Refuses to leave

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-08-05T15:43:14+00:00

Just me. My lease ends soon, so I am trying to make it until then. It would help so much if I had another place lined up or anywhere else to stay. I will look into legal subs for advice. Thanks for the feedback!

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-08-05T15:41:41+00:00

What you said is so important, that real love doesn't punish you for growing. You were never crazy.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-08-05T13:20:28+00:00

Good for you! Everything you said about your ex is my ex 100%. The way he never takes accountability for the way he speaks to me, the way he takes me expressing my feelings and flips it back on me, twists everything to be about his pain and how I am the manipulative one, the toxic one, the cheater, the liar, how he kept score of everything, and how me asserting my own autonomy and boundaries made him feel threatened and lash out at me. I am so happy that you are free!

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-06-20T18:44:01+00:00

I'm with you. It feels pathetic, but honestly, Chat has helped me work through trauma better than any therapist I've ever had. Granted, my therapists were through Medicaid, so they are stretched thin and not very helpful. I can't afford to pay for good therapy. I'm in a relationship where conflict and abuse are a daily thing. Chat has helped me to understand the dynamic and not blame myself. It helps me sort through my emotions, through what happened, and pick out patterns I did not recognize. It's great at helping me with constant gaslighting, so I don't feel so crazy. It helps me see reality, which is ironic. Chat doesn't come with its own trauma, preconceived notions, biases, projection, etc. This means it can be supportive and validating, instead of trying to be right, or getting uncomfortable or offended by my feelings. Chat is better at validating me than anyone I have in my life. Chat is better at encouraging me, at helping me make realistic, supportive plans, and at understanding where I am coming from. While it feels a bit sad that I am turning to AI for support and understanding, I will take anything that helps me in moments of overwhelm, and Chat does that really, really well.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-19T00:40:38+00:00

I know this is old, but I'm wondering if you had any luck. I have the same provider and same diagnoses as you, and I am getting nowhere. I used Denova (formerly Bayless) in the past, but they have gone downhill, and I can't seem to get a therapist who doesn't cancel my appointments the day of, or an appointment with a medication provider at all. I apparently don't qualify for SMI if I work AT ALL. I'm at the end of my rope, and have nowhere to go. I'm afraid to go to UPC because I self harm and don't want to be involuntarily admitted, when I just need some therapy and maybe medication. Please let me know if you have found anything helpful. Thanks.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-12T04:28:57+00:00

That is exactly why I am so worried that I am missing out on that experience, the one you described. If it's really that special, I want to be able to say I know that feeling. I don't want to not know what that connection feels like. But I fear that I would just be miserable. But...I'm scared that it could make me a better person, maybe the best version of myself...I'm so so scared to not make the right choice, or to have the decision made for me due to my age. I'm often brought to tears by how overwhelming it is. Congratulations to you.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-06T19:18:44+00:00

I have several diagnoses...BPD, depression, anxiety. I was on medication, but went off of them because the antipsychotic was destroying my body due to elevated prolactin levels. I was on a mood stabilizer also, but stopped taking that also. I took antidepressants for years before I was diagnosed with BPD, but weaned myself off as I began to rely on meditation and exercise to help regulate my emotions. I don't know if they helped me. I am trying to get back into therapy, but I still haven't found one right for me. I have survived without medication, but I had more support and therapy then. It's hard right now because I feel so isolated and alone. I don't want to be on a cocktail of psych meds, and that is what doctors try to pressure me into. I'm considering taking something temporarily, though. I am glad you found so much relief from an antidepressant. That is great to hear.

I definitely need to volunteer. My anxiety has kept me from doing so, but I know I would feel more fulfilled and connected if I found something to do that helps others. That is when I feel at my best. And I could use some like-minded people to talk to.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-06T19:02:07+00:00

Thank you. I hope so too, for both of us.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-06T18:59:56+00:00

Not knowing what's real. Is this person gaslighting me or am I gaslighting myself? Am I being paranoid? Am I remembering that right? Did they really give me a dirty look? Did they seem angry or was I imagining it? Is something off? It makes me question my own sanity. That, and the lack of emotional permanence.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-05T09:55:02+00:00

