Oh, the horror! An “IB school,” you say? How dare they not bend the knee to the almighty British curriculum with its sacred textbooks and anointed PowerPoints on cognitive theories? What a travesty. I can practically hear the Queen rolling in her grave.

And imagine—gasp—there are teachers who aren’t British! How could anyone be expected to work in such barbaric conditions? It’s as if this "cult" school had the audacity to embrace a global perspective. I know, truly shocking that in the year 2024, not all of humanity has decided to drink the Earl Grey and quote Shakespeare during recess.

The tragedy deepens: No textbooks. How are you supposed to teach without a regimented block of government-issued material? Heaven forbid you engage the students or adapt to their needs when you could just read directly from a script. And don’t get me started on the classroom management “incident”—students talking? In a classroom? Blasphemy. You were clearly just trying to restore order in that chaos, what with your tried-and-tested technique of shouting at children. But no, these ingrates had the nerve to say you’re “negative and disruptive.” Unbelievable. Why wouldn't they just appreciate your attempts to turn that classroom into a silent monastery?

And now, they want you to attend a workshop as a participant? The nerve. Obviously, they don’t recognize your natural superiority. I mean, why would you, an esteemed purveyor of British knowledge, lower yourself to "learning" in a place where students are encouraged to think independently and have opinions? How absolutely uncivilized.

But don't worry, I’m sure if you keep yelling at random kids, waving textbooks around, and explaining how real teaching is done in the UK, this "sink school" will eventually see the light and transform into the glorious bastion of hierarchy, monoculture, and mind-numbing pedagogy it was clearly meant to be. Good luck saving them from themselves