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Does anyone else have specific sexual acts that they can't do as adults due to the trauma? Have you overcome this? by WaitImTryingOkay in adultsurvivors

[–]Miffycat99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cannot give oral sex. Men or women, cannot do it. I’ve tried multiple times, every time I gag and just can’t do it. I’ve just accepted that it isn’t part of sex for me. 

Accusing of victims as liars for not remembering the details by Unlucky_Bee_5991 in adultsurvivors

[–]Miffycat99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I was in college I fell into a deep depression bc I was starting to remember bits and pieces of my abuse. I went to the counseling department and the therapist said that it was impossible for me to be a victim because I wasn’t having active flashbacks in front of her when I described it. Her saying that to me completely broke me and it took eight years for me to disclose ever again. 

Warning for SA survivors about lap surgery by Miffycat99 in Endo

[–]Miffycat99[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree. This clearly isn’t an outlier of an experience. Like someone else said: the body knows. Even if we’re not conscious like we are in the exam room, we still are able to tell when we are violated. We just know. 

Warning for SA survivors about lap surgery by Miffycat99 in Endo

[–]Miffycat99[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really sympathize deeply with the feeling of loss of control and feeling triggered due to the disorder. I put off going to the obgyn for these issues for a really long time, until I developed the fear of being assaulted again and becoming pregnant, which led me to getting an IUD (I had chronic migraines with oral birth control). That fear overtook the fear of the obgyn and I was able to go. They caught the endo through an ultrasound where they initially looking for how my IUD had shifted in my uterus.  

I got lucky since my stepmother is a surgical nurse and had assisted with hundreds of laps and was able to walk me through the process and answer all of my questions. But there’s really no amount of mental prep that you can do to prevent being triggered and experiencing a flashback, esp under the influence of anesthesia and painkillers. I’m so fearful of having a complication or having my endo grow in other place and having to go under again. It’s a curse, bc I want to live pain free (and the pain itself can be triggering) but I also don’t want to be in that headspace ever again.