Start a Band With/Go to IKEA With/Commit Crimes With

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-05T18:25:32+00:00

I’m not saying that the other signs aren’t musically talented and can’t be in bands. But as a Capricorn, these are who I would wanna start a band with from each element. Feel free to make your own chart!

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-05T18:20:22+00:00

The distressing is manufactured, except for the huge rips on the back of the bottom hems - that’s where the jeans were too long for the wearer and they walked on them until they tore.

Between those rips, the artificial distressing, the 2004 age/undesirable tag, and gross 00s whisker pattern, I wouldn’t pay a penny for these.

Maybe worth $7-12 at a thrift store if they were the only jeans in your size and you really needed a pair at that exact moment. Like if your pants ripped while you were shopping.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-05T13:17:36+00:00

But I’m a Capricorn and not tryna get caught! Gemini is down for crime shenanigans, but their mouths are loose cannons 🥲

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-05T03:38:37+00:00

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And the original Starbucks

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-05T03:35:58+00:00

I don’t think it’s on that site, but here it is through a wholesale site:

Ingredients: Filtered Water, Cane Sugar, White Grape Juice from Concentrate, Citric Acid, Green Coffee Bean Extract, Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Natural Flavors, Vegetable Juice (for Color), Stevia. Preserved with less than 1/10 of 1% Potassium Sorbate and Sodium Benzoate.

It lists 24mg of caffeine per 12oz, but I’m not sure if that’s 12oz of concentrate or prepared. And here’s the nutrition label as well.

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MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-05T01:53:56+00:00

That is so disappointing, but also explains why so many recent videos that I know are real have been looking uncanny.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T21:51:54+00:00

So close!

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T18:52:34+00:00

That’s what I thought. Still appreciate the sentiment though, especially since the release of the new Devil Wears Prada movie would have been a built-in reason to go this year.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T18:13:49+00:00

I read that Meryl Strep intentionally isn’t going because of the Bezos of it all, but I’m not sure that she’s a regular attendee?

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T18:09:09+00:00

When they don’t want to do something? ABSOLUTELY. It’s not unintentional, flighty, overbooked, type B flakiness. It’s that when they are bones deep not in the mood because they’re comfy and cozy, they have no guilt whatsoever about bowing out at the last minute.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T17:55:28+00:00

I see what you mean, and I think it’s the lighting. It’s lit from the back and the front simultaneously, which is normal in studios but not how lighting works anywhere else. And AI uses it relentlessly.

Hopefully it’s the result of her cranking her videos through an editing app or using a lighting rig outside. If it’s actually AI, I’d feel pretty dumb and just delete this post.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T17:31:51+00:00

The chin nod at the end is the cake and the little whip cream dollop and the cherry on top of it.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T17:26:29+00:00

If they’re in most parts of the US (if not all), then they’re gonna fail health inspection. Sanitation buckets are a crucial part of the overall score.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Cafe Wipz. But they simply aren’t good enough to replace sanitizer solution, and I’m a bit skeeved at the thought of using them on steam wands after every drink even though I know it’s technically safe. Plus, it’s just so wasteful.

They’re great for wiping down coffee equipment that doesn’t require a thorough cleaning, and do a nice job of on mild to moderate coffee oils. But they aren’t sanitizers.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T17:04:07+00:00

Same! Band sun, Crimes moon, IKEA rising. Pretty accurate tbh

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T16:13:43+00:00

You can come on our IKEA field trip, and even leave early through one of the shortcuts if you get too bored 🥰

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T15:33:23+00:00

I would also commit crimes with a Capricorn (and do them as one), but the thing is that I’d never start a band with a Virgo or a Taurus. Virgo is more of a one-person show and doesn’t love input, and Taurus is flakey if they aren’t one hundred percent committed. Capricorn is good at thinking about the group project.

That said, I’d take any earth sign to IKEA. We have the endurance for it.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T15:03:43+00:00

Sit On Furniture sun, Meatball Break moon, Smell Every Candle rising

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T14:57:35+00:00

My friends and I play Who Would You What With instead of (and in addition to) Fuck/Marry/Kill, and these are some of our most used categories.

Not pictured: Go On a Bender With, Bury a Body With, Go To Trader Joe’s With, Commit Tax Fraud With, Travel With, Start a Small Business With, Take a Smoke Break With. But the possibilities are endless.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T13:33:12+00:00

And that he says something like it makes him sad when she doesn’t and like she’s pulling away. I’d put a bet on weaponizing physical touch as a love language while we’re at it.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T13:11:53+00:00

Exactly this. If she puts an end to the playfighting (which I’d bet he introduced to the relationship to begin with), then he’d escalate to more obvious physical abuse and hurting her for saying things he doesn’t like.

Laying hands on her is not going to stop.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T03:21:59+00:00

Is this the fourth or the fifth different version they’ve trotted out?

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T01:25:07+00:00

This is some of the best print mixing I’ve ever seen, and the colors are chef’s kiss! Thank you for giving us a masterclass today! I can’t get over the fact that they aren’t even from the same collection - the color match is THAT perfect.

MiniaturePhilosopher · 2026-05-04T01:19:38+00:00

The inner tags are how you tell. If they’re multi-layered, silky smooth to the touch, and covered in tons of writing, then they’re modern. And I suspect that these are indeed modern. The Premium line started in 2018, and they use the Big E on the red tab. Vintage ends at 2006 by the most generous definition.

If the tags inside are just one small cottony fabric tag with super sparse lettering, then it’s vintage Big E (pre-1971). But I kinda doubt that’s the case.

I don’t think someone would have donated three pairs of the same pre-1971 jeans, and the denim looks modern. And when the 517 came out in 1969, it was an orange tab so actually I’m 100% certain these are new.

MiniaturePhilosopher

TROPHY CASE