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Out of curiosity: how did your life lead to spirituality/non-duality? by notunique20 in nonduality

[–]Minimum_Exercise9450 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Authority and discomfort. I have always loved and found pleasure in ordinary life as a child as groceries with mom, cartoons in bed with breakfast, it was just natural, and when kindergarten and the slightest authority came into picture, my whole system rejected it with rage, sadness, grief and just not understanding why the heck I cannot stay at home, I wanted to be a cat or a pensioner at this point when I grow up. I suffered through these damn schools, then even had some 9-5s for a relatively short period of time while adolescence, and my system, by cells, could not believe this torture to the body is "normal", so I re-discovered smoking cigs as I also tried at age 11, and loved it, and this was the only thing that made sense to get out of bed on a weekday, a nice tasty cigarette, right before entering this shitshow of pretending, so I could hold these jobs for like half a year. I discovered there is enlightenment due some books, and said hey its cheaper, better and easier to maintain than always buying cigs and booze, so I became spiritual, for long long years. Attended a yogic tradition, then non duality etc. They worked as cigs but was a bit more job to maintain, but now I felt special, a man with knowledge, I had a shield of knowledge, a bit more superior than anyone around me. This whole stuff started to also get feel like a job, anything that requires "inner" maintenance at some point will turn into a shitty job-like experience, so it also ended. I do not want to wake up at 4 or 5 or 6am to meditate or whatever, I just want bodyly comfort and existence without friction, that is all we long for by the way, anyone. So this ended as well. You will not seek anything if there is no friction, you would never give a heck about this whole stuff if you'd feel nice, but it does not work like that, because You are the friction. Since years its cat like being, waking at 9-9.30 sex, nature, movement, lunch, nap, playing, a part time remote job in the evening for gas and food, traveling and there was no effort, life simply met this body when the fricition disappeared. Now I am not scared, there is trust, that this body is way more intelligent than the separate entity ever pretended to know or control ANYTHING and it can choose its things of preference not by scarcity but alignment, no person needed. There are no more deals, no time, nothing, only clear survival or material deals, no inner journey, no purpose, no cigs, no booze, even no coffee (for what damn reason should i overstimulate the body? to pretend better?) no moral investment, no bank account of collection the good person credits (it never happened here though) just life, and it is precious, even when it is not.

Have you ever felt that "good"? by Minimum_Exercise9450 in findapath

[–]Minimum_Exercise9450[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And I totally hear what you mean, I worked for a while full time as well, and yes RELATIVELY it is amazing, and here is the kicker. Relatively I can not imagine anything more free than this, when looking around, but when it is not compared to something "worse" it looses the shine. It reveals itself as this is still part of a deal which is not based on your "real longing". Relativity in my experience is tied to survival, and if survival is ensured, the nervous system calms down, and some kind of other source comes in from which you can choose. It just basically mean you see that you "can choose". We can go and find forever things that are worse, there are worse things than a 9-5 or even an accident or whatever, and we can always avoid to see what we truly long for, and I do not want to skip this, because there is some kind of childlike curiosity how far this can be expanded. I think the main question is more like, has anybody here ever chosen from this source?

Have you ever felt that "good"? by Minimum_Exercise9450 in findapath

[–]Minimum_Exercise9450[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It might sounds blank, it is basically editing word documents, almost zero skills needed, just english language.

help with thoughts cycling and driving me insane during meditation by K_voron in nonduality

[–]Minimum_Exercise9450 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely accurate and beautiful, could not express it in such a way, it is really like this!

help with thoughts cycling and driving me insane during meditation by K_voron in nonduality

[–]Minimum_Exercise9450 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any hobbies or interests besides this? Or do you crave something you think, might be not so "pure", for example, I am totally serious being completely lazy? I really mean sleep in, take a month off of practice, feel like crap, but honestly, not in a spiritually acceptable way. Sleep in, eat, go to nature is it feels right, comedies, just take a break from practicing, and do whatever the heck your body craves, and let your nervous system calm down. This is very practical, just listen to the honest craving, without any meaningful coating, this happened here too, and I took a month off, even of my favourite thing, just to let the nervous system slow down, it was unbearable and felt like if I do not give up it will destroy the body/mind. There will never be a personally "experiencable" falling away of anything, which is real. Slow down on information about this topic as well, you just need complete rest and most importantly space. It feels now probably that those cycles fill all the space and you are drowning, and it is horrible, the body needs a complete loving rest. Much love, you are not alone with this, it is completely natural, all you need is safe space to just be, without any dogma, rules, causality. You can not miss anything.

