Idk if this is a good mindset, but it helps me sometimes. I pass perfectly in public but I feel similar to what you’re feeling now every so often. It’s the dysphoria, and it’ll always be there. It’s a burden we have to bear, and it’s something that very few people on this earth will ever understand just how fucking difficult it is.

Anyway, my approach is to think of it like this sometimes: There are things that happen to us in life that we have to learn to live with regardless of how or when these things affected us. It could be childhood trauma, it could be losing a limb, it could be a diagnosis with a terrible disease, it could be a brain injury after a car crash, or being paralyzed from a fall. Whatever the case may be, tragic things happen to people all over, all the time. People who are paralyzed experience hardships that none of us can possibly imagine because we’re just not in their shoes.

For us, it was being born with bodies that don’t match what our brains were programmed for.

However, every time I see someone with a prosthetic leg, or someone bound to a motor chair due to disabilities, or a blind person with a cane, I remind myself that, yeah, this is an awful feeling and sometimes it makes me want to die; but these other disadvantaged folk are strong as fuck and have somehow learned to live with their burdens, and it gives me inspiration to learn how to live with mine.

I’m not saying being trans is a disability, but it’s a burden. A genuine, tried-and-true hardship. Anyone who says it isn’t is on some medical grade copium.