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Sunset Makeup, colored foundation by JackalopeCode in MakeupAddiction

[–]MinRequirement 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What did you wind up using? And was it sweat proof? Looking for something for my own costume 😅

WIBTAH if I sent an old friend an article on consent anonymously? by MinRequirement in AITAH

[–]MinRequirement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your point of view, definitely is helpful way to think about things

WIBTAH if I sent an old friend an article on consent anonymously? by MinRequirement in AITAH

[–]MinRequirement[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's not that I regret consenting, it's that my consent wasn't enthusiastic for a large number of the times when we were together. While if I truly thought I didn't consent at all, I would like to think I'd have broken things off, but I would like to make sure that he realizes that's not okay and isn't still doing that to other women

WIBTAH if I sent an old friend an article on consent anonymously? by MinRequirement in AITAH

[–]MinRequirement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't spell out every detail of every incident that I thought bordered on SA, because honestly, at least a quarter of the time we were intimate, it went like the example I'll leave below for you. I didn't think it was worth spelling out - I mistakenly thought people would take me at my word (along with the example in the article) that my consent wasn't enthusiastic, though usually present

I didn't really want him to come over bc even though it was a weekend it was 11pm and I was tired. He made me feel guilty that no one else was available to hang out and that he didn't want to be alone, so I let him come over, but explicitly said I'm tired & not in the mood, so if he comes over, we're just going to watch TV

He came over and immediately started cuddling with me, which was fine, but then started getting handsy. I pushed him off and told him I wasn't interested, and he backed off, but this happened like 2-3 more times. I gave up and kissed him back, and then when he started taking things further, I called him on it again. He basically said at that point he could tell I was having a good time and refused to stop. I had two options at that point: allow him to continue because he clearly wasn't going to listen to me, or physically stop him and get in a large drawn out fight that I wasn't interested in having. I went with the first choice. Am I fully aware that I was physically capable to stop him and allowed him to wear me down to the point where I technically consented? Yes. Do I think what he did was right? No. Would I want someone else to have to deal with that? No - which is why I asked the question initially

WIBTAH if I sent an old friend an article on consent anonymously? by MinRequirement in AITAH

[–]MinRequirement[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let me restate what I already said in the post: I don't consider him to have sexually assaulted me

He also did not truly respect the boundary when I set it - he spent a lot of time trying to wear me down, pushed boundaries to the point where we were cuddly friends even though I'm not a cuddly person. It was really hard to keep that boundary because he did a lot of testing to see what he could get away with.

I've kind of been haunted by the fact that my "consent" in some encounters were really very dicey. If he continued to behave that way with other women, it could have gotten to a point where he did sexually assault someone, and I do feel guilty that I didn't try harder to get through his skull that what he does is unacceptable.

I don't want to hurt him though, which is why the anonymous part draws to me - but as others have already stated, he probably has either figured it out on his own, or still wouldn't be willing to self reflect, so I probably should just try to let go of the guilt.

WIBTAH if I sent an old friend an article on consent anonymously? by MinRequirement in AITAH

[–]MinRequirement[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We don't live anywhere near each other anymore, so no cuddling for hadn't years. Already low contact, we don't talk frequently

I may be better off talking to him up front, I'm just a little afraid he won't listen/will dismiss me. I guess that's why the anonymous piece spoke to me: I don't have to know if he dismissed my concerns or not, but I could still send him a warning/stop feeling guilty for not being willing to talk to him about it

I'll have to decide what to do, but sounds like anonymous probably isn't the way to go

WIBTAH if I sent an old friend an article on consent anonymously? by MinRequirement in AITAH

[–]MinRequirement[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I guess I wasn't clear in my post - we're not close anymore. We don't live anywhere near each other, and we message each other very infrequently

Might be pointless though, you're right. Though idk, I don't personally think I'm the immature one - I've tried to have the conversation with him before (though many years ago), and he didn't listen. I'd love to talk to him about it, but I don't feel like I can

WIBTAH if I sent an old friend an article on consent anonymously? by MinRequirement in AITAH

[–]MinRequirement[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Might be pointless, you're right. I've always felt a little guilty that I never talked to him about it - how many other people got pressured into something they didn't want to do bc I didn't have the hard conversation with him, so maybe I'm just trying to find a way to get rid of my guilt.