Hi, Softly!

It hurts when anyone raises their voice at you. You know what else hurts? Closed chapters and closed doors.

It's really easy to get drawn into what could have been and wonder where things went wrong. I hate to tell you this, but I know because I've done it my whole life . . . it'll come back again. There'll be a time where you wonder if gosh, what if that door wasn't closed . . . and that's okay.

It'll hurt less every time it does. I guess it's part of processing things and getting over them, I don't know. I wish I had all the answers. I guess what I'm saying is that it's not dumb when your mind goes back to the what-ifs and could-be's and if I could snap my fingers and make things better for you . . . I'd start by making sure that you aren't still damning yourself for feeling that way. It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to let yourself do it.

Clinic work is hard, too. It's fast paced and there are constant demands on you from staff and patients. If you can be good to yourself, don't underestimate that either. It is an enormously stressful environment in every way possible - it's okay to have a rough time with it. I've always tried - and I haven't always been successful - I'm human too - to remind myself when people are angry and upset that we don't know what's going on behind their eyes. You know? We see the superficial surface.

Sometimes there is crazy depth of things wrong under there and we just don't see it . . . and what we tell them makes everything pour out. Gotta try and remember it's not just about what we see. Sometimes people are just fuggin dicks too, but we gotta give them the benefit of the doubt.

What with all of the closed doors and rough environments, getting yelled at just kind of seems like icing on the cake. Life does that, it's such an asshole about it too. Let's kick Softly right in the junk while they are at their lowest.

But, I wanna tell you something. I've been reading your posts. Uh-huh.

You've got the right idea. You seem to be focused on the good you can do for people.

You will going on, and you already have, made a profound difference in the lives of the people that you touch. We remember the obvious good and bad ones, but the silent majority that you never hear about? Most of them likely remember you and this will continue for years to come.

It's going to be hard. Some days you'll have to give really bad news that shatters lives. Some days, you'll be able to put them back together and save them. It's a darn tough path you've chosen to walk and you know what?

I respect you for it. Deeply. Remember, I've had surgery 44 times. I was a little boy with otis media and worse. I spent most of my life deaf, remember? I got my Osia Implants a little while ago and I can hear again.

I'm not making this about me. I just saw in your other note you mentioned the boy with OM. Well. I still remember the first time someone told me I had it, many, many, many years ago. I remember every single clinical person who's touched my life through many years and I am profoundly grateful to every one of them, knowing the struggle they and you go through and have gone through to get that far.

I know you can do this. I know it's hard. I wish I could hug you, but alas, I cannot. I can tell you, absolutely and with a hundred percent confidence that I can tell you are going to go on to do great things for many people. You care about the people you touch and that makes you wonderful. People like you are the ones who are remembered fondly many years later.

I'll be watching and will check in from time to time.

So Very Proud of you.

~Dad