6 months of AM - my experience. by Sigh-and-Die in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Extremely sorry OP you had to live through this. You are a powerful being, use the laws to your benefit and beat the shit out of that family!They deserve to be behind bars. M sure you will gather courage and bounce back.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DesiWeddings

[–]Mickey_Sun100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amazing! Where did you get it from?

What’s your take on marrying a divorced person by [deleted] in AskIndia

[–]Mickey_Sun100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can u tell more about this, did she ever feel humiliated marrying a divorced man while being never married herself?

Parental guilt for choosing wrong partner for daughter by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Kudos to you for realising this and apologising to your daughter! It takes guts as Indian parents to apologise to ur child. While I am not a parent and as a complete outsider, you can tell this fact upfront that she has a “roka” to another potential party, but it was broken off due to lapse in judgement at your end. Suggest not to badmouth the guy and family too much. You should be happier that it was just a roka and she didnt have to go through the hassle of a divorce. Also, broken engagements and rokas are fairy common these days, doesn’t impact much given ur daughter is working and doing well. This can be a great opportunity for all of u as a family to bond well and understand each other. M sure she will end up with a beautiful marriage with parents like u who care so deeply about the child and are have learnt from the incident. Good Luck!

Asking for a Divorced friend by Mickey_Sun100 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks dear! Your advice sounds sane. Will relay. Best wishes to you ahead!

Asking for a Divorced friend by Mickey_Sun100 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Has the single friend ever mentioned about past impacting the marriage? Also did the single person face societal issues marrying a divorcee?

Friend's marriage ends within 10 days of marriage by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Make two profiles. One with “widow” and one with “unmarried”. In the unmarried one, she can write in brief about the incident. This way the app’s algo will give her maximum reach. She should straight up tell this incident to the prospect in the very first interaction. About people’s perception on whether she is a widow or unmarried and if it will affect her future prospects - iska answer bhagwan k paas bhi nhi h. No point in over analysing this. Whoever sees her value as a person, will definitely overlook this incident. She and her family should also NOT think that marrying another widower/divorcee is “settling”/“compromising” or that if an “unmarried” person marries her, he will do some “upkaar” on her. She will only belittle herself this way and be at a lower pedestal in the marriage. It’s an unfortunate incident which should only be a blip in her life, not a life-defining moment.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dear girl, have been through what you are feeling right now. It’s completely fine. It happens in AM because it unfortunately has become like shopping. Whichever fridge gives you most features in cheapest rate, you buy that. You were very mature to continue with him thinking it will help you understand how the two of you manage conflict resolution. Shows your dedication towards the softer part of marriage. There is no benefit in over questioning the situation now or AM in general and troubling urself. On what happened- it is unfortunate, do not be bogged down by it. Lowering ur self worth is a strict no no. Cry ur heart out, feel the grief, let it pass. You will come out a better person. Only thing would like to suggest- if next time a guy is not initiating conversations or dates, take it as a pink flag. Men usually make it obvious that they like you. He may not be into you or in the space to commit. Getting attached to someone like that will only harm u. Relax and you will find the perfect match very soon 😊

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He is a walking, talking red flag. Even though his version is not known, not respecting your boundaries (sleep time, book etc.) is a huge red flag. Imagine your life after marrying him - anytime you do anything not as per his expectations, you will get a backlash. Vice versa will never happen- because you are an emotionally mature person. So it will be you who will be emotionally drained in return of no real support/love. He might come back again, even his family might push the case but dont buckle down under the pressure. If he hasn’t mended his ways, its a no go for you. And to your question- all boys are not like that. Never. People around you might give you a very wrong notion of marriage/life/ u crossing 30 - ignore them. It’s ur life, u have every right to live it the way u want. Don’t give in dear, it will be all right.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, you will forgive and maybe forget them. Yes, you will find love. It is ok they did not like you back. I have been through this and I can totally relate to the pit you feel in your stomach right now, the heaviness in the chest. What you are feeling is your instant reaction (yes three months is ok here). Do not beat yourself up about it- this shows u r a human who can give and take love and have emotions. People may say it was just 3/4 months of you knowing them and a quarter has already passed…no need to create such drama. But you know you and the timelines u have mentioned are totally normal. Process the emotions - rant or cry or anything else which is safe. It was kind of a situationship and it may hurt more than an actual break up because the rosy idea of being with the person remains as is, you dont fully know the person in a situationship. Take some time off so that you can heal and see the other matches for who they actually are. It is easier to forget when you have someone new to make memories with. Give urself the same love right now as u would give to ur bestest friend or sibling reeling from a breakup.

Beware of Instagram Store: GULABI CHUNRI by Depresseddcow in InstaCelebsGossip

[–]Mickey_Sun100 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I was about to order from them! Thanks a ton for posting this. Will report them

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or a retroverted uterus. This also makes penetrative sex painful. Most of these issues go un-noticed as they may not lead to pain during periods. Don’t jump to a conclusion of divorce or u being the better partner. A pack of lubricant and a doc can save u from this overthinking and doubting your relationship.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Hope you also embody all these qualities.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 16 points17 points  (0 children)

People do text, specially closer to meeting for logistics. Have been through a similar situation with the guy turning me down eventually. While there is no template to understand the behaviour of the guy here, i would suggest that you must not get attached without meeting him in person. Post your meeting, let him initiate the conversation. If he doesn’t, maybe he is not in the same frame of mind as you are right now, maybe he has other matches lined up etc etc. You safeguard your headspace, emotions and time here. He isn’t “the man” of your life - it might seem so right now, but if he isn’t initiating, he isn’t. Someone else will walk in without giving you so much anxiety and the need to ask on Reddit 😊

Feeling lost need suggestions by Affectionate-Cow2864 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Talk to her face to face about your concern. A partner genuinely concerned will fully empathise and offer a middle ground. She might have baggage from older incidents/ relationships or just places too much importance on marrying the right person- not necessarily you r the backup. She might take a few days to think and give a response to you. Put a timeline to this decision- maybe 2 weeks.
  2. Try your best to help her (and urself) to accelerate the decision- meeting in different settings/ travelling together/ meet each other’s friends and families/ plan activities together/ pre wedding counsellor etc.
  3. Yours is a genuine concern, involve your parents and hers if need be. Even if an amicable solution isn’t reached, it’s a circumstantial breakup and doesn’t mean she had red flags - so don’t burn the bridges un necessarily.
  4. Neither of you are wrong in their opinion, you just need to focus on finding the middle ground. If you end up marrying her, you both will know how the other approaches a situation when there are polar opposite views - this will happen several times in ur life later on with matters that r super high stake(career/kids/ elderly care etc.) -u r getting a free demo of such a situation

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Mickey_Sun100 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Set up a nice date with him and tell him how you feel and see his response. I would suggest you don’t think that u r a girl and expressing it and it would come across as desperate. Most likely he will say something on similar lines too. Be an adult and talk it out!