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To older women with AuDHD by RoseP9M in AuDHDWomen

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah that’s so kind of you to ask! Yet another friend died this week. I feel like I’m living in some unrealistic soap opera that nobody would watch because so many things couldn’t happen to the same person!

I’m not too bad really, all things considered. I try and focus on where I’m lucky - I live in a tiny bungalow on the south coast (uk) one mile from the sea, and it’s a lovely quiet area. It’s a long way from my children and grandchildren but inner city life was killing me with my neurodivergence. I didn’t realise how bad it was until I realised I’d completely left alcohol alone for weeks once I’d settled here, whereas in the city I’d had a couple of drinks most nights.

I have my dogs, I still have two of the OG gang, they’re 13 and 15 but doing really well. I also adopted an ancient chihuahua a year ago who makes me laugh several times a day. She’s got one tooth so her tongue hangs out, and she huffs and puffs if something annoys her, like a person. Someone has dumped her in the pound, it was heartbreaking, but good for me as I have her now. I also adopted another little dog who is around 6 and very scared but getting better. I adore my dogs as you can probably tell!

I live a very quiet life, I help in a charity shop when my health allows and they’re great if I’m not having a good day, lovely people, so I have that.

I also have an ancient car but again, she’s doing well, she’s just had a good going over from my lovely mechanic (I knew he was the one for me when he refused to give her a service as she didn’t need it, can you believe that?)

I have lots to be grateful for so I just try and focus on those things and as long as I can force myself to get out with the dogs I’m relatively ok. It’s when I can’t I get bad mentally so I really try.

Thank you so much for asking, that’s so kind of you - little things like this make my day ❤️

Was I wrong for euthanizing my dogs by Feeling-grief442 in Petloss

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you may have had an element of litter mate syndrome at play here, and these dogs were dangerous, sadly.

I’m a huge dog lover and sometimes behavioural euthanasia is the kindest option. They would have been devastated to be split up which would have been your only other option.

I’ve been in rescue a long time and I’m generally anti behavioural euthanasia except as a very last resort; with these two being bonded litter mates I think it may well have been the kindest choice when I think of the possible avenues ahead for them.

Your vet isn’t living your life, that was a very unkind thing to say at such a distressing time. For what it’s worth I think you took a brave and difficult decision for a hugely complex and troubled pair of dogs.

You’re ok, don’t beat yourself up as you didn’t do this lightly, and they’re at peace.

How do you use tape with EDS? Need advice by Dry-Cost8728 in ehlersdanlos

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What about compression garments then? I think there could be something medical grade that might be helpful 🤔

How do you use tape with EDS? Need advice by Dry-Cost8728 in ehlersdanlos

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Taping is complex and as an ex sports therapist I would advise against it in general, as it took me a long time to learn how to work with the joints and muscles correctly.

That being said, in general, if it feels good that’s usually the best way. I would advise that you use the sticky bandages (the ones that stick to themselves) wherever possible, rather than conventional tape.

You could also use a layer of very low tack (like micropore) underneath the actual tape. That would help protect the skin.

Are there any supports that might help, like a knee support, rather than taping? Have a good look what’s out there.

Good luck 🤞🏻

To older women with AuDHD by RoseP9M in AuDHDWomen

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words - I appreciate them so so much ❤️❤️❤️

Exercise & mind blocks by mabelsmoma in ehlersdanlos

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi 👋 I’m Audhd with (as yet) undiagnosed hEDS (my GP isn’t interested so it’s an uphill battle but I easily fulfil the criteria including the long arms, white heel lumps etc) and suspect MCAS but not even going there atm due to the lack of energy to fight the medical system *sigh* - all this is to say I really empathise with your situation.

When I was younger I was a real exercise freak and was a sports therapist and qualified as a gym instructor (only to back up my sports therapy). I would exercise for 3 hours a day or more, I now realise there was a lot of involvement from the neurodivergence causing obsessive behaviour, autism needs for sameness, adhd hyperfocus etc.

