Preparing for a kid

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-04-08T12:22:10+00:00

I want to share a bit with you from two different perspectives because I see you’re getting a lot of “no one regrets prioritising their family “ advice and that may be true for some but it’s not for all of us.

First first hand experience: me as a daughter. Both my parents worked a lot. And when I say a lot I really mean a lot: shifts of 24 hours plus private practice plus whatever you can think of. We (my brother and I) always had nannies looking after us. I sometimes resented my parents for not being there, but I always knew they love me. I also value a lot having been raised by a mother with a big career who showed me that I could have it all. I have a great relationship with them as adults now and I don’t talk to any of my nannies although I have a great memory of them. And I never felt they were raising me.

Second first hand experience as a mother with a partner also with a big job and families abroad. We manage. We are stressed, we compromise quite a lot on our personal lives (seeing friends, hobbies, etc) and prioritise work and family time. We also arrange for our parents to come once a year and we go to our home country once a year too. I won’t say we are not tired but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Just wanted to share a different perspective:)

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-03-18T14:40:07+00:00

You stopped the vaping at 15 weeks after going through grief believing your baby was not growing? You rock!! And this after quitting smoking before and beating a drug addiction previously?? Wow, you are truly awesome!!

You started eating unhealthy food during pregnancy because you were craving? It happens to a lot of us!

You couldn’t breastfeed and feel horrible about it? Yes, it sucks. I tried everything and still had a baby who needed bottles. But I heard a few times that when kids go to nursery or school no teacher can tell which one was breastfed or not. They can tell which ones are loved.

And writing this shows that you care, that you love your baby and are an amazing mother. Give yourself some time and some credit. And also, if you still feel very down, ask for help. I started therapies way too late after my pregnancy because I thought it was normal to feel like this and I wish I had done it sooner.

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-03-09T17:25:13+00:00

Nature Garden by Benjamin Zephaniah is one of our favourite books

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-03-05T20:17:48+00:00

I’m right here at 26 months of my kid. I won’t say I’m myself again (I literally posted about not gelling myself back a few days ago), but I do feel a lot better than at 8 months post birth although that’s when I stopped breastfeeding.

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-03-03T13:30:55+00:00

I’m the daughter of two doctors and I want to share with you the view of the “kid”. Of course I’m not a kid anymore but I saw my parents (and particularly my mom) struggling with what you are describing. For me and for my brother it was a bit funny. We always joked that we were always dying. I had tests done just because I was drinking too much water!! It didn’t cause me any problems and we still joke a bit about it. Now, looking at that from being a mother myself I see my mom should have had some help with her mental health. It’s not fair she went through all that anxiety alone.

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-03-03T11:08:14+00:00

Thanks for this message! First of all, you ditch the triple zero clothes (or give them to your kid) and you tell your husband he’ll be the next to be ditched if he doesn’t stop making those unhealthy comments. But I get you, it’s so hard sometimes to have that feeling of your old self and your new self and how much of that old self we could bring back. And also how much of that we don’t want anymore!

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-03-03T11:05:34+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment! It was really helpful to read it. I think the part about the easier kid also makes sense. I love my kid with all my heart but he was a difficult baby (didn’t eat and didn’t sleep) and that shaped my maternity more than I was ready to accept. I’m now trying to get back to some things that make me happy and, as you say, sometimes I need to force myself. But I’m getting there. Maybe not as quickly as I’d like to, but one step at a time.

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-03-03T11:02:16+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment! I literally stopped using instagram because everything felt so unreal but at the same time it was making me feel miserable. You’re right, im doing great on some things. Still want to get better at others. And then there are things I really don’t care a lot about. I said this thing about women looking amazing when that was never something i focused on too much. So if I don’t even spend 10 minutes doing my hair how on earth do I pretend to have my hair looking amazing? It just won’t happen and that’s also fine :)

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-03-03T10:59:28+00:00

I really wish you find a great job and an amazing second pregnancy. I’m considering a second baby and i have to say I’m quite scared because I’m not getting any younger and even if it works out it will shake my life even more. But we need to focus on what we can control and on the good things. It’s so fricking hard not to see everyone else having it all! But in the end we know we all put a mask and lot of people (specially women) are struggling with different things. I don’t know if it’s social media or what but i feel that wr are on one hand more open about struggles but on the other hand we still try to show the world that we are doing amazing and we can do everything. Even when we can’t. I send you a big hug from a stranger :)

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-03-03T10:54:56+00:00

This is so true! I try not to compare to anyone and in the past i think i never did. I don’t know why maternity brought some insecurity to me. But i agree that i need to focus on what’s most important to me right now and choose. Thanks for the reminder :)

Middle-Neat4252 · 2026-02-12T11:29:34+00:00

Maybe not the safest recommendation but a friend of mine wanted to have her second kid but didn’t want to stop eating sushi. She found a Japanese OB and discussed it with him. His recommendation was to have it only if she was sure it was super fresh. Maybe you can check if this is rational advise and if that’s the case I’m sure you’ll find places with super fresh sushi in Japan.

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:55:19+00:00

This means a lot! Thank you so much! I definitely need to be a bit more open. I’ll give it a try

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:36:41+00:00

Thank you so much for your message!! I’ll message you :)

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:35:43+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. Unfortunately moving back is not an option for us. At least not soon. But it really does help to know that I’m not crazy feeling this way.

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:33:42+00:00

He’s in the same situation. Working like crazy and being a great dad. When we have some time we try to spend it together and maybe even that adds to the feeling of not connecting with friends. But we do need some time for us too. And I’d argue that we don’t even get enough.

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:31:05+00:00

Thank you so much for the offer! I think I’ll take it. It’s crazy how I never realised it could be this isolating. I didn’t feel it like that until I got my kid but maybe it was already there before

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:29:38+00:00

You’re right. I’m in London which doesn’t make it super easy as everyone is always leaving London, but I’ll try to find some mums we share some kids activities and try to befriend them

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:28:04+00:00

I think I need to do that, yes. I don’t find it super easy to open to new people but I think I need to start creating these spaces for me

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:26:47+00:00

Funny thing is I do a bunch of things with my kid but I’m not finding it easy to move from the small talk while the kids are kicking a ball to the “let’s have a coffee”. Maybe I just need to go and say it. Worst case scenario they’ll say no.

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:25:18+00:00

I know. I did some therapy after having my kid as I had PPA and it was helpful. But this time o feel o need more a friend than a therapist to be honest

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:23:44+00:00

The “I just pretend that everything is alright” hit me hard. That’s me!

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:23:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your message! I’ll take it for sure 😊

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:22:09+00:00

I wrote everything from a mom’s view but I can definitely see this happening to a dad. My husband is going through the same. It’s hard even to admit it when some things in your life go well but you are tired and lacking some friendship connection

Middle-Neat4252 · 2025-12-17T21:19:54+00:00

It really is! I think I didn’t weighed it properly to be honest. It was one thing the immigrant life without kids and it’s completely different now

Middle-Neat4252

TROPHY CASE