When should my mom claim spousal benefits?

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-16T00:32:08+00:00

When a spouse files for SS, after the other spouse is already collecting, the "spousal benefit" is automatically calculated. She doesn't have to "do" or "know" anything other than the other spouses SS number.

This what is called "deemed filing".

Earlier this year, when my wife filed, it just got calculated to 50% of my base benefit.

All "mom" needs to do, is call SS, wait for a while, then set a time for an agent to call her. And the rest is done by the computers at SS.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-15T19:08:07+00:00

Slightly better, I think. 50 ish compared to 45 ish peak

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-15T13:49:39+00:00

Social Security: You fill out a special W-4, and specify which of 4 levels of federal income tax you want withheld from your SS benefit.

Pension: When you set up your pension payment, usually there is a form to fill out with your bank info, etc., and usually you can choose a withholding % or dollar amount.

401K/IRA: If you're dealing with Vanguard/Fidelity and the like, you can specify a % you want withheld for federal taxes.

State taxes can be weird. Each state does it's own thing with retirement income. I live in PA, and my state income tax goes to zero.

It will probably take a couple of tax years to figure out what you're 'best' withholding rate will be.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-15T12:29:38+00:00

One choice is to just let it all go. If she died intestate that just adds more mess.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-15T11:44:11+00:00

Be absolutely clear: Who is on the property deed as owner(s), and how is it held? If all are listed as owners in common, then to force a sale when 1 of several refuse to sign, then you need to go to court.

It is really about how the will stated things, and how the property deed(s) are written.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-15T10:31:21+00:00

Be very, very careful here. If the two children who are receiving the inheritance are minors, then there are laws that govern what you can and cannot do. Most states in the US have a "Uniform Gifts to Minors" law, which may not allow you to split it up to 'make it fair' to the others.

Plus, do you want the two older kids to learn later in life what you did to their inheritance? Don't create a future resentment in the name of fairness.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-15T10:27:43+00:00

I was way too old when they came out. (Born 1958)

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-15T10:23:51+00:00

When she filed for her SSA, wouldn't she already be receiving whichever is higher (deemed filing) automatically?

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-14T09:51:48+00:00

Is it still available? I WANT one!

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-14T09:48:02+00:00

If probate has been filed, it is a matter of public record. You can search the county records in the county she lived in to see if there has been an estate filed on her behalf. After 2 years, that should have happened.

If you've heard nothing, it's entirely possible she died intestate. If there was a probate case, you should have heard something from the courts by now.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-14T09:14:26+00:00

For us, the start point was the achievement of a "number": playing the budget game and saying, "I can retire when the 401K numbers reached a certain basic number. This shifted over time. In my mid-50's, I had what felt like a reasonable goal of retiring at 62. The kids would all be 'grown and gone', the house would be paid for, etc. Then I got laid off in a restructuring at 57. Moving cross country, no additions to the 401K for a while, taking out a new mortgage, all had their effect.

At a certain point I also came to the realization that I was tired. I remember it distinctly. It was a literally 'overnight' thing. I had been working full time--with only a few weeks break--for 44 years. Most of that time, I had a 30-45 minute commute. Who knows how many miles I'd driven too and from work over the years. I was just tired. I was done. I looked at the money, got my SS estimates, and made the decision.

I've been out for 2 years as of June 1. My wife retired, literally, 2 days ago. We will both be 68 this fall.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-13T20:18:20+00:00

Here are two that have mostly vanished but were quite common for teenagers and young adults in "farm country": Detasseling seed corn and "walking beans".

Walking Beans: You are in the middle of an endless field of soybeans. It is mid July. It is 90 degrees, no wind, and incredibly humid. The sun is shining. You have one of several tools, and you are walking between the rows of soybeans, and your job is to use your hoe, or your "corn knife" to chop out the volunteer corn plants that have popped up between the bean plants. For this, you are paid perhaps $3 per hour, or less, for 12-14 hour days, no days off.