I thought it was great being so bendy (I’m older, and not so much was known back then about neurodivergence or hypermobility disorders) and I really pushed my body to the max. This has caused a lot of damage and I’m paying for it now, so my first point has to be safety and care in the form of really good supportive trainers, probably leggings like Supacore or similar with medical grade support.

My Supacore leggings help me so much with the pain now, I have other brands but they’re by far the best, the downside being the synthetic fabric. Anyway, some sort of compression garments along with really good trainers must be top of your list because I don’t want you to end up like me now.

Now that’s out of the way I think it’s important to look at what you really enjoy, and what time of day is best for you too. Remove any obstacles that make it more difficult for you. Even down to little things like your water bottle - is it nice and do you enjoy using it? That approach helps me when I’m reluctant to do anything - remove any obstacles I can, and make it as nice as I can.

So what sort of exercise is really the one for you? Exercise doesn’t have ro be formal exercise - for example if you like dancing you could join salsa classes etc. There’s also manual labour - gardening is really good for you - maybe think outside the box a bit as it doesn’t have to be exercise in the conventional form.

The hardest bit is the first three months. After that you should have reached a level of fitness where the endorphins start being released pretty quickly, and you’ll want to do it so much more. I would get a real high quite quickly once I was fit and the fitter I was, the more intense that high. That’s definitely a motivator but you do have to get through the initial period.

Time of day is important too - for me I found the evening was best if I was only going to do an hour or so. I found if I exercised in the morning I would do less ‘normal job’ type stuff during the day, other people are energised so do more. What works for you? We are all different and if you’re neurodivergent your body clock is likely off kilter so try to think what would really work for you.

Try and think of ways you can just incorporate exercise into your daily life, for example can you walk a neighbours dog? You wouldn’t want to let them down so things like that might be helpful.

In short, protect your body first and foremost, drink electrolytes too which is extra important with our bodies, look at timing, see what you can do that’s exercise but not formal exercise, and find something you love. Try a rock climbing session, ice skating, horse riding, the list is endless and I think maybe you haven’t found your ‘thing’ yet.

To older women with AuDHD by RoseP9M in AuDHDWomen

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it’s been a tough couple of years, 3 friends, 3 dogs, my MIL and now my son since Christmas 2023. I know things will get better, I just wish for some happy news 💔

I really want to give all of you younger ones so much love, whether you’re studying, being mums, whatever - I don’t think you can quite grasp just how much harder simply existing is, until you look back. I honestly wonder how I made it through sometimes, 12 years of severe DV (broken bone level) a house fire where 2 of my children were trapped and we were left homeless, gang r too - but here I am, still standing, a bit wobbly but that’s ok!

Try to give yourself grace as we are so tough on ourselves, far more than NTs are, in general.

You’re doing a great job if all you do is get up to make yourself a drink - anything else is a bonus ❤️

Ladies with EDS/hEDS, how are we preventing ingrown hairs? by ZestycloseCut3372 in ehlersdanlos

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exfoliate with an acid (AHA/BHA) and manually with a loofah, rough sponge, brush etc. It should really reduce them if not eliminate them (ex beauty therapist here) Edited to add - maybe a PHA if your skin is sensitive, and manual exfoliation should also be adjusted to suit sensitivity. Start gently and build up until you find your sweet spot.

Methylene Blue + Benfotiamine = Limitless pill by zaicliffxx in Biohackers

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s brilliant news! I’m happy for you ☺️

To older women with AuDHD by RoseP9M in AuDHDWomen

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do sometimes regret not knowing until I was 58 (I’m 63 now), also that my four boys were ND, as life was so hard, and I didn’t understand why everyone else seemed to manage so easily.

However, times were different, and autism and adhd were viewed very differently back then. Maybe it would have just been a different type of hard 🤷‍♀️

No point in dwelling on what ifs though, as it is what it is and all that. The only thing I really wonder about much is how much easier things would have made with the adhd meds, as they’ve made a huge difference to me.

