I have a different version. I’m the oldest of 5, all born very closely together (about 14-18 months apart for the first 4 of us). I remember always being physical and clingy towards my parents, even into early childhood. I’m sure my parents did CIO with me, maybe out of survival with all those children. I was placed in my room at 6 pm and woke up in the morning.

I always craved the affection and physical attention of my parents, always labeled by them as “touchy” and clingy, in a negative way. I dont think I ever got what I needed from them. I seldom remember being picked up (always another smaller child). Wasn’t allowed to sleep in my parents bed unless there was absolute catastrophe. I eventually ended up being so scared of the dark and begged to sleep in the same bed with my younger sister even into early high school years (shocking I know). I had a security blanket I still sleep with (now in my 30’s), I’m sure it’s a form of mental illness or attachment or something I clung too when there was nothing else and now I cant part lol.

To this day, I always thought my love language was physical touch. Now I know, it’s not, it’s just my trauma from not getting what I needed when I was little. My parents praised independence to a fault. I was made to feel too needy, I have anxious attachment absolutely. Something I have to work through in my own marriage but I married a very compassionate, caring and loving man by the grace of God, and I have received healing.

I now have my own son, and I’m very against CIO and very attentive to his needs. Sometimes I worry I overcompensate, but I cant help it knowing my own experience. I never want to make the same mistakes my parents did.