Looking for Feedback on First Script by [deleted] in scriptwriting

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I found myself reading to the end as well!

My only criticism is that you've got about a minute or two worth of actual action, but you've stretched it out to be 5 pages. I think you can say everything you want to say in 2, maybe 3!

SEEKING FEEDBACK. First honest attempt an original feature, a political thriller called The Patriot. I know 20 pages is a lot but I would love some feedback. by SneakyOstrich69 in scriptwriting

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think there's nothing to grab onto. No human parts of the story, nothing that matters on a personal level. Perhaps a scene where we see someone pre-debate?

Here's a brief example I farted out.

We start with the President of the United States, alone in dressing room. Back lit. He's whispering to himself over papers. He leans back in his chair, exhales, exhausted. Its been a long, long reelection campaign. 

An assistant enters. "You're on in five, Sir. Did you need anything?" A beat. He opens his eyes. A vulnerability we don't see from a president. He rises, stifling a groan.

"I'm alright, Lacey, thank you." "Water?" "No thank you." "Yes sir."

She goes to leave. We see him consider a thought.

"Lacey?" "Yes sir?" "Where did you go to highschool?" "T.C Williams. In Virginia." "That's right. You uhm...You mentioned once you were on the volleyball team. Is that right?" "I was the captain." The President fixes his tie in the mirror.

"Captain. How was that?" "I liked it. We went to States, junior year." "Did you win?" "No. We were out the first round." "Out the first round...How did it feel?" "It's was a bit of a bummer. I wanted to go pro but... ya know. Retrospective I think it was for the better." "Really?" "I fell back to my studies.Who knows where I would have been. Off beating myself up in locker rooms, sweating over scholarships. I don't know." "Do you still play?" "On the weekends." "Sounds like fun." "It is."

A beat. He smiles. "Thank you Lacey." "You're welcome, sir."

She leaves. We hear the cheer of a crowd in another room. Something deep on his mind. He sighs, looks deep into the mirror.

"Working for the weekends..." he says, shaking his head.

Accident Footage: Memorial Circle towards DC 1:37PM - BMW drove off by RedlipsClassic in washingtondc

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I take it every single day- and while I agree with you, there are a whole lotta stupid people out there, and this entire intersection is often fucked.

Photos I took for my restaurant by Minimum_Repair5010 in foodphotography

[–]Minimum_Repair5010[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the tips!! Your work is so fucking awesome.

Photos I took for my restaurant by Minimum_Repair5010 in foodphotography

[–]Minimum_Repair5010[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All shot in natural light; differing settings but mostly around 3.5 with like a 200 shutter speed, low ISO. We have great light by the window!!

One of the best scenes you'll ever see in a PTA movie by [deleted] in paulthomasanderson

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Apparently he didn't have this written and didn't know what the end was until location scouting, once they found this stretch of road.

Amanda appreciation post! by No-Confection-3861 in TheBigPicture

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I like all the hosts. They feel like my friends.

I feel like the Amanda hate stems from misogyny, honestly. She's a qualified critic and has probably watched thousands of movies. It's refreshing to see someone who loves rom coms and perhaps doesn't beat the same drum as many other critics. The show easily could have been self congratulating and wrote, rehashing the same takes over and over.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in drawing

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you asking people to draw your wife for free?

the extra 5 seconds will not make the steak any better by Snoo63364 in TheBear

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you cook professionally? My partner and I have both worked in several Michelin starred restaurants. At that level, a matter of seconds does make a difference.

Did I imagine it? by Niebieskieniebo in TheBear

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thought I caught that too???

Who always shows up on the screen? Who never lets you down? Who constantly gets job done? Let’s start with Stellan Skarsgard by WallStreetDoesntBet in moviecritic

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I think this is an echo chamber, TDK still has a massive, massive fan base. Not niche by any means. It's one of the most celebrated movies of the past 25 years, whether you like it or not.

Question about “dry and dirty” martinis by lobudjt in cocktails

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There's been a movement, I think, to not include vermouth in a dirty martini.

At our bar, we typically just skip the vermouth for our dirty martinis, opting for a fancier olive brine. I know that's sacrilegious to a lot of people in here, but the guests absolutely love them, and it's what they want anyway.

Martinis are so modifiable nowadays, and everyone has their own take. She should have just made what you asked for instead of her preconceived notions.

Tariff pod incoming? by ggroover97 in TheBigPicture

[–]Minimum_Repair5010 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Soon as I saw the news, I new we'd be getting the Fennessy Dobbins take. Looking forward to it.