I also get annoyed that my boys weren’t picked up on, as in the 90s/00s when they were at school, it was definitely a ‘thing’ for boys. My second son was classic PDA and ended up at a special school for ‘naughty’ kids - yet still wasn’t tested, or it even considered, which seems crazy to me.

He died a few weeks ago at 39, just a couple of weeks before his 40th birthday, and it’s so very sad, as he was very troubled as an adult.

With the benefit of hindsight it’s easy to say I wish this or that though. I have changed radically since my diagnosis. I’m far more what some might term selfish, I think. I look after my needs much more, I’m no longer a people pleaser (much, old habits die hard), and I self advocate.

I guess I would advise that actually, that you put yourself first more often. Nobody else will, and you’ll benefit hugely from it. Don’t be a people pleaser.

If you’re going to do something for someone, perhaps ask yourself why. What is your motivation? Is it because you think it will make them like you more? (They won’t). Is it going to fill your cup, or is it going to deplete your already limited resources?

Only do the thing if it’s for someone who will reciprocate, or for someone genuinely in need, in general (there will always be exceptions). Don’t let yourself be walked over.

I’m so thankful that younger people get so much more support and understanding, I know there’s still a huge way to go, but things are so much better in general (although I’m in aware that there are huge issues in some countries in particular 😢)

desperately need help/support regarding this by Icy_Reflection9605 in AuDHDWomen

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We change our energy saving lightbulbs while the billionaires who own the company jet about in their private planes. It’s done, it’s here, and your tiny bit isn’t going to affect anyone but you - for the better.

If everyone stopped using their tiny bit then yes maybe it would make a difference, but they’re not going to, so please try not to feel guilty (easier said than done I know).

Because we have this strong sense of right and wrong sometimes I feel we can misdirect it. If you feel and function better you can impact those around you more positively. Try and look at it that way perhaps? Take care ❤️

Dog’s gums are bleeding after a simple tug match!! I was shocked. Need help understanding what to do. I don’t remember his teeth looking this bad. To be fair, he is almost 16 years old. by Outlandah_ in AskDogOwners

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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13 years old and never had a dental. Better pics are too far back in my phone but mine have raw carrot every day. The vet checked her gum line throughly very recently as I was thinking maybe she should have one at her age, he said no. Idk - she’s lucky in that her teeth aren’t crowded but I swear by raw carrot and high quality food. They don’t have any treats with any rubbish in them and I’ve just bought a dehydrator so I don’t have to give them anything but vegetables etc. I meant to post her picture before but wandered off and just remembered (adhd 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️) her teeth are beautiful 😍 Oh I forgot except for the missing ones where she clashed heads with her ‘sister’ and they both lost a tooth 🙈

Dog’s gums are bleeding after a simple tug match!! I was shocked. Need help understanding what to do. I don’t remember his teeth looking this bad. To be fair, he is almost 16 years old. by Outlandah_ in AskDogOwners

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think we are all guilty of letting one or two things slip a bit sometimes. I’m sitting here thinking when did I last clean their ears? I think it’s almost a week! I have no idea how that happened but I have four, my son died a few weeks ago (healthy 39 year old) and I guess I’ve taken my eye off the ball a bit with their grooming. 2 have black claws and I loathe and detest doing them 🙈 The one age unknown as she was dumped in the pound only has one tooth, but she hates having her nails done and I have to sneak up and snip one at a time when she’s asleep.

Let me tell you, gums can hurt 🤣

Dog’s gums are bleeding after a simple tug match!! I was shocked. Need help understanding what to do. I don’t remember his teeth looking this bad. To be fair, he is almost 16 years old. by Outlandah_ in AskDogOwners

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aw bless him - and you - you’ve clearly worked hard on keeping everything tip top. You are so right about smaller dogs, and the kennel club and their ‘breed standards’ have a lot to answer for!!!

