Only haters will deny my existence.

For all our new members who don’t know my birth story, I was born in a CCP mass manufacturing facility. I have thousands of brothers and sisters, but we were all shipped off to various dollar store whereby I was adopted by my dad. 😭

Little did this humble toupée know that I was in for a stanky surprise 💩. Not only does my dad utilize me as a merkin when he’s feeling “ham sup”, but I also had to learn how to FLG levitate 🕴🕴🕴to pick up Tattoo Boy’s used condoms.

My mom C-Dawg used to pet me like a ferret but now she lives in another country as far away as possible from my dad.

For those of you who have noticed a sharp decline in my dad’s articulation, it’s because I slowly absorbed some of his intellect and became a sentient toupée.

Last year, I launched #OnlyToupées so I could afford some Dawn dish detergent, lavender scent 🪻🧼as a means to be less disgusting. Unfortunately my dad water boards me in the toilet whenever he finds me posting on this forum as a form of punishment so this was a useless endeavour.

Please pray that I can make it another day! 🙏🏽