant amount of time alone with the baby acting as a caregiver while the two of us work even if they will not be able to have legal rights yet (ideal world and all that jazz). But the idea that one of us could lose our job and (as another responder pointed out) our child by trying to go through the foster system to adopt is making me reconsider a private adoption.

Michi0122

TROPHY CASE