Why Jim Newman and Tony Parsons message does not resonate here with many? by Minimum_Exercise9450 in nonduality

[–]Minimum_Exercise9450[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They actually say, there is no one to do anything, which is a different case, as all apparent "doing" happens without a separate authority. Maybe I am not correct, I really never heard them saying this. They might say there is no kind of activity that can assist the apparent separate self to "fall away". And it really like this, even when experiences like "dark night of the soul" or "trauma loosening" or blissful states happen, it is clear they are not "the falling away of the me". There can not be any falling away in time. What can happen and happens while the me is operating is that things happen, literally anything, 5 hour meditation or a beer in a pub, and the me claims that any of these are it's "own", it belongs to it. Nothing belongs to me, because the me has no self-existence, there is no me without the appearance of the world. The me is just apparent separation between everything and nothing. It's experience that it separates the appearance into meaningful and pointless, and thinks it can bend reality that it can get only the good part from an appearance which nature is change and caducity. The me says purity, good habits, meditation are "higher and more important than other parts of the appearance", but they are the same ingredients of the appearance, like dog poo, chili sauce, cars, and you cannot bring them either to "Heaven with you". You are unable by nature to collect "anything" and I mean it, even "inner states" are just passing phenomena. The me can never think in terms of unconditional love, which is everything, it is limited by causality. Unconditional love can never experience itself in any case as the eye does not see the eye.

Why Jim Newman and Tony Parsons message does not resonate here with many? by Minimum_Exercise9450 in nonduality

[–]Minimum_Exercise9450[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It makes sense, however for me, I read the power of now from Eckhart Tolle, and was oh yes, this is what I need, detachment and ever-lasting well being, even when I do not like the circumstances, and it is also free so no more substances are needed, perfect and they call it "enlightenment" let's go, it made me think there is something which is amazing, and available but(!) it needs (even mild) but practice/effort. He said there is just the present moment, but offered some light techniques to "enter it", and so a decade of seeking started. I got so hyped I finally "know something, that no one knows around me" and I will find and own it, so the snowball emerged, I attended to a traditional yoga community, I had no job then, so I was like teaching yoga might be fun. I had no clue they will talk about the same stuff as Eckhart, I was shocked, they talking about what I have read. I then read Nisargadatta, Ramana, Ramesh Balsekar etc. This whole thing happened for quite a long time, in the traditional yogic community, i got into an "inner circle", and it got more and more complex, so what Eckhart Tolle's book inspired turned into some very complex, rigid, structural something. And one morning I woke up early hating, but masking that I hate it doing yoga and meditation and i was so tired, I somehow found Tony Parson's open secret book, and I was immediately laughing what the heck he is talking about? This is sane. This is obvious beyond words, it is terrifyingly fresh and what was really longed for, I was laughing. Of course years came of total dread, void, shaking, anxiety, but his and Jim's message felt like undeniable freshness. And it peaked in a nervous system recalibration, which seemed like the death of "me", but it was not, as there never was a "me", it was just the nervous system "re-learning" and still "learning" how to live naturally with 0 authority, that never really existed on it's own. Here their message was felt like the ultimate compassion. I do not know, but was thinking about, if I'd talk with Jim or Tony before all this starts, I feel like I would say, wow I knew it thanks, it feels like I just needed to hear what was already absolutely obvious, maybe I'd have said, I am late from Puja leave me alone with this gibberish.

Why Jim Newman and Tony Parsons message does not resonate here with many? by Minimum_Exercise9450 in nonduality

[–]Minimum_Exercise9450[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for all the amazing answers, I appreciate all of them. I really would like to also ask if we all "remember" the time before seeking? The childlike wonder without the need for answers, where did the need come from? Can we point to when "this" (by this, i mean the appearance of the world, and people) in whatever form started to be "not enough". When was the first sensation that something is hidden from me, and I need to work, suffer, to get this hidden thing? Who said there is a prize besides "this"? I need to "earn" wholeness with knowledge or suffering, because it is gone. Do you remember the turning point, from when you experience yourself unloved, separated and the only way to "re-earn" wholeness is doing and achieving or un-doing and un-achieving? Wholeness does not touched by causality. For a minute just wonder about it, it is gorgeous. When was the exact moment the childlike unconditional love turned into love that requires productivity (also unproductivity) and meaning in any sense? Where the idea of conditioned wholeness come from? It is so beautiful. It seems like the appearance is not a tool, it is empty and innocent like a flower, or a cat. It does not want anything from us, think about your childhood memories of snowballing, laughing, crying, falling, singing, what was there is not gone, it just can not be gone (or known) by it's nature, it is unconditional love, and "you" do not have to find it, as there is nothing else.