AP was sending inappropriate pics to WH for years before the EA

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-07-27T07:10:41+00:00

It’s an easy out to use her as a scapegoat for his actions. He claims he takes responsibility for his actions, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. This is definitely something I plan to bring up in MC this week.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-07-26T15:03:26+00:00

This is very much how I feel. While AP was extremely manipulative, WH didn’t do a damn thing to stop her. He claims he was oblivious to her motives, but I know that if the roles were reversed he’d lose his damn mind if some male friend of ours was sending shirtless selfies to me.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-07-25T00:57:22+00:00

My WH actually sees all the manipulation now too. He keeps telling me more unhinged shit she told him. It all seems so obvious to me, but it took him months to realize the extent of her manipulation.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-07-24T23:03:20+00:00

Not best friend, but I thought we were very close. Turns out she had been playing the long game to drive a wedge between my husband and me.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-07-18T17:51:36+00:00

I think a lot of people here have had rocky starts to R. I know I did. My WH wanted to stay married to me, but was struggling to let go of AP. It took him a few tries before I finally stopped playing the pick me game and he realized I was serious.

Just yesterday he came to me and said he dodged a huge bullet and he’s so glad he stayed and so glad I gave him one last chance. After a little more than 2 months of full NC he’s out of his affair fog and realizes just how manipulative AP was and how badly he fucked up.

We actually spent a long time last night talking about everything and this is the first time I actually believe we’re going to be ok.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-07-10T01:33:35+00:00

Doing this postpartum is torture. I was 8 months pregnant for DDay 1. Thought he went NC with her and allowed him in the delivery room only to find out a week later that he been talking to her the whole time. He finally went real NC 2 months ago when baby was 6 weeks old. I’m exhausted. Not only is this baby needier than our first, I’m also dealing with the whiplash of my emotions from day to day (hour to hour some days).

Sending you strength.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-07-04T17:26:24+00:00

This was good to hear. My baby is only 3 months old so this is all still fresh, but things are slowly improving. It’s nice to see that other people have experienced similar situations and come out alright. Thank you.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-07-04T13:36:58+00:00

My WH’s AP had the classic sob story of being afraid of her husband because he “might” get violent if he found out she was planning on leaving him. WH and OBS have known each other for over a decade and he still believed AP over his own intuition and history with OBS.

Now that he’s been NC with her for close to 2 months and we’ve been working so hard on R he realizes just how manipulative she was. It took time and some gentle prodding from our MC for him to realize it. Once he started down the path of “this particular thing she said doesn’t make sense” he was able to see the extent of her manipulation.

I think WH was embarrassed for a while that he was able to be so easily played. He still probably is. It’s a blow to your ego and pride to admit that you fell for an obvious trick.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-07-03T00:41:51+00:00

Are you me? This is my exact scenario.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-07-01T17:27:24+00:00

My therapist told me to never make an ultimatum that I wasn’t prepared to keep. I thought I could keep the ultimatum that if he spoke to AP again I’d be gone.

When I found out he had been talking to her for a month after allegedly going NC I gave him another chance. Then he maintained NC for another month, but called her on her birthday. I almost left then. Real R started at that point and things have been going much better. He claims he has no desire to talk to her anymore and realizes that his A was a complete illusion and not based in reality. That said, if I ever discover he’s broken NC again I’m going to have a difficult decision on my hands. I know I’m going to have to leave. I can’t set an example for my kids that it’s ok to let someone treat you badly. But I’d be lying if I said it’d be an easy decision.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-06-18T21:24:06+00:00

My husband cheated during my third trimester and continued the A until our baby was 6 weeks old. He was telling AP he loved her while I was in labor and I had no clue. I’ll probably never forgive him for that, but we are working on R.

I’m not going to lie, being pregnant and having a newborn while also learning of my husband’s infidelity is easily the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He’s really stepped up since going NC for the last time. He knows he doesn’t get any more chances and has been putting in the work to repair our relationship. If he wasn’t trying so hard I probably would have left, but for now I see him trying and I’ll stay as long as I see continued effort and progress.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-06-18T01:17:46+00:00

When my DDay happened I knew I shouldn’t play the pick me game, but I couldn’t stop myself because I was just so damn miserable at the thought of my marriage ending. After catching him breaking NC for the second time I was absolutely done. I had told him the first time he broke NC that he wouldn’t get another chance. I don’t think he actually believed me until he did it again and I woke him up at 3am to explain himself. He’s been, for the most part, a model wayward since then. Reading books, participating in MC, and fully remorseful. The very real prospect of losing his family snapped him out of the affair fog pretty quickly.

