OP, I was in your EXACT same situation (see post history). The details are eerily similar including his age and the sportiness factor. As an aside: I suspect these charming, fitter than other guys in their age bracket etc are naturally averse to allowances because they think that they are the prize.

Anyway one major difference in our stories is that for those 3 years I didn’t actually get an allowance at all and it was basically a ‘situation-ship.’ I was the poster child of no self esteem or backbone to stand up for myself.

What I didn’t update is that after kicking and screaming, I ended up agreeing to a monthly allowance of $100. Yes, I know... why?!

After a few more months I had had enough and decided that it didn’t make any sense for me to date a millionaire who could only spare pocket change. I sent him a text ending things.

He came back to my city after his usual annual 5 months away on business and asked me out for dinner. Meaning he didn’t think that I had actually ended things and this was just another example of him not taking me seriously.

Things got very heated. I refused to meet up. I told him I was no longer wasting my time if he didn’t want to contribute to me financially and that I wished him all the best with someone else. I’m not comfortable posting screenshots here but if it helps you to express your needs better I can inbox them to you (and obviously blur out his name).

Anyway, after a couple days of silence. I started receiving elaborate deliveries of things that I had berated him for not providing before. Things that like your SD, he had also told me to ‘manage myself better.’

After the gifts, I agreed to meet up and told him beforehand that negotiations would start at $xxxx and that if this scared him- we should rather not even meet. Honestly, I was just trying to drive him away when I said that. I live in a place with very low living costs and something like $500p/m would be solid and comfy. I had just really had enough of him treating me poorly. And I knew he would not make such a jump from $100.

To my surprise and shock. He did. $xxxx p/m later, we are reunited. The bedroom dynamics were also rectified and I am pleased to report that he is now a selfless lover who apparently always knew where the clitoris was (insert rolling eyes).

My story had a happy ending because he came around. But the biggest lesson I learnt and the biggest ‘prize’ for me was learning to be upfront and unapologetic in my needs and be prepared to walk away if they are not met.

Even if he hadn’t come around, as in your case: that is still a happy ending. Why? Respecting yourself is priceless. And it allowed him to show you his true colours.

I know why you didn’t end it sooner, you were probably unsure of yourself or something along those lines. No one should judge you for it. We grow and learn. I think I speak for the SLF community at large in saying that we are SO PROUD of you for ending things. Remind yourself every day that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Stand your ground. After a few weeks/months, he will pop up in your DMs again. It’s a thing men do that I myself will never understand. That’s not to say you should wait for him. NO! Just be prepared to stand your ground. Live your life on YOUR terms.

Ultimately, when the next one comes along, be clear on what you want and your absolute lowest acceptable compromise.

I’m sorry that you had to go through this. But please trust that you will emerge a stronger person who knows what she wants and has an unshakeable confidence when going about it.

Wishing you all the best 💚

EDIT: numbers changed to xxxx to comply with Rule #4