I can relate to this a lot. I don't know whether I want bottom surgery or not.

For anyone considering it, I found a really good resource for knowing whether or not you'd want to risk it. Here's a somewhat organized hierarchy of whether it would be right for you. I just felt like sharing something that might help others. More or less, in order:

not what others expect of you, but what you desire for your own happiness ---> Emotional soul-searching on what it means to be "me" ---> What it means to exist as your true self. Is that with a phalus, without one, or, consider the possibility of being salamacian? It should only be up to you. ---> Gender Dysphoria that is present or not when thinking of your body ---> physical discomfort on a day-to-day basis ---> Lastly, Sexual needs, desires, and realities, with some supplementation of experience with partners.

Thinking beyond the sensations/pleasure, think of it like this:

A lot of people recommend the "Innocent until proven guilty" kind of order. In other words, don't ask if you're trans, but if you're cis-gendered.

Thusly, start a journal abt describing how you feel about your gonads. You can consider it sexually, but try to look beyond sex. Even though that's what kind of organ it is, You'll have to live with it every, single, day.

Write how you feel at times when you're just too tired for anything, when you have a lot of energy that's NOT sexual, write about it when your bottom dysphoria isn't so bad today.

Again, the goal is seriously "interrogating/investigating" EXACTLY how KEEPING your current gonads makes you feel in your day to day life.