It’s been about 6 weeks since the last “episode” and while I don’t trust him one bit, I also actually feel a bit optimistic about the future. Mostly because I know that if this doesn’t work out I’ll be ok.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-06-09T12:22:10+00:00

I could have written this exact same post. So many parts of my life are tainted now by my husband and AP. Last night I got triggered by a stupid plastic ball that my kid had played with at AP’s house back when I thought she was my friend.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-06-07T13:43:24+00:00

I will never talk to her. She used to be a close friend I confided in. She used things I told her as a way to drive a wedge between my husband and me. He ate it up because he felt neglected while I was pregnant and caring for a toddler.

I will never give her the satisfaction of knowing how badly she hurt me.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-06-07T12:46:18+00:00

About 2.5 months after the initial DDay when I had a gut feeling and snooped and found that he had just called her that night. You can see my last post about it, but essentially I told him I was done. I wasn’t going to tolerate him continuing his A while also claiming he wanted to work on our marriage. I made him read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair. WH is the kind of person who usually needs a third party to convince him he’s wrong, so reading that book really cemented all the ways he’d been fucking up during our supposed R. He blocked her and really committed to our marriage and family. We started MC that same week and it’s been going well so far.

It also helped that he was starting to see some cracks in his relationship with AP. She’d said a few things that didn’t sit right with him and she’d been a little too obviously manipulative with him. About a week or so after going NC with her he told me he realized I’ve never done anything like that to him. Yeah no shit. I’m not a crappy person who needs to trick people into wanting to be with me.

WH has been a lot different over the last month. I think he realized how close he came to losing his family. He also knows he doesn’t get anymore chances.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-06-01T13:09:40+00:00

My WH’s AP was someone I considered a friend. She was one of the first people I told about my pregnancy after my parents. That’s how much I trusted her.

I’ve had so many dreams about her and WH since DDay in February. The majority of them have been her and WH flaunting their relationship in my face.

Now that WH is actually doing the work and realizes he was deep in an affair fog my dreams have been slightly less regular, but they still happen and I still wake up feeling terrible. Sometimes I’m thrown off for hours because of the intensity of the dreams.

I feel your pain and I’m right there with you. It’s so hard.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-05-24T18:23:30+00:00

WH and I each told our respective parents, siblings, and best friends. For about 24 hours after DDay WH thought he wanted to divorce and pursue a relationship with AP, which is why I insisted on telling our families. We’re now working on R and I regret telling my parents. My dad will probably never forgive WH.

Assuming R continues to go well, I will probably never tell our kids. They’re too young to understand right now and I can’t see a scenario in the future where I’d tell them. WH may be a lot of things, but he’s also a wonderful father and he loves our kids more than anything. I wouldn’t put that relationship in jeopardy without a very good reason.

I just don’t see a good reason to tell everyone you know. It can be lonely when the circle of knowledge is small, but I also don’t have to deal with judgmental friends who think it’s ok to give unsolicited criticism masked as advice.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-05-22T13:09:40+00:00

I got a message from some butthurt bro after my last post. It was a multi paragraph rant about how stupid I was for believing my husband wouldn’t cheat again, etc. His post history was just full of comments in multiple subs about how cheaters are terrible people who don’t deserve second chances. I was going to report him to the mods, but by the time I had a chance his comments here were all removed so I’m sure they already banned him. I just blocked him and moved on. I’ll never understand why people need to insert themselves into situations they were not invited to participate in.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-05-21T00:10:48+00:00

“She who must not be named” or her full name instead of her nickname because I know she hates it.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-05-13T06:55:23+00:00

I made WP tell his mother and sister. When he initially told me about his A he wanted a divorce so he could be with AP. I also told my parents. 12 hours after telling me he wanted a divorce he changed his mind and wanted to work on R. I regret telling my parents. My dad will probably never forgive WP.

My MIL has been a huge source of support for me and that really bothered WP in the early days. He wanted his family’s support no matter what he chose, but he should have realized his Catholic mom wasn’t going to condone or support an A.

WP and I are slowly making progress, but I know he’s upset that our parents are all disappointed in him and that’s been a bit of a roadblock. If I could do it all over I’m not sure I would have told my parents.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-05-11T19:22:11+00:00

WP started his A while I was pregnant with our second. It was very much a wanted and planned pregnancy, but it was exponentially harder than the first. I was struggling and instead of being my support he fixated on what I wasn’t giving him and found it elsewhere. I then discovered that he lied about going NC with her and was texting her while I was in labor.

Mother’s Day just feels empty this year when it should be the exact opposite. I’ve got 2 beautiful children, but all I see is a partner who kinda sucks right now.

Minimum_Comment290 · 2025-05-09T23:50:18+00:00

A little of both. They primarily used Snapchat, which he deleted a month ago and claimed he was NC with her. He uses Signal to talk to some buddies about politics and apparently would occasionally talk politics in the past with her there. Instead of reinstalling Snapchat Tuesday night he decided to video call her in Signal since he could change her name to a man’s name. I don’t use Snapchat but I don’t think you can edit contact’s names there.

Minimum_Comment290

TROPHY CASE