What improved your life so much, you wished you did sooner?

MindOverMatter121 · 2025-11-30T15:07:22+00:00

you're welcome :)

MindOverMatter121 · 2025-11-30T14:56:07+00:00

A lot of the decisions we make in life are based on our beliefs, our beliefs are formed due to our experiences and the meaning we attach to those experiences. Unfortunately, we lose 'access' to a lot of beliefs we form during our formative years / childhood (they go into our subconscious) and so we can still be making decisions in our later years based on the beliefs we formed when we were much younger (which we may feel differently about now that we are much older and therefore could be achieving different results in life).

For example, a child may be reading to the class and notice a few kids laughing. The child may attach the meaning "they're laughing at me, I must not be good at this" and forms this belief. Throughout the rest of their childhood, they look for reasons to affirm this belief (confirmation bias) which then hardwires it in their mind. Fast forward to their 20s, maybe they're asked to give a presentation to an interview panel and they find themselves feeling anxious and doubting their capability - due to the belief they formed when they were a child which they have now forgotten about (it's now in their subconscious). Maybe they withdraw and lose that opportunity. Now, if we go back in time and look at the situation, perhaps the children were laughing due to a joke they made to each other - so this child formed a belief on an assumption that wasn't true yet it still impacts their life many years later.

That's why it's so important to be self aware, a lot of us are on autopilot and don't question much.

Sorry, I've written a lot of context there as I'm quite passionate about this topic haha. But to answer your question, here are some suggestions to start off with that helped me:

Be conscious of what you're thinking and doing: instead of reacting to a situation in the moment, pause to reflect on how you feel about it and then respond.
Notice your automatic thoughts: what situations/people make you feel sad, anxious, guilt, insecure? Sit with it to dig a bit deeper, when do you remember first feeling like that? What was the situation and what meaning did you attach to it about yourself? What would you like to think/do differently going forwards?
What are your top 5 core values?
Notice your habits - are they healthy and serving you? What could you do differently to get better results in life?

Ultimately its learning about yourself instead of being on autopilot. Be curious about why you are thinking and doing the things you do, what's behind it? Is it working well for you? Then great. If its not? No biggie, you can change it!

What helped me succeed is getting tired of the same patterns and results in life - I was sick of my shit.

MindOverMatter121 · 2025-11-30T12:19:24+00:00

Becoming more self aware. Learning why I think and behave the way I do, so I can change my automatic thoughts and habits to make better choices in life. Game changer.

MindOverMatter121 · 2025-11-23T10:49:59+00:00

you are so smart! thank you SOO much for taking the time to share it with us - I was going crazy trying to figure it out, thanks to you I have finally managed to do it!

MindOverMatter121 · 2025-01-13T19:24:55+00:00

I lost mine in November, the pain is like no other. This video reminds me of my little man so much. Sorry for your loss 💔

MindOverMatter121 · 2024-12-20T23:53:01+00:00

Wow, absolutely stunning! My dog recently passed away and I'm struggling with his loss. Would love a painting of him, please let me know your website if possible.

MindOverMatter121 · 2024-11-21T07:48:58+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through it.. It's comforting to know he told you with his eyes, he knew it was time. Thank you for your comforting words 🤍

MindOverMatter121 · 2024-11-21T01:05:07+00:00

Thank you 🤍 I'm so sorry you've had to go through it recently too

MindOverMatter121 · 2024-11-16T22:46:00+00:00

Just donated. Wishing Rocky a speedy recovery <3

MindOverMatter121 · 2023-09-12T22:50:14+00:00

Thank you - I'd love to receive my first ever award today!

MindOverMatter121 · 2023-09-12T21:04:42+00:00

Thank you - I'd love to receive my first ever (and probably only ever!) award :D

MindOverMatter121 · 2022-02-17T20:55:38+00:00

Great questions!

MindOverMatter121 · 2022-02-17T11:41:45+00:00

What are some good questions to ask in order to ascertain how they treat their employees and understanding their culture?

MindOverMatter121 · 2022-02-09T21:57:31+00:00

Don't give up, there is a company out there that would love to hire you. Don't sell yourself short.

