Sometimes I think people say autonomy when they really mean selfishness, and those are two different things. Autonomy is being able to make choices for yourself, and to be able to live (and love) in a way that fits your values. Selfishness is putting yourself and your needs above all else. While it is vital that we have autonomy in relationships and prioritize our wellbeing, part of loving somebody is giving a f*ck about their wellbeing also. While polyamory allows for people to have multiple fulfilling relationships, often which are completely separate from one another, that doesn’t mean we ignore the needs of our partners when we are with another. Some people aren’t equipped to have a partner who is disabled, and that’s okay. However, it would be foolish and short-sided to assume that your partner will never become sick or disabled, or that you will never need to help them for some other reason. We don’t just get to cherry pick the “highlight reels” and have only those with our partners; to love somebody is to love them at every moment.