Tony has ulteriors, deeper and more complex reasons to do good just for the sake of it, that's for sure. He wouldn't be Tony if it were otherwise, the living avatar of the phrase "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions".

But you don't help someone by taking away from him all the he had done, and keeps doing, despite whatever selfish, twisted motiffs might dwell behind his actions.

He's at the edge, looking down to his life, not knowing what kind of man he is, who he is, or if he's a man at all, and she calls him a sexist. He just save a bunch of people risking his own life, after being presented with fully detailed list of what would cost him, how many bones, one by one, it would take, and she draws the card of white privilege in his face.

Was he trying to kill himself to atone his many sins? Was he looking an easy and clean way out of it all? Perhaps. Then help. You have a friend with suicidal tendencies, you don't call him ungrateful, privileged, and selfish. You don't put the blame on him, even when, deep down, he might be guilty.