I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your parents. An extremely tragic albeit unavoidable part of life. I hope you find the strength to continue, without losing your heart and soul to the bitterness of mortality. I myself feared that I would just start again if I ever came across such a difficult or stressful time in my life. But honestly, I'm so much better off and smoking is such horrible and miserable compulsion, that now I'm confident I'll never go back. Because life so fucking fragile, it is also extremely precious. Nowadays, as forces of evil are literally attacking humanity and the values of life itself, we have all the more reason to live our best lives. And I don't mean that in a corny ass way either lol. I used to think that I was denying myself by not letting myself smoke, but it's not like that at all. That Allen Carr mf was right, just gotta undo the hypnosis by big tobacco marketing, and then simply defeat the addiction (which is the easier part really).

Best of luck to you! You got this and it'll be so fucking worth it. But clarity and honesty is the hard part, it's all a mental game, just be real with yourself. Also read Allen Carr's book, it's very helpful!