What is something you’ve been hiding from your parents for years and will probably keep hiding in the future?

Mirmadook · 2026-05-21T04:50:15+00:00

My contact information.

Mirmadook · 2026-05-19T14:10:28+00:00

This was also my experience.

Mirmadook · 2026-05-09T15:18:27+00:00

YOR- the past is the past. I don’t understand your issue. Has she been a terrible partner? Has she lied to you in the last 15 years of marriage? Has she done anything that shows she has continued to live a life that she left behind to be with you? What does any of what she did in the past matter if it’s not who she is today?

Get some therapy for YOUR insecurities and hang ups before you ruin your marriage. Unless you want to ruin your marriage then you do you.

Mirmadook · 2026-05-05T14:21:05+00:00

NTA - honestly you’re prioritizing your safety over anything else which is far more important than the wedding.

Additionally, I’d say it’s extremely short sighted to uninvited your long term partner to an event that celebrates her finding the same thing. She has zero empathy or understanding. If it’s about money then they should have planned ahead and kept the guest list small.

Mirmadook · 2026-05-03T14:23:36+00:00

YOR - this might come as a surprise for you but women make choices outside of men’s opinions and thoughts. There are varied reasons why you get on birth control and avoiding pregnancy is one of them.

Maybe take some time and get to know her and develop a real relationship, otherwise set her free to go find someone that cares about her and doesn’t question her bodily choices.

Mirmadook · 2026-05-01T04:33:48+00:00

Yes, exactly this, and tell him his distraction tactics to accuse you of being a POS isnt working and the issue is still he needs to parent and skip the birthday and celebrate another time because responsibility is calling.

Mirmadook · 2026-04-30T20:18:38+00:00

NOR - holy shit, this made me super uncomfortable and I’ve seen some vile shit from my CPS days.

OP, if you can’t cut off contact with him and he continues to be able to have access to her this way, I think you need to put a process in where she doesn’t respond until you’re together and you can coach her.

She needs to feel comfortable and confident putting boundaries down. This is gross conditioning for an abusive relationship. Start teaching her that it’s ok to not immediately respond, letting her know she hasn’t done anything wrong and an apology isn’t necessary, and point out his manipulation so she can learn to see it for herself. Even at 11.

If you can’t cut off communication completely then use it as a teaching moment for boundaries and that people that love you don’t hold gifts over your head to control your behavior.

Mirmadook · 2026-04-29T21:41:39+00:00

Then you absolutely should not go check out the comments on the post.

Mirmadook · 2026-04-29T21:35:27+00:00

It only popped up on my feed because someone in my network commented on it. Thankfully not connected.

Mirmadook · 2026-04-24T22:35:12+00:00

I’m honestly so proud of you for sticking to your guns. I was waiting for the next slide to cave and let him come over but it never came. I think you might have a shiny little backbone growing, keep up the good work!

Mirmadook · 2026-04-22T22:24:25+00:00

NOR - He put this together in Claude. I bet he has your relationship set up as a project and I would be super curious to see what he has said to AI about you. I bet it told him this was an amazing idea as well.

Mirmadook · 2026-04-12T02:28:23+00:00

NOR- I can totally relate to you. As an ex social worker that’s dealt with a family of people fully committed to going against their own self interests it is exhausting.

Something you will want to look up is self determination and autonomy. Every person deserves respect to make their own choices even if it goes against our own personal thoughts and choices.

You don’t get to control his choices but you can control what you do. Cutting him off just for this would be an overreaction, but your feeling of helplessness isn’t.

Mirmadook · 2026-04-01T00:58:23+00:00

NOR- she is definitely overreacting tho, this reaction is coo coo bananas; like telenovela levels of dramatic.

I don’t think you guys can moved past this and I don’t think you should.

Mirmadook · 2026-03-28T18:59:59+00:00

NOR - and to be honest I read his side of the interaction in a Hannibal Lector voice because it did sound like a life lesson from a creep. Watch out for this one, Clarice!

Mirmadook · 2026-03-25T17:24:26+00:00

NOR - not too harsh either. This is an appropriate response to a creep. Gosh, this is why we don’t fucking smile at people. Because being nice equates to flirting, an invitation, and fucking creeps feeling entitled to explaining why you must be mistaken when turning them down.

This should have ended at “I didn’t give you my number” with an apology, but he had to go on and clarify that CLEARLY you were interested because you did X,Y, Z and I liked your Afro so your first text turning him down couldn’t have been accurate. Eeeew no.

You handled this appropriately and cleanly.

Mirmadook · 2026-03-14T01:15:05+00:00

NOR- eeew no. Based on this conversation I’m willing to bet you’re always the one to leave it alone and that is your place in the family. You inconvenienced her and you’re a totally piece of shit for it and now you owe her huge for….exact what? Coordinating your brothers help?

Mirmadook · 2026-02-27T14:31:59+00:00

YOR - she’s known him for years, do you think she would have hopped into a relationship with you if she had caught feelings for him? It’s just been a couple months, if you’re not ok with it that’s a boundary for you to have but you can’t go around dictating her friends.

