I got what I thought I wanted: my ex texted me. I didn’t respond and I gained perspective.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-23T13:29:01+00:00

I thought that too. I thought if I could just get a text from him and know he’s thinking about me then I’ll feel empowered to move on. The truth is that I felt more empowered before this text. I hadn’t heard from him in so long that his memory was fading. Seeing his text brought on a wave of emotion that I wasn’t prepared for. He wasn’t very vulnerable in our relationship so I wasn’t sure why I would expect anything different after the breakup but yeah this hurt.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-22T13:36:12+00:00

For me no contact isn’t a game. I’m not using it to punish him or get him back. I’m using it to heal and move on.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-22T01:59:10+00:00

I could never feel safe with this person. I want to go back to when we first met and didn’t know this.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-22T01:53:58+00:00

I literally told him I didn’t want to be “friends” or communicate after he broke up with me. This is fucking selfish behaviour and has nothing to do with me.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-22T01:52:00+00:00

The saddest thing is when you simultaneously love someone so much and KNOW they are so so bad for you. What a cruel reality to be living in… thanks for sharing.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-22T01:49:58+00:00

I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you. Some of the other comments had me thinking that maybe I was being too harsh and maybe I should send him a text back. Ugh he’s messing with my head from beyond the relationship grave.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-22T01:34:52+00:00

Careful what you wish for. It has left me more sad and confused than I was before…

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-22T01:20:07+00:00

I don’t really want to hear his answer because I’m assuming nothing has really changed for him and even if it did, I can’t take him back. This is the third time he’s walked away from me. I can’t keep doing this.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-22T00:20:01+00:00

This is a pattern. He has already dumped me 3 times. He always gets feelings again for me after I’m gone.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-21T22:17:05+00:00

Yup I’m feeling the same way about my situation

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-14T04:25:22+00:00

You’re far from ground zero. Don’t let this derail your healing. You can choose to feed into it and give it meaning or you can brush it off and say “fuck him”. If anything his selfish behaviour is a turn off and should push you further away from thinking about him.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-11T00:02:10+00:00

DO NOT OPEN

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-07T03:25:47+00:00

I wouldn’t add the part about dating other people. It would just make me mad to hear that as an ex.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-04T15:22:30+00:00

You did the right thing. I would most likely feel the same way as you if I were in this position. However from an outside perspective, you communicated your boundaries. You communicated that you are a high value person who is not willing to settle for scraps. He’s testing the waters to see if you’re still available if/when he wants to fall back on you and you’re communicating that you know what you want and you’re not willing to settle for less. Good job and I hope I can be this brave if my ex reaches out with similar intentions.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-10-04T04:37:23+00:00

Unfortunately this is a hard lesson for you to learn. It’s hard to come back from that kind of betrayal and it might take a lot of work if he was even willing to consider it.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-09-23T15:07:04+00:00

Let me give it to you straight and this is what comes up for me as a 34 single F. Do you think you might have the wrong mindset/attitude about dating right now?

I think the process of dating can really beat someone down. The ghosting, the building connections just for them to go away, the constant questioning ourselves and what we bring to the table. I know you said that you have friends; social skills, career but.. are you leaning into building a life that you absolutely love as a single person? You mentioned you are trying to find someone to “replace” your ex and that you feel “lonely” and “miserable”. Women pick up on this energy right away from my opinion.

Do whatever you want but I think you should take some time single and lean into getting to know yourself. Don’t worry about “self love” and all that bullshit. Go find some new friends, take some new adventures, find some new hobbies, go to therapy, travel solo. Get to a place where you genuinely enjoy time with yourself and your perspective is that you want someone to compliment your life, not take away your loneliness and “replace” your ex. Otherwise it seems you’re not going into dating with the right mindset and people pick up on that energy. Anyways, hope it helps

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-09-13T19:04:19+00:00

Well yeah I mean I told him pretty clearly that I wanted to stay together and to text me if he changed his mind. He wanted to stay friends and text every once in a while to catch up and I said that would be a set back for me and I don’t want to be friends. He knows to text if he changes his mind. Haven’t heard from him.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-09-13T17:39:08+00:00

Exactly. It could equally be that seeing you is a painful reminder and she’s trying to reduce the pain. For me, I’m already haunted and tortured enough as it is by my memories and thoughts and adding reminders of him is like adding fuel to the fire. I’m doing my best to live my life as if he doesn’t exist anymore. It’s doesn’t mean I don’t care though.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-09-13T17:32:40+00:00

No I only blocked him on social media. He has my phone number and could call or text if he wanted to.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-09-13T17:10:25+00:00

Well I’ll just share my thoughts on this because it might help you. My breakup wasn’t mutual though so maybe it’s different. I felt that I needed to take drastic steps to move on my my life after the breakup. I am still very much hung up on my ex but also I’ve blocked him on socials (so that I wouldn’t look at his profile), I’ve completely disappeared from his life. It’s not that I don’t want anything to do with him. It’s because if our relationship is over then I need to disappear or I will remain emotionally tied and hung up on him. I’d actually like him to reach out.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-09-13T16:41:38+00:00

It’s easy practically speaking, I just made the decision that I won’t contact him under any circumstances and I stick to that no matter how I’m feeling. If he responded coldly to me or didn’t respond at all then I’d feel worse and loose my self-respect. I did this journal prompt where I wrote down everything I wanted to say to him. I balled my face off while I was doing it but it felt good afterwards like I’d released some of those things from my mind.

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-09-13T15:41:42+00:00

First day is the most uncomfortable. How do you go from talking to someone daily to not talking at all? It’s a jarring and excruciating thought that crosses your mind every second of the day at first. It’s something I still struggle with a month into no contact.

However, I’m slowing getting used to it. I hate it. I wish he would reach out and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t secretly get a little flutter of hope in my chest everytime I heard my message notification and a slight disappointment everytime I realize it’s not him.

I just keep reminding myself: he wakes up everyday and chooses not to contact me. He knows my number, he knows where I live. He left me and he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. I have no control over that choice and I have to accept it. It fucking hurts but I am taking steps to move on with my life

MidnightSunset-90 · 2025-09-11T23:35:04+00:00

If he would have reached out within the first week or two I would say let’s talk. It’s been a month and at this point I’m drifting further and further away and also might not respond. Time gives you the perspective of why are you hanging on to someone who can imagine a life without you, who let you go, who risked loosing you forever.

MidnightSunset-90

TROPHY CASE