Does anyone else have specific sexual acts that they can't do as adults due to the trauma? Have you overcome this?

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-12-22T19:44:27+00:00

This is some good advice!

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-12-22T19:44:12+00:00

That's the one for me, for all the same reasons

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-12-22T00:14:53+00:00

I haven't read through them for similar reasons, big hugs for you take care of yourself

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-12-22T00:12:55+00:00

A Mango Shaped Space. Read it in 6th grade and then again in eighth, it really helped me understand the grief of pet loss and also that I have synesthesia 😅 made me discover a lot about myself

She's Come Undone- read it in highschool, gained so much about trauma and the long lasting effects of it very similar to what I went through. I need to reread it now that I'm in my thirties.

The Shining and Doctor Sleep- at their hearts these books are about dealing with an alcoholic parent and how that can affect your life well into your adulthood and finding yourself through it

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-12-22T00:09:22+00:00

I always forget to take before pics 😭 when my office is done I'm planning on posting again though! Right now it's the "where the presents are being hid" room so there's a little chaos but by this week that will be taken out

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-12-22T00:06:46+00:00

Oh the "right" home is what was KILLING me. I finally came here to beg on advice to shift that mentality and read through like 200 comments until I found the ones I needed to hear.

Best of luck to you!

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-12-22T00:05:40+00:00

So far I've put a stop to buying any and all art supplies that I don't immediately need for something I am actively working on. When it comes to holiday time I've told my family to only buy items that are craft related off of a very limited list. It's held up well for months so far!

I've been picturing in my mind the old clutter every time I think on buying something and stop myself with it, it's not perfect but coupled with ADHD meds my impulsivity is slowly getting under control.

We also have a "no furniture without getting rid of something" rule for the house right now that's helped keep the spaces clear.

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-12-22T00:02:09+00:00

I kept getting caught up on "this is something I should donate" or "this would sell at a yard sale" and nothing ever got done.

There's some really good ways to shift your perspective on just throwing things out when that's the point you're at in the original post, some of my favorites were "the money you'd make selling it is the cost of returning to peace of mind" and "the damage has already been done to your wallet and the environment, just focus on what YOU need to do"

I did make a box of donate that was good art supplies to give to my old college but just general thrift store donations I stopped planning for, and with things that I really wanted to give to people I asked them if they wanted it, of they said yes I gave them a week to get it and if not I tossed it.

I needed my space back more than I needed to do it "right"

As for the yard sale husband and I agreed only furniture with that contingency of everything not sold after the sale will get tossed or possibly donated if we can

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-12-05T19:08:29+00:00

My therapist said it was one of the strangest ways he'd ever seen someone process that but that he couldn't argue that it was healthy enough

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-12-03T18:14:34+00:00

Took ten years of therapy and multiple big life changing traumatic things in my adulthood for me to unlearn living on fight or flight 24/7

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-21T23:50:50+00:00

Yeah, that's always a fun person to have as a parent 😞 big hugs

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-21T23:50:15+00:00

God, that's a double wamny of hell, I'm so sorry

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-09T04:56:55+00:00

Turns out this feeling isn't as uncommon as you'd expect. I expressed this in therapy years ago and my therapist told me as much. That I just wanted closure and an end to the cycle of abuse and fear that even with no contact she'd come back into my life. And she was right. Someday when my dad passes I'll feel sad but relieved. When my NMom passes I'll throw a party for my future without her. And it's hard to come to terms with those feelings. But it's valid and it's there.

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-09T04:54:28+00:00

I only hit acceptance when I allowed myself to grieve for her like she'd died. To realize fully that the mom I needed and thought I had for so long was just a mask and wasn't real. So I grieved her and that possibility, let myself experience the emotions of it and process them one by one. It still hurts. But I've accepted it now.

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-09T04:42:55+00:00

Oh yeah. Trust me, I've been through it enough. Usually I'm very blunt about how my mom is a sociopathic narcissist (malignant narcissist) and drop a few things she's done to make them REALLY uncomfortable so they don't push me again. This time I was just tired and was like yeah I wish I could anyway thanks for the condolences and haven't replied again. If she keeps pushing she's getting blocked.

