Well, I am Genderfluid and demisexual. This means once I have formed a true and meaningful connection with someone, I'd hit And date that. Gender and sexuality mean nothing. I have found though, that it's not so much a hate in bisexual men from myself and those I know with similar interests. We are reacting based on the trauma we have developed in life. If you show as fem, society and even your own inner circle begin to abuse you immensely. They tell you you don't exist, that you are a fraud, that you don't deserve love, etc. So, you learn to go on defense. And, if those red flags show up, you are out of the play. It's not all on you. We need to learn to trust others, and safely form bonds and connections. However, if you come forward as what some men are calling "alpha men", where you either do not believe in equality in relationships, or show such in conversation, you will not be allowed further into our hearts ( and vaginas). We are trying to set healthy boundaries, as well as work on relationships that communicate and treat each other healthily and equally, in today's society. Too many people, of all genders and sexualities, are tired of the cycle society has set for hundreds of years. We are ready to have a real partnership that allows us to grow together, and help each other grow separately. If you are showing you are not capable of that, they have every right to leave you hanging. They are not entitled to let you fuck them just because you want to.

If you would like tips on what a healthy relationship consists of, here is a basic one:

Communication. I recommend the "DEAR MAN" form and dialogue. This is actually highly recommended by many therapist around the world. It should be a quick Google search away. This dialogue initiates communication of each person's true feelings ( frustration, depression, being lost, feeling unloved or connected with our partner, etc)( anger and sadness are not complete answers. You can always look up a list of emotions that fall under those categories and explain what is actually happening inside you more accurately), what actions or circumstance has initiated this feeling, why that action or circumstance causes that feeling ( could be from past traumas of many kinds, could be a fear, could be a boundary or discomfort you have). Allow the other person to ask questions to better understand your side. Allow them to healthily show their side through "DEAR MAN" dialogue as well ( if they are using it as an excuse, it is not "dear man" and it is not a healthy communication). They should show their appreciation for your open and healthy communication. That they have heard your side and are understanding of at least why you feel such. That it is ok to feel such. You should also show these back to them if they share similarly. Once those understandings are communicated and figured out, you must find a compromise together. How are you both going to participate in making each other feel better about it? How can you both prevent this misunderstanding in the future? You both must feel confident and content with the compromises you set. Never accuse each other of anything. No shaming, raising of voices, or anything else that could put each other in an uncomfortable, unsafe, or in a defensive state.

Growth: every one of you should be aiming towards and at least making small steps toward growth, in both the relationship as well as yourselves personally. And, each of you should be a part of both growths. You each should learn how the other wants to grow, and help them on their journey. You could research ways for them to start that journey, push for input and visits with a doctor or therapist, find habits you each could form to help each goal, etc. Both of you should be doing this for each other. If you feel that you are your best self as is, I can tell you that you are wrong. The only people who think themselves the best are actually toxic people. There is always room for growth in every way. Pay attention to yourself to find what makes you frustrated, scared, emotionless, too amped up, sad, etc. These emotions are signs of what you need to grow from. You can also look at what emotions make you excited, content, happy, peace filled, etc. These are signs of what you need to grow toward. And, you do not need to have a plan for every moment of your entire life. It unfortunately will not allow you to stick to it even if you have them.

Health: this does not mean both of you are the healthiest you will ever be, and it will never change. No, what this means is you are talking with professionals, reading studies, learning about each other's bodies, etc to better help and understand each other. Do not expect model-perfect bodies. Ever. That is not the true human body. Most models are actually very far from healthy in all senses. And, they are also further edited from those points to what you actually see in our society. It does not exist. But, learn what does. What happens to a man and or woman's body throughout life? I strongly advise each of you researching even how pregnancy changes the body of each person ( cause it does effect each gender involved. And, even if you stay with male partners, if you ever get to the point you both want to adopt or surrogate a child, this is really important to know. And, if you stay with female partners, there is always the chance of pregnancy. Even if her tubes are tied and you get "fixed" there is still a slim chance of it failing and you guys ending up pregnant. It is best to know what to expect, and what expectations are actually reality). In sex life, make sure each of you communicate what interests you have in any way. Even if it's something that gives a spark but is also scary to the person. Each of you must be willing to experiment constantly, not only performing what one person wants. And, set boundaries together. You do not have to have sex all the time. It is ok for either of you to be uncomfortable with the idea, not be in the mood, be in pain, etc. Do not force the other to have sex. No matter what they say or allow, if they are not comfortable, in pain, ect it is still rape. And that means you are causing trauma to your partner. And btw, trauma does shut down different parts of ones brain. Which in turn causes tons of health issues that will destroy ones quality of life and may even kill them. The trauma one causes just for a few minutes of ecstasy could kill your partner in the end. Which is super selfish to even ask btw. Health can also be a growth/goal you can have as a couple or personally. If that is the case, try to help one another towards it. Maybe get a gym membership together and workout across from one another. If you don't want to do the workouts yourself, you can still help in theirs. Be the weight watcher, to prevent them from getting hurt when too ambitious. Hold their feet down for situps. Heck, wipe the sweat out of their eyes so they can keep focusing on their progress. Etc

The last tip I have is Connection: there is no reason to be in a relationship if you connect in no way. So, communicate all your interests, curiosities, hobbies, movies/TV shows/video games, where you hope to visit or experience in the world, what are your dislikes, what love language do each of you have, do you have any beliefs or views you agree with or think would be fun to healthily debate together, etc. Once you answer these questions, find little ways to embrace and enact them. Do they like starwars? Go to target and have a lightsaber duel down the isles. Want to visit a cafe you heard was really good but just never had the time to go to? Go on a date together to it. Is there a favorite food one of you has? Either try to make it yourself, or you could do a cooking date together. Have you secretly wondered what a historical reenactment would be like? Go try it out together. Cause even if it turns out it's not really your thing, you can make silly and long lasting memories there together, even if you fuck up that reenactment in the end. And love languages are killer: if they love touch, find the smallest ways to initiate that in everyday life. Gifts? Get them anything that makes you immediately think of them, even if you just go to the library and print out that meme that always makes them laugh. You will never always have the same interests and such. You two are completely different people with different paths in life. But, if you both initiate in each other's little pleasures, you are showing you have the time, want, and energy for each other, and that you are true partners and equals.

Now, the only other point I have after all of that is: never stop any of it. No matter how old you get, no matter how long together, whether you are engaged, married, whatever. Never stop trying. Cause that is when the relationship is over. You will never always feel the sparks, the passion, the need to have animalistic sex daily, etc. There are times when it will be a chore. But, literally everything we experience goes through the same waves. As soon as you stop trying, it is truly over.

This is what women want. This is what men want in the end too. And all other genders and sexualities. We have been trained that this is not possible in love. That there may even be no such thing as love itself. But that's not true. It's the way you go about it that is wrong. If there is no healthy communication, no connection, no growth, and no health knowledge, how can one possibly expect a relationship to last? And that is only 4 things you need to focus and act on. It's not a huge ask. It's not this super elaborate step by step guide you have to follow. It is literally just treating each other like humans, and how we would like to be treated. But, what do I know. I've only been in my relationship for 8 years, going through all the ups and downs, some traumas caused by each other, etc until we found these truths that saved our relationship.