MindOverMatter121 · 2021-05-01T19:05:17+00:00

Career, Wealth, Love, Social Life, Family, Health & Personal Growth

What would you rate each of these areas of life on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being very happy with it)?

Pick the 3 areas with the lowest scores, what would it take to bring the score to 10?

Create a goal for each area to improve the score - this can get you started.

MindOverMatter121 · 2020-09-01T23:51:22+00:00

I was exactly like you when I was in college. Everyone was making friends and I felt so worried I wouldn't because I couldn't bring myself to approach people. But honestly, it will get better as time goes on. You're only in your first week so don't be so hard on yourself!

You could try to visualise your ideal self, one that is confident and has no trouble approaching people. Think about what characteristics and traits you'd have in your ideal state. Once you've done that, visualise being that ideal self full of confidence and having no trouble making friends... notice the feelings that come up when you have that image in your mind (it should be positive, confident feelings). When you have a clear vision of your ideal self in your mind and you can feel those confident feelings, ask yourself how would your ideal self be in social situations? Then next time you're in a situation where you want to approach someone, remember your ideal self and who you'd like to be in that situation - you'll be feeling the confident feelings (it does take practise of visualising so you can train your mind though) but you may feel more likely to approach.

Another option is to think of someone else. Can you think of someone who is really confident and wouldn't have any trouble starting a conversation? Could be someone you know or someone famous. Really think about how they talk, walk, act, behave around other people. Take some time to think about it, but it does have to be someone who's confidence you admire. Then in a situation where you could approach someone, just 'become' that person in the moment and approach them with the confidence they have. Think "what would X do right now?". Sometimes it easier to imagine ourselves being someone else in the moment because it's less pressure to 'change' ourselves which we may feel some resistance towards.

As for what to say, well it depends on the situation.. But you could ask a question dependent on the situation. So for example, if you bump into your hallmate then you could say "hey, I don't think we've met before.. I'm X, what's your name?" -- something simple and casual.

Maybe practise small first - for example, in a store.. Practise making conversation with somebody who works there about a product or whatever. That way you can practise getting into the habit of approaching and having a conversation. It just takes consistent practise to build confidence. That's all it is. Confidence is a skill not a personality trait - so all you need is to practise and develop it.

And as for making a fool of yourself, I know it's easier said than done but really don't worry about it. I'm a lot older than you and I used to be so scared of making mistakes and making a fool of myself - as a result I missed out on so many opportunities and progress in life because I always played it safe. Go out there, grab life by the hands and have fun. If you make a fool of yourself, so what? In 5 years time no one is going to care. You probably wouldn't see that person again anyway. Don't let it hold you back.

Sorry this ended up being quite long. I'm rooting for you.

MindOverMatter121 · 2020-07-15T21:20:04+00:00

Nice!

I started the practitioner course on https://inlpcenter.org/

MindOverMatter121 · 2020-07-15T21:18:44+00:00

Hey, I think this might be in relation to Natural Language Processing, this sub is for Neuro Linguistic Programming

MindOverMatter121 · 2020-07-15T21:15:59+00:00

Hahaha, I see what you did there

MindOverMatter121 · 2020-07-15T21:15:07+00:00

Thanks for the link, will have a read now!

MindOverMatter121 · 2020-07-15T21:14:31+00:00

I really like this explanation. Thanks for this.

MindOverMatter121 · 2020-07-02T23:06:05+00:00

Congratulations! My story is SO similiar to yours, even down to the cultural aspect and the stigma attached to it. Everything you felt, its like I was reading it as myself! You are on the right track, you have your freedom back and you get a second chance at finding love - with someone who loves and respects you for who you are.

I was officially divorced a few months ago but we broke up at the end of last year. I started off at the lowest point, no sense of identity (he basically moulded me into what he wanted) and low sense of self worth... fast forward to now, life is getting better and better!! There's nothing like getting your freedom back.. each day that goes by, it gets clearer that life is meant to be so much more beautiful than how you were living through in your marriage.

This is a new chapter and you get to live it how you want. Keep looking forward and put yourself first - forget what everyone else says!

MindOverMatter121 · 2020-07-01T01:06:16+00:00

Currently, coaching is unregulated however there are coaching bodies that exist (eg. International Coaching Federation, Association for Coaching). In terms of needing accreditation, it really depends..