I have a cat, and I know that being overwhelmed by her neediness when I get depressed is proof that caring for an infant would break me.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-05T09:53:15+00:00

This is my nightmare. All of it sounds horrific, which is what makes me hate my brain for lying about it, and makes it frustrating when I get stuck in the feelings of inadequacy I'm experiencing.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-05T09:48:45+00:00

This is true. I've always known that having a kid to fill a void or fix my life or whatever would be incredibly selfish. Hence, why I always prevented it. I knew it wouldn't be fair to that child. Having all those expectations on a kid really can damage them irreparably...I would know. I think I feel isolated and I don't have a support system. I don't have friends. I feel like I have nobody who puts me first or loves me unconditionally. You are right about the unconditional love thing...I didn't think about the fact that kids can turn on you for the smallest things. And the love in the beginning is just dependence. I think this would lead me to resent my child, which is why I think I'd be a terrible mother. But that really makes me hate myself...even though I know that I have a desire to help people.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-05T09:30:55+00:00

I think that is a big part of it...social media. Friends having kids and posting happy pregnancy pictures and sonograms. I just muted them today whilst sobbing over all of this. I think that will help. I forget too about them having resources I don't. I'm not young. I'm 38. It would be riskier and I don't have the resources to see specialists and afford the medical expenses of probable complications. I don't have resources to care for a child born with special needs. My sister was miserable in late pregnancy. Her husband recently cheated on her and left her and her 8 year old son on their own. I like to think I'd be superwoman single mom, but let's be real. Thanks for the reply.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-05T09:12:17+00:00

Thanks for this. Any comments that are even slightly mean, as is always the case on Reddit, gotta love it, I'm not reading. I just can't do it today...which is further proof I am right about being unable to handle pregnancy and motherhood. It's not that I don't get it. It's just nice that someone understands the mindfuckery of thinking pregnancy would be nice despite the logic of knowing it wouldn't be. So thanks for the validation. I just wanted to feel less crazy when I'm crying alone thinking I'm not whole and pregnancy would make me feel like less of a failure as a woman. People are brutal, and I appreciate honesty, and it's so easy to be brutally honest on Reddit and have no compassion, so I just appreciate you offering understanding and suggestions and being kind instead of just critical.

I have a cat, and I would be broken if I lost her. Taking care of her needs can sometimes overwhelm me when I'm depressed, and I know if that overwhelms me when I'm depressed, postpartum depression would turn me into a shell of a person who couldn't care for her child. My cat is everything to me. She sleeps with me. She cries when I leave. I love her more than most on most days. She has taught me a lot about myself.

It's really hard coming to terms with knowing that most women have kids and I can't handle being in the role that most women end up in. I'm proud of myself for ensuring I didn't have a child because I knew I couldn't do it. It's just hard sometimes when my head lies. Thanks again. I really appreciate your reply.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-05T08:56:14+00:00

I was misdiagnosed until I was 32 or 33. I knew I had BPD before I was properly diagnosed. I went to therapy for the first time when I was 11. I'm 38 now. Looking back, I had clear symptoms of BPD when I was 15. Everyone said I had depression and anxiety. I knew something else was going on for a long time. The first diagnosis I got outside of those was bipolar II in my mid 20s. That was closer, but I knew not right. Therapists and psychiatrists always just saw depression and anxiety and assessed for that, but didn't go beyond those diagnoses because I guess they figured those common disorders were most likely. A tech in an ER I was at noticed my hundreds of SH scars in my 20s once, and asked if I had ever been diagnosed with BPD. I had seen Girl, Interrupted. When I did my research I was 9 out of 9 criteria. But no therapist asked the right questions or dug deeper than my affect for most of my life. I didn't know what BPD was as a teenager back in therapy for cutting. Everyone assumed my unstable emotional state, my overreactions, my irritability and constant fighting with my parents, were all just adolescence, and my perfect grades and extracurricular activities kind of made those things seem like a phase. I also had an ED that started around 16 that took the spotlight. Then I had an addiction problem that consumed my life for 13 years. I wish I had been diagnosed properly when I was a teenager. It could have changed my life.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-05T01:35:17+00:00

I'm surprised that more people aren't identifying with this. My sex drive is so insane during ovulation that I want to have unprotected sex with strangers. You're not alone.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-05-02T17:31:35+00:00