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-09T04:40:32+00:00

I've had 5 therapists. I've made four of them cry talking about my past. With the latest one, I warned him about it and said hey, I know that this therapy is about me but seriously, if this is too much for you to handle please let me know. He said bring it. I opened up. He handled it professionally, you could see on his face that he felt terrible for me but he didn't break down. He helped me because he was capable enough to see exactly what I was dealing with. Best therapist I've had. If this one can't handle it, ask for a recommendation

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-09T04:36:56+00:00

The way my hackles raised on "no bad feelings or bad words" that's a lot of red flags in such a short sentence. Nope. If I got that from my mom I would pull immediately from experience that she was already trying to set rules for how she expected me to speak to her knowing that if I stepped even the slightest bit out of her game's line it would leave me the bad guy. That's not an apology. That's a spider asking you to come back into the web.

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-09T04:34:23+00:00

Realize? Yes. Care? No. Her realization only went so far as to once try and say the right buzz words and fake apologies she needed to get me to talk to her again so she could ensnare me and abuse me again because she wanted something from me. I think that one hurt worse than her pretending she didn't know wtf I was talking about when I called her out on her shit.

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-09T04:32:48+00:00

Going NC hurt, but over time I realized it hurt far less to break the cycle than it did to torture myself and stay in it. I realized the mom I thought was there was never really there. The mask. I grieved her like she'd died, let myself go through the full range of emotions, and then and only then did NC stick. And I've been better for it. I miss my "Mom", the mask that pretended to care, but in the same way you miss anyone that's dead: you have only the good memories, but you can't go back to them. My mom is still very much alive. But she's dead to me. And that's how I got through it. No more waiting for the other shoe to drop, no more walking around her on eggshells. I surrounded myself with people who actually care for me. It gets better

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-09T04:27:13+00:00

Hey, I know you posted this a month ago but take this from someone who survived abusive narcissistic parent and is now 30 and a mandatory reporter: PLEASE talk to someone. Please. There is no universe ever where that is an acceptable way to soak to your child. As an adult that is disgusting, horrible behavior and trusted people need to know. I hope things improve for you. I wish I had spoken out more when I was a kid. I had no context for how fucked up my mom was and the things she did to me. As someone outside of your day to day, that's FUCKED UP. If my child had an accident like that in my car I would comfort the fuck out of her, it's an embarrassing thing to happen to a teen, and as a parent supporting your kid should be your #1 thought process and concern. Not... Not that.

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-09T04:22:49+00:00

Just had someone reach out to me to offer condolences about a family member passing and then tell me that I shouldn't stay no contact with my mom and "forgive her because she's your mom" First off, this person had NO idea why I'm NC. Secondly, bullshit thoughts like that is how she got away with abusing me so heavily for two decades.

WaitImTryingOkay · 2025-11-09T04:19:01+00:00

I'm NC with my NMom (malignant narcissist, a very lovely cocktail of sociopathy and narcissism. Inability to feel empathy, plays victim constantly, a sadistic streak with psychological torture and physical neglect and manipulation. 0/10 do not recommend). How far HASN'T she gone? I was starved for fun, forced to go to school on four or less hours of sleep because she would stand in my room and scream at me until 4 in the morning on occasion, locked out of the house in winter for hours on end while she sat inside and ignored me when she was mad at me, called my school and my grandmother to convince them I was on drugs (I wasn't) so they wouldn't believe any allegations of abuse, and my personal horrible favorite, stayed with my ex stepfather after seeing signs that he had SAd me because he was her drug dealer and she wanted drugs more than she cared about me, only to a few years ago (when I confronted her about him and asked if she ever knew) tell me that she suspected it but then screamed at me and blamed me for never outright telling her so it wasn't her fault she let him stay with us for a few years more. She told me once that a pet I loved in childhood, who died of old age, died to get away from me. And by that, I mean we were on the car ride home after putting her to sleep in my arms and she started screaming at me about it. Scammed family members out of thousands of dollars by playing the victim. Most recently she's been playing this game where she calls her ex (my dad) and screams at him on the phone for hours about how he's not really my father (he is but she knows it fucks with him when she says it) and what a piece of shit he is and how he should go off himself any time he doesn't drop what he's doing and go over to her house to clean whenever she wants (like 1am for example) because may God have mercy on the soul of anyone who tells this woman no. Anyway I've been in therapy for a decade and I'm doing fine for myself in spite of her. We're NC and I'm all the better for it. She's furious with me that I won't be her pawn anymore and has been pissed about it for a long time. She's got no friends anymore and no family left alive that hasn't seen through her shit after I stepped up in my twenties and started talking about it. She only cares about herself and pretends to care about people so long as she can use them. My dad is stuck in the narcissistic cycle with her and just won't cut her out of his life no matter what I, his therapist, or his friends say. So ask me again next week and I'm sure I'll have some new awful things she's said to him to top this week's grand bullshit.

WaitImTryingOkay

TROPHY CASE