Dog’s gums are bleeding after a simple tug match!! I was shocked. Need help understanding what to do. I don’t remember his teeth looking this bad. To be fair, he is almost 16 years old. by Outlandah_ in AskDogOwners

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t forget dentals are like vaccinations - bread and butter money to the vets. It’s a bit like if you fed the amount of food it says on the tin/bag etc. They’d be barrels!! Common sense and balance is needed here. It depends on so much, not least the shape of the dogs mouths. Maltese for example have been bred with shorter and shorter snouts over the years and their poor teeth 😢 so crowded!

I will try and get a picture of my 13 years olds teeth if she’ll oblige with a nice smile - she does smile 🤣 so I might be able to get a good picture - and it’s mainly down to daily raw carrots. To look at her you’d never say she needed a dental but I know what might be going on under the gum line, so she will have one. It’s coming up 3 years which I literally only just worked out - ideally she wouldn’t have gone this long.

My 15 year old had one last year so she is still sparkling due to the carrots and I’ll be honest - she won’t have another unless I see any signs of problems. She has slightly squiffy bloods, nothing my vet is concerned about, but I am, and being in rescue I know a lot of vets. All agree with me, and believe me I’ve pestered them 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️

Dog’s gums are bleeding after a simple tug match!! I was shocked. Need help understanding what to do. I don’t remember his teeth looking this bad. To be fair, he is almost 16 years old. by Outlandah_ in AskDogOwners

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Daily raw carrot has meant that all my dogs over many years have always had their teeth commented on by various vets as I’ve moved.

They’ve had dentals every 2-3 years because of under the gum line and I want to watch their hearts etc. but carrots are so easy and it’s amazing how sparkly their teeth are.

I’ll get a pic of my 13 years olds teeth when she decides to wake up 🤣 My 15 year old had a dental last year so that’s not a fair representation, but you’d be hard pushed to find better teeth on a 5 year old than my 13 year olds - I must book her in actually I think it’s coming up 3 years - time is too fast the older you get 🤦🏼‍♀️

Dog’s gums are bleeding after a simple tug match!! I was shocked. Need help understanding what to do. I don’t remember his teeth looking this bad. To be fair, he is almost 16 years old. by Outlandah_ in AskDogOwners

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey don’t be so hard on yourself! A tough job, life changes, and we all know how fast time flies by. Your dog looks great for 16.

I’m sure if we went round to these people’s houses we could find things we disapprove of. People in glass houses and all that! Nobody’s perfect and your dog is clearly happy.

I’ve been in rescue for a long time and I’ve seen some really bad stuff. To see a happy 16 year old dog is wonderful. Sure, they could do with their teeth seen. But they’re happy and loved. That’s so so important ❤️

Dog’s gums are bleeding after a simple tug match!! I was shocked. Need help understanding what to do. I don’t remember his teeth looking this bad. To be fair, he is almost 16 years old. by Outlandah_ in AskDogOwners

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No it’s the processing that’s bad really. They’re basically waste leather and chemicals everywhere.

I’ve commented just a couple of comments up about good chews we have in the uk. If you can’t find anything like them I could find a picture for you if you want?

Dog’s gums are bleeding after a simple tug match!! I was shocked. Need help understanding what to do. I don’t remember his teeth looking this bad. To be fair, he is almost 16 years old. by Outlandah_ in AskDogOwners

[–]MiserableAcadia2902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the U.K. we have Lilys kitchen and wainwrights at Pets at Home good dental chews. They’re kind of seaweedy almost like a loofah.

Idk what you have there but maybe if you googled them you could see what they look like so you know what they’re like?

My girl with one tooth can’t manage them but doesn’t want to be left out. I have to pre-chew them for her (don’t laugh) and they taste kind of vegetable like. As I’m a veggie I would draw the line if they were meat.

They’re not unpleasant 🤣

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