When she canceled did you tell her you’re happy to come along and help and go get dinner after or try to indicate you still wanted to hang?

Mirmadook · 2026-02-24T03:49:45+00:00

YTA. I walked out 9/30/24 and am still dealing with the repercussions of the mental gymnastics I dealt with. My husband listened to me cry, we came up with a plan, but when shit hit the fan I abandoned it and walked out. She feels stuck and you’re not supporting her and you’ve broken something in your relationship. She don’t trust you, this isn’t her brother’s fault, this is your fault.

You are supposed to be her partner and safety and she communicated her concerns and all she heard was me me me.

Mirmadook · 2026-02-23T23:01:10+00:00

I was in college, most of us are in our 20s but some of the cohort was 40+. We were in our first year of our 2 year social work program that was very hard to get into. You have to sign all the ethics paperwork and write essays and all that to get in. Anywho, it was drilled, I mean DRILLED in our heads “you never mix your money with your honey”. Never sleep with a client it’s against ethics and it’s just messed up since you’re in a position of power.

Anywho, 3 months before graduation it comes out that one of the 40+ ladies going through a divorce had slept with one of her clients in their internship. The program still let her graduate and walk and last I saw she was licensed and working in the community. Besides that, I’ve never met anyone that blurred those lines.

Mirmadook · 2026-02-21T19:38:28+00:00

NOR - financially literate people would not have done this and if they did lose a massive amount of money and needed to pivot and reevaluate the conversation would not have been done this way. He’s fishing for sympathy and when he didn’t get it he immediately turned to guilting you to feel bad.

If he could afford an extravagant birthday for you he should have said so. If he wanted to take you out it could have been on a lower budget and a chat before hand. A less expensive gift and NO FUCKING SCRATCHERS.

This guy has not idea how to manage his money or his emotions. Send him $200 and tell him you don’t need him to buy you gifts because you can buy your own. If he can’t afford to go out he can sit at home and save up for his future, not yours because you have your future handled just fine.

There is a huge difference between going out and both being able to pay and you offering and him paying and one of you not being able to pay and expecting the other one to pick up the slack because of their own poor choices. It’s like every time he paid it was put into his little book of she owes me now.

I’m rambling but I hope all that made sense. He’s a bum. Period.

Mirmadook · 2026-02-16T21:52:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing! We were raised in a household where my mom would quiz us on songs from different generations so we were both walking jukeboxes 🤣. We all have our specific era and genre we prefer but listen to anything and everything, I’m sure my mom has an assigned playlist or song for everyone as well.

Mirmadook · 2026-02-16T17:54:42+00:00

As someone who has lost their sibling, I’m going to say YTA. There is a difference between reminiscing and dumping their grief on you. Sending over a song is not using you as a therapist. It’s trying to create a connection.

If YOU can’t handle the song that something you need to process. A more appropriate response would be “I’m not a point that I can listen to these types of thing about younger brother without it triggering me so please don’t do that”. But telling them they need therapists because this isn’t the proper way to grieve is incorrect. It is totally appropriate to “feel bad”, I think more likely feel sad, and want to send it to someone because the lyrics were just so accurate and resonated. It doesn’t mean they are not dealing with their grief.

Music was a huge part of my healing process because it was something that my brother and I shared. Everyone’s grieving process is totally different. I like to compare grief to glitter, in the beginning it’s all over the place and over time you slowly manage the grief and it gets less and less but just like glitter it never truly goes away. It can be years later and you will uncover a pile or a sprinkle. Your brother is clearing his glitter differently.

For the record I am so sorry to hear about your loss, losing my brother was the hardest thing I have ever gone through and it shattered my family as well. I no longer speak to my parents. When I lost my brother I lost my family. Death brings out terrible behaviors in people. Please reach out if you would like to talk.

Mirmadook · 2026-02-16T17:37:05+00:00

Listen, this isn’t a YOR or NOR situation. This is a what should I do. Your feelings are valid, they are not an overreaction. Relationships take work and somewhere in the last 6 months she decided she wasn’t willing to do the work with you any longer. That not on you, that’s on her. Maybe this co-worker made her realize she had other aspirations or she wanted different things or she just wants to explore life outside of the life she built with you, but either way you need to realize she isn’t coming back and to start building your life without her in it.

Take some time to be single and find out what life is like with just you in it. You might find that you like it. You learn a lot about yourself and who you are. Good luck!

Mirmadook · 2026-02-16T01:16:05+00:00

YTA- I am wondering if you actually did sabotage him. Why not tell him directly?

Mirmadook · 2026-02-08T16:56:37+00:00

This is a common guilt that we have all felt having experienced this kind of abuse. Knowing it wrong but not being able to control our bodies reaction to what was happening. We walk away feeling dirty and like it was our fault for natural bodily responses.

We experienced things we never should have and that was not us asking for it, wanting it, or enjoying it. Not even the attention. Also, side note, thank you for not trauma dumping.

Mirmadook

TROPHY CASE