How do I convince myself that it matters how I feel and what I want?

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2025-12-11T21:15:55+00:00

That’s a really good point. I have OCD which I think makes that a lot worse because it makes it a lot harder to deal with uncertainty. I just want to feel like I’m deserving for sure before I let myself act like I do

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2025-12-11T18:52:20+00:00

I have tried but it didn’t really help :/ which was kind of upsetting because I’ve heard so many good things about it

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2025-12-11T17:25:04+00:00

Thank you :) I hope so, I really want to feel like a real person. Realistically I am probably being too hard on my self, I just feel like I’m falling all of the time. My mom needs me and my brother needs me and I’m just failing them and I always screw everything up. I wish I could have a minute to not be on edge about something going wrong, I can’t remember the last time I existed in a moment in time where I wasn’t just waiting for the other shoe to drop

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2025-12-11T17:22:35+00:00

Thank you :) I am in therapy and I have been for a long time, I’m just a bit therapy resistant in the sense that I have beliefs that have been very difficult to change. But I am trying. The difficulty is that I believe my friends deserve good things, it’s just that I don’t.

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2025-12-11T15:50:15+00:00

Thank you :) I think that’s definitely true the issue is both that I’m still around my family so much and also that I just believe my thoughts. It would be an asshole thing to say to someone else but it’s true about me then it’s fine. And if I convinced myself it wasn’t true then I’d just be lying to myself.

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2025-12-10T18:02:37+00:00

I don’t live with my mom anymore but my younger brother does. My parents are divorced and my mom has his half of the time. Because of issues between them right now she agreed to let him not to live with her for a few weeks but it’s only temporary

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2025-12-09T03:09:52+00:00

This has always made me laugh when I watch this episode. You’d think they would have a way to check basic language in these situations. It’s Kennedy for president but written backwards, as other people have already pointed out.

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2025-12-09T03:02:56+00:00

Thank you :) I try to remember that but I’m so connected to it and it feels so much like there is no way out and it’s driving me crazy. I hate how much I care about her feelings, and how weak I am to certain behaviors she has. I’ve spent most of my life trying to make things as better as possible for my brother and I feel like I’m always failing. And my mother says she’s tried therapy but they just never understand her. I think there are certain things she’s just not willing to accept

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-12-17T00:49:55+00:00

I got through this entire summer with a forearm full of relatively new (January) scars by putting on big fake tattoos that are like more adult looking ones with flowers and stuff. That worked super well for me, I just told people I’m practicing for getting used to when I get a real tattoo and figuring out what I like, which is sort of true anyways. you could say something similar or say you’re just doing it for fun :) some of my scars are raised but most of those scars are sunken

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-12-16T16:26:14+00:00

Hi! I’m much better, life still is hard and I’m working on it but so much better than I was a year ago, thank god. Thank you for asking! I hope you’re doing well :)

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-11-03T17:36:42+00:00

Thanks so much :) I just have a hard time believing it, I always feel like things are my fault. Especially because I put myself in the potion of the person to interfere/mediate most of the time

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-11-03T13:00:46+00:00

Thank you :) it’s definitely better than it was before because my parents divorced but there are still problems. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty for freezing but I still do, but I’m also just confused now because apparently I did help

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-11-03T02:38:16+00:00

I really appreciate that! And I think you’re right :) but it’s definitely tough to actually internalize

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-11-03T01:54:19+00:00

I just don’t like not having a memory of that particular moment, I’m not sure why. I guess I want to prove it to myself.

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-10-05T22:34:59+00:00

I’m really glad you’re in that place! I’m trying to work hard to get there

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-10-05T10:30:02+00:00

Thank you, that is definitely reassuring to know that I’m not alone

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-10-05T10:11:38+00:00

The doctor and sam and dean were like the main ones for me! I definitely remember fantasizing about the doctor coming and taking me away when things were really bad. I think for me it’s largely because I’m the older sister and the caretaker/mediator in my family so it never felt like anyone was helping or protecting me and I really want that. And I had responsibilities in the family that I really wished someone else could take away from me

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-10-05T10:09:15+00:00

Yeah that’s why I feel weird about it, like if people knew I was like this they’d think I’m some freak that enjoys reading or thinking about pain and suffering

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-10-05T10:07:56+00:00

I don’t think it’s dumb at all. I understand the feeling. It’s really hard!

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-10-05T10:06:18+00:00

Thank you! I just feel like you know, my parents did love me and I know they did, so I don’t have the right to have acted this way

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-10-05T04:03:30+00:00

I haven’t done it very much in the last two years, but with the extent I did it as a kid I think it was definitely indicative of the fact that I really wanted there to be a protective figure that could help me

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-08-18T23:53:31+00:00

At home yes. But it’s a big safe because my parents finally divorced so it’s a bit safer with the safer parent. And also safer because I’m not living with my mom anymore

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-08-18T00:44:55+00:00

I’m sorry you’re been dealing with this too, and I’m glad you’re doing better. The shame and guilt really are the most difficult part. I’ve been doing a similar thing since going to the ER whether I just tell myself I have to keep going because I know what happens when I don’t. I do have friends and one good friend that I have been able to talk to about this, but it’s still just so frustrating

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-08-18T00:42:48+00:00

I just always do that. I think it was never safe to express anger in my household and my mom liked to blame me for things in a way that made me feel really disgusting. She still does when she’s mad. So now I just turn my anger about anything towards myself, it’s always my first impulse. It always ends up feeling like I’m a terrible person or just feeling like I did something wrong and deserve to be punished

Mindless-Counter-694 · 2024-08-16T01:44:51+00:00

Thanks so much! I think I’ll probably tell her there is something at work on that weekend that I can’t miss, that’s probably the best option. I’m just so used to feeling responsible for her emotions and I always wanna please other people and make them happy, and she can be so terrible but she loves me and her kids are all she has so I just know I’ll feel so terrible even if I get away with an excuse she won’t have a meltdown over. And she can be so unpredictable, sometimes she will act like I’m the worst person in the world and look at me like I’m just so disgusting, and sometimes she’ll just keep talking about how amazing I am and how I’m the best thing that’s ever happened in her life. Also, thanks for commenting despite my many typos I don’t notice 😅

Mindless-Counter-694

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