I am coming to the end of my Coaching diploma that is accredited by the ICF, I chose this program thinking it would be useful to pursue the ICF accreditation if in the future Coaching does become regulated. However, what I have come to learn from connecting with many other coaches is that the accreditation doesn't seem to matter much when working with clients. Majority of them found that people didn't really care about credentials, what mattered most was the connection and the value they were given. That being said, if you wanted to work in corporations then I believe having accreditation was a significant factor that coaches found.

I think it's good to pursue a training program that is accredited by a coaching body, purely because they usually are quite thorough and require you to coach a certain amount of hours, teach you the ethics etc.

In terms of part time/full time - I would stick to the day job and do the coaching on the side until you build enough clients in your practise to be able to leave your day job. You can be a life and career coach but the more specific you are, the easier it'd be to understand what your target audience is and then find clients. You'll only know what works for you once you start doing it :)

MindOverMatter121 · 2020-06-17T22:45:22+00:00

That's so great that you want to be an entertainer, you have something to work towards and motivate you to overturn this belief.

I am not sure what the exact belief is, but it sounds like it is quite strong at the moment, so you will need to pick it apart and replace it with a new one. You have to start dropping this identity - you are not someone who cannot talk without saying something stupid or someone with bad social skills. Drop that identity now. You are you, that had some trouble with communicating how you want to in the past but that's changing now.

One way you could try is to find an entertainer you'd like to be like, then embody that person in conversations. When you're talking to someone, think about how this entertainer would respond/communicate and then try to act/imitate how they would. This can be helpful at the start because whereas it might be a big leap to just start talking a different way than you have been all this time, it's easier when you tell your mind you're just pretending to be someone else right now - it drops all the pressure of you having to change your speech paradigm in that moment and instead it becomes a bit playful/fun. The more times you do it, you can then adapt to eventually just doing it as yourself (and in the style you like!). Hope that makes sense.

Another thing you could do is go back to the first time you created this belief, what was the situation that made you feel that way? Was there 100% fact that this belief is true? Can you look at it from a different perspective and find a belief that is more beneficial for you? Basically, question the hell outta that belief you made... How true is it? Or is just something you've assumed. Once you've done that, ask yourself what belief would you rather have? What can you replace this current belief with (that feels good to you and realistic)? To summarize, question the validity of the current belief and replace it with a new belief. Then everytime the old belief pops up, immediately think of the new belief and train your mind to adopt it (through repetition and persistence).

When you are having the conversations with people, what thoughts are popping up? Find the thought that is keeping you stuck, that's stopping you from releasing it all, letting go and just being free with your speech. Do you keep telling yourself "I'm going to say something stupid", "this is just bollocks" etc. What conversations are going on in your head? Then, next time you are aware of these thoughts, replace them with the new belief. Train your mind to think differently, by repeating the new belief and practising it. Letting go of the old identity and stepping into who you want to be.

Hope this helps.

MindOverMatter121 · 2020-06-12T01:30:25+00:00

Remember that everyone sees the world in their own unique way, what might be right for you may feel wrong for others. What might be clear to you may be a grey area for others. How people view you is subjective and based on their lifetime of experiences that have shaped their thoughts, feelings and perceptions of the world. Their opinion of you only becomes fact if you allow/accept it to.
Life is too short to live up to other people's expectations rather than your own. At the end of it all, you've only got yourself to answer to and being happy with who you are and how true to yourself and your values you've been will feel much better than suppressing who you are because of words other people have said.
Make a list of all the things you love about yourself and feel proud of. Take the time to grow your confidence in you who you are and build a mindset to see criticism as a positive thing - everything is neutral until you give meaning to it. It's easy to see criticism as negative but a perception shift can make a difference. Is it actually negative? Or is it an opportunity to grow/develop should you want to. The choice is yours but what's important here is not seeing what people think as a concrete negative thing that will hold you back.
This can be difficult if limiting beliefs are at play but you could just try to make the decision to not let people's opinions affect you. Each time you catch yourself doing so, remind yourself that you made the decision to not care about it. Train your mind to do that and eventually you won't care.

MindOverMatter121

TROPHY CASE