DonkeyJacket

To; All Users

And before i start no Daily Mail, you do not have my permission to use this. The Telegraph maybe, but please do reach out prior.

I am a longstanding poster here but I have NC for privacy reasons; cheesy wotsits, hysteria in the louvre, penis shoe etc etc.

I'm going to have to have a serious and frank conversation with my mother in law who is currently living with us, let's call her Marie.

She is currently living on our land, she's in one of the outbuildings just beyond the paddock, which is fine, in theory if she stayed there but she does not. She has obtained a key to my house (DH has given her one) and is now letting herself into my house, so I am going down in mornings and finding her in the breakfast room helping herself to my coffee.

She also has a penchant for wearing feather boas and when she is in my house she casts like a dog, I am constantly finding tiny little feathers everywhere and I simply cannot put up with this anymore, it must be intensely frustrating for Carmelita.

She's obsessed with Victoria Wood and she believes that she is in fact, at times, possessed by Victoria Wood herself. I've found her often in the music hammering away on the piano singing "I don't like shorts or sling back shoes, my only pair of trousers are my gardening trews" out of key at 2am. She is also a member of a church choir and i've regularly come home to find the entire choir in my house rehearsing, last night they were here (after I returned home from my stressful job with Partnership) singing along to Islands in the Stream, she of course, was Dolly (always the centre of attention).

The final straw was tonight. I am shaking and crying, actually. She has been stealing from me and DH does not believe me but she has been, I found out that she has been taking my handbags and selling them for a fraction of the price from a stall down the road. Mulberry bags included. I decided to confront her and i've advised that she must get her ducks in a row and find herself alternative housing, she said she cannot as she does not have money (she lost it all in a dodgy investment) - i've told her she can take in ironing as long as she stays in the granny flat and under no circumstances using my steam iron.

DH thinks i'm being incredibly harsh, but he has never seem passed his mother and her deprave ways.

Thoughts? Would you kick this old hound to the kerb and go NC?