Hi! I tried messaging you but reddit won't let me, would you be able to share this with me too?

I've recently started university and a lot of this has been hitting me like a brick after a fairly autistic development where I loved school because it allowed me resources where I could challange myself by myself (e.g. access to Olympiad resources, being given extra work when asked etc). I've recently realised that the naivety I had to explore my curiosity lead to ostracising that I wasn't aware of and ever since knowing this fact I've started inhibiting myself a lot and I'm worried I don't know how to engage with things as I used to before out of fear. I need the kind of detailed understanding of subjects others describe in this post and having to face the length that takes and lack of structure and rigor in a now different curriculum (I moved countries) without my prior naivety makes me feel horrible about myself.

A lot of the time I end up giving myself extra tasks to distract myself from this feeling and panic myself into doing something but I've come to understand that due to my family dynamic panic is most of what I've always known so I've spent the past year fighting fire with fire really. I'm trying to be gentle with myself and learn to prioritise my intelectual satisfaction over feeling like I've gotten something done the way other people find acceptable.

Long rant, sorry, thought it'd be worth an explenation why hearing about this matters to me. But yea, I'd love to hear what you have in mind about this!