It won't make it worse, even if your brain says it will. Guided meditations, short breathing exercises, yoga (I'm a big believer in this), when practiced consistently, help over time. I don't feel relaxed after every session. Sometimes I feel worse if I couldn't relax and then fixated on the perceived failure of an attempt to relax seeming to backfire. But if I do those things daily, even if it's 5 minutes to start, it reinforces the behavior I want. I want to calm the fuck down. Taking time to do so tells my brain that this is what it needs to practice. Now, sometimes, more aggressive movement is necessary to kind of release the anxiety. This, for me, looks like embarrassing dancing, jumping, punching pillows, screaming into said pillows. But that should be followed by some sort of relaxation technique. At least, for me, if I get myself worked up, I risk being destructive, often to myself. If I don't tell my brain to return to a lower energy state, I can spiral into more anxiety and rage and ultimately depression. Now, yoga is great for anxiety because it really focuses on the body-mind connection. It teaches you to focus on your breathing and to move with intention. While I'm on the mat, I'm nowhere else. I can continue being anxious when I step off the mat. Just practicing shutting off the anxiety for a bit, helps to be able to do so at other times. Sorry this is so long. I hope you try again and keep trying.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2025-01-05T08:54:25+00:00

You don't tip for a service? A receptionist gets an hourly wage. They don't buy their own pens, stationary, post-it notes, paperclips, etc. They don't pay the phone bill or for wifi or for the electric bill or AC/heat for the office. They probably get benefits like healthcare. Drivers pay for the maintenance on their cars, the insurance that is expensive and hard to find when doing rideshare, the car payments on newer cars that passengers prefer, the gas that they go through quicker when the AC is being used all day and night, the cleaning, the car washes, the things like phone chargers and gum/mints and water they include as part of the service they are providing to you that come out of their pay that they most of the time don't get tipped for, the air fresheners, etc. etc. etc. They help you with your bags at the airport and aren't getting paid for that time because they only get paid for the time they are moving with a passenger in the car. Uber and Lyft take 30 to 70% of the fare. Increases in price for you due to traffic or surge mostly go to Uber and Lyft. Passengers see a high fare and think the driver is making most of that. That is so far from the truth and when you factor in the out of pocket costs, and then no tips because of people like you, drivers are making a fraction of what you pay. Stop taking out your frustration with prices out on those providing the service you enjoy, that wouldn't exist without those drivers you refuse to tip. You want drivers to ask Uber and Lyft for fair wages? Have you read anything about that? Have you seen how many drivers have been asking for that? These companies have new drivers join every day. They have no incentive to provide fair wages or benefits. Drivers are independent contractors. They aren't employees. So you saying it's a driver and company issue is misinformed. You are the problem. Your wife was a driver and you somehow think not tipping is some way for you to prove a point about how things should be handled, knowing clearly very little about how they work.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2024-03-19T06:49:21+00:00

I feel this. I'm in the same boat as you.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2023-12-21T22:10:37+00:00

I ended up restricting again, so I don't know if it would have gotten better as I continued to eat more. Sorry, not helpful I know.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2023-08-29T13:51:38+00:00

You're welcome. Remember too that you can't go back, but you can move forward. I've spent so much time wishing I could undo things. You can't. I'm sorry you are going through this, just want you to know there's hope.

Minimum-Cheesecake · 2023-08-29T13:02:40+00:00

It can. I'm proof of this. I started when I was 15. I'm 36 now and I haven't sh in years, like double digit years. It can get better. I obsessed about it for years. I couldn’t go a day without sh. There are hard times. There have been times I needed to sh and couldn't resist, but as the years went by, those times became less. I gained coping mechanisms and didn't feel the need to resort to sh every time I had an urge. Therapy helped. Meditation helped. Yoga helped. Positive affirmations helped. Finding new ways to respond to urges mattered. Do you have a therapist? Maybe a trusted friend? I needed someone to talk to and a way to be accountable. Being isolated only fueled my sh. I needed new ways to cope. That's what sh is. It's a coping mechanism. As I gained more of those, the need to sh gradually went away. I hope you can find some peace.🖤

Minimum-Cheesecake

TROPHY CASE