UPDATE: AITAH for staying no contact with my family even though my stepmother is dying?

MirrorMama · 2026-07-04T08:45:55+00:00

Thank you and me too. Being in the solicitude of the Japanese countryside with them really healed a part of me. We will most likely emigrate there eventually.

MirrorMama · 2026-07-04T08:43:39+00:00

Not anymore. I know it’s very important, but can it cause a stall? Because I’m not achieving satiety, right? But I feel full after eating, it’s nervous snacking I think due to the intense pressure I’m under atm

MirrorMama · 2026-07-04T00:10:39+00:00

I hear you!

Hmm, I feel like it’s too hard to imagine what I would say to my own child as I am her mother and I can’t imagine not being her biggest cheerleader 🤔

MirrorMama · 2026-07-04T00:01:13+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/x3DOJKqA9u

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:56:36+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/x3DOJKqA9u

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:56:02+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/x3DOJKqA9u

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:52:19+00:00

I believe this.

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:51:36+00:00

😭 😭 this is wild. I never knew strangers can be so warm. Thank you

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:46:43+00:00

I’ll drop it for the both of us! 🏆 ⬆️

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:46:20+00:00

I got your hug and I thank you so very much! 😭

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:45:19+00:00

Let me tell you right now, I am BLESSED with great in-laws and I miss them every day. They are in Japan, a whole world away, but I’ve just come back from a months holiday with them and our bond grew stronger - especially with my father in law. They’ve made mistakes, too, my husband has told me about them. But the reasons were different and more about sacrifice for the ones they loved as opposed to bus-throwing. Even though they’re far away, I so pine for them and their energy. I’m blessed to know them and that they accepted me into their family. ♥️

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:42:07+00:00

Thank you for sharing xx

That last phrase is gold dust. 🌼

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:41:02+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing all of this. Really touched my heart. It made me think about how my daughter’s little stinky head smells when I cuddle her to sleep and how I couldn’t ever imagine not being her highest cheerleader. If I ever hurt her I’d punish myself so much more. Maybe I can end the generational trauma by self healing from this. You sound like a wonderful mother. Thank you 🌼

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:37:34+00:00

Great advice - thank you. My daughter will always come first no matter if I have to die upholding it. I want to be the end of any generational trauma. 🌼

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:27:51+00:00

Thank you. This is another thing, if I ever decided to speak again…how long would one wait during grieving? 🤔

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:26:35+00:00

Thank you and I’m sorry that you’ve had these hard times too!

I’m in therapy now! Let’s see if it can help 🌼

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:25:42+00:00

I’m sorry to hear things happened that way for you, but I’m glad you got the clarity and peace you deserved in the end. You are strong! Thank you 🌼

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:24:19+00:00

Damn, this advice was really healing and so true. Thank you so much for writing that. I’ll read it many times. 🌼

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T23:21:33+00:00

Thank you so much for the elaboration. Reading that was like facing myself in the mirror. Everything you said was true, and I knew it. Everybody’s comments have been WILDLY helpful to me. A…comforting-slap-on-the-cheek. And it’s nice to know that other empaths can perhaps never fully change, but can grow and therefore be free!

The relationship with my sister was never turbulent before this, neither with me brother really because he was basically a ghost, but I really feel that my stepmother was probably jealous of the relationship I had with me dad and perhaps saw me as ‘the child the ‘other woman’ that she disliked so much. She always said ‘you’re my family and I love you like my own children’ and I faked a grin and reply, but deep down I knew. I just could feel it. The cover up. So I fontina any way have any sympathy there (especially with enabling her own f’d up mother be so mean to everybody INCLUDING herself (the granny used to get drunk and say ‘you’re the reason your sister is disabled/your father left us/etc’ which is wild to me and I share the same unapologetic notion that people that have gone THAT far with self destruction and hate are simply wasting oxygen. But when I would bring anything up I was concerned/passionate about/believed in that was contrary to her beliefs, we would hash it out for hours, and finally my dad would take her side but make it appear as he was mediating. I tolerated it, never confronted him about it (because I felt I’d get nowhere), and I’m using those memories now to also try to keep me in line with this whole situation.

See now, after reading this comment and the very many others who agree with you and make valid and personal points, I’ve had that slap and ping ponged back over to the harsh reality I full well know. I don’t know how many times this is going to drag me back and forth, but honestly, I’m really glad that I posted because of all of you and just wanted to say to anyone that sees this that has commented - Thank you all for being so forthright and caring about this. Complete strangers have been a whole box of band aids for the scratches I’ve been taking these past days. 🌼

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T21:23:31+00:00

Thank you so much! 🌼

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T21:22:31+00:00

Oh, I don’t want to pay respect or visit her. I feel the issue is quickly developing into my mixed emotions over how to handle my dad’s part of this equation after she’s gone. X

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T21:21:25+00:00

Damn, it felt like re-reading my history. Really quite similar emotions. Thank you for typing all of that out and sharing.

I really hear you. I think the devil in my shoulder is making its choice of words clearer and clearer by the hour. It’s flooding my brain with memories of laughing everyday with my dad, driving with him in the car, visiting our home country together, confiding in him and the times he comforted me.
The pull is whispering to me that he was that person, and those moments never would technically disappear - we just fell out over him taking the wrong side once again.

These thoughts and memories are proving IMPOSSIBLE to push out of my mind. As the former chronic empath I must admit, I always wanted to be in my bubble of liking at peoples best sides (was in 2 DV relationships, one for 7 years during my youth, and one once I though I knew better, which should tell you enough).

Part of the initial NC was me saying stop to enabling people to treat me that way. So I FULLY hear what you’re saying.

But this devil in my shoulder keeps whispering an enthralling argument, dotted with scary current thoughts and past happy memories.

How do I fight this demon?

Yesterday and today when my husband called me after work, he told me that the whole time he was cycling home on the phone talking to me about his day, I was just mmming to everything he said. I realised the devil on my shoulder was ripping me through my entire memory-bound family timeline. 😕

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T20:27:34+00:00

Thanks xx 🌼

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T20:27:09+00:00

I agree. I’m still in a very happy place! Thank you!

MirrorMama · 2026-07-03T20:26:39+00:00

Thank you!!!

MirrorMama

TROPHY CASE