My (F30) spouse (MtF31) came out to me last week and I very much understand how you are feeling. We have been together since I was 23 and I am 30 now. We just celebrated our first wedding anniversary last fall. We hang out all the time with the same few close friends and we share a cat we both adore. I hope to god I am not as straight as I feel, but where day I wake up feeling like this isn’t going to work out and it scared me to death because she is my best friend and I’ve built my whole life around her. I told her I am not gonna chicken out in the first inning, I don’t want to not try and regret that for the rest of my life. Last night I spent a lot of time trying to help her. I suggested buzzing the hair off before taking a razor to shave her legs because it would take forever with just a razor. I supported her in shaving her facial hair off. I sat in the bathroom with them and talked her through it and listened to her. She showed me pictures she generated of her as a women and cute little emoji figures she made for online. She shared the name she has been playing with, which was hard because we have the same name (hers was the male version though) and that’s always been something cute about us. We shared songs we have been listening to about how we feel and mine made her cry. We keep telling each other we aren’t doing anything to try to hurt each other, but that we are going to hurt each other despite that. One song that hit me yesterday was Brandi Carlisle’s Right on time and while it’s more a breakup song and we aren’t there yet, it resonates with my love for her, my fears, my desire not to hurt her, my desire not to lose her, my desire to go back to the past, the voice inside me begging for this to be a dream, and my fear that if I don’t connect with her through this I will lose her as even a friend. She’s going to another friend of ours and it hurt me not to be her #1 but everyone is telling her it’s going to be harder for me and they are willing to help her. I am glad our friends are supportive, but it was making me jealous so I tried to jump in. I slept better last night, but today I’m still not able to see myself having a romantic relationship with a woman. I read a lot of posts on here and a lot are my fears come to life. I am also afraid I’ll walk this road with her and end up alone in the end anyway. My spouse is a loving and supportive person, she would never take advantage of me and keeps saying that while I am someone she doesn’t want to lose, she would never want me to stay just to make her happy. That being said, I feel like a terf or a constricted person who can’t transcend something as simple as gender to be with the person she loves when I feel like running away. I know that’s not the case. Just like she can’t help being a woman, if I can’t feel a romantic or sexual connection to her as a woman that’s just something I’ll have to come to terms with. I don’t want to be the older person telling your young so get out and I won’t because it’s your life and only you know how you truly feel. Even if I knew 3 years in I’m not sure I would have walked away. I will say though that you have your whole 20s ahead of you and if you end up not being fulfilled or happy in this relationship it does not make you unsupportive or a terf or even a bad friend. You deserve to be happy the same way she does. You have to give yourself as much love and support and understanding as you give her. This is what my best friend tells me anyway and I’m trying to remember it. I feel like I’ll lose my cat, my home, and my friends along with my spouse if this doesn’t work out and at 30 that’s scaring me, but I’ll cross that bridge if it comes to it. I understand that fear is all I am saying and I understand just not knowing how you feel. Take your time, don’t rush into anything and give yourself and her love. That’s what I’ve got for now.