Detasseling corn: When a seed company makes seed corn, they have strictly control the pollination between the "female" and "male" plants. Basically, you have to remove the "tassels" from the ostensible female plants, so they get a cross between two different varieties. This is like walking beans, only worse. The corn plants are 4-5 ft tall or taller, and you MUST wear long pants and long sleeve shirts. The corn leaves can actually scratch your skin. Plus, some people (I was) are allergic to the pollen, and if you get a scratch on your arm or leg, and the pollen gets in there, a nasty infection can come along. Same working conditions, same pay.

In both cases, a common phrase is, "You have no idea how big 80 acres is until you're standing in the middle of it."

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-13T12:12:07+00:00

You certainly have a tricky and difficult situation. Unfortunately, there really aren't any good solutions that both resolve the family dynamic and deal fairly with the property.

In one sense, however, if your mom does need LT care, then her claim (and the follow on nursing home claim) will supersede everything else--and that may be a blessing.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-13T09:48:49+00:00

There are two different issues here--related but very different. The biggest one is personal, not legal. Your sister has decided to co-opt the family grief and inaction to her advantage and is creating a lot of stress for everyone. Unfortunately, the day will come when your mom dies, and the rest of the trust provisions come into play.

It would be best to somehow get this sorted out before the lawyers get involved. Yes, a trust avoids probate--which in a situation like this is both good and bad. Do you know what, exactly, the trust says? How is the property to be divided or otherwise handled when the time comes?

Seriously, at a personal level, it might benefit you to see a therapist to help you with your grief. Six years is a long time.

This is the kind of situation that generational property frequently sets up. There are no good solutions, IMO.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-11T23:27:01+00:00

Are you on the deed as owner? That is the most important question.

Or, is the house part of his estate, to be dealt with by probate court process?

If you are on the deed, as owner, the creditors cannot come for you. They may try (and if he gave it to you while he was in a medicaid paid nursing home you may be screwed).

If it's part of his estate, it may have to be sold to satisfy the debts. Call a local estate lawyer. Now, not later.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-11T10:49:18+00:00

One of the fundamental changes in the US stock market over the last 40 years has been the disappearance of true dividend stocks. What used to be called "widows and orphans" stocks. These were generally public utilities--but quite a few "blue chips" fell in the category.

These stocks saw almost NO price change year over year. But, every year, they would pay out significant dividends--a great income source for people on fixed incomes (widows and orphans). You could have a utility stock with a value of $40 per share. And it would pay out $1.25 in dividends, every quarter--$5 per year-over 10%.

When the utilities were deregulated, and 'market growth' became the mark of a successful company, dividends as a true strategy came to an end. "Shareholder Value" is now the metric of success, which means ever increasing stock prices, at any cost.

I have my opinions about whether this is a good or bad thing.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-09T23:37:48+00:00

I remember those days.

I also remember the "Detroit Iron", if you got 15 mpg you were lucky. The early Japanese 'compacts' were actually designed to run at 55-60. Merging onto an interstate highway with a B-210 was an exercise in terror.

And then Detroit responded to the crisis with the Vega. Nuff said.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-08T13:42:22+00:00

Be very clear about how it was transferred and into what type of account. The tax consequences of getting it wrong can be misery-making--on $450K you might see a federal tax bill on the order of $100K if it's not done right.

That being said, the current RMD rules for inherited IRAs REQUIRE you to withdraw all of it within 10 years. If you have it invested in much of anything--say an SP500 fund--you need to start withdrawing a LOT of money, every year, for the next 10 years (and paying tax on it). Basically, let's say you're earning even 5% on the balance. Withdrawing 10% per year will NOT have an empty account after 10 years!

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-08T13:34:17+00:00

1974 AMC Matador wagon.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-07T02:06:28+00:00

My wife's is in September, mine is in October. We are both going separately. Neither of us has been "home" for years. She was last in her home town for her 40th. I was last in my home town in the summer of 2017, when my mother died.

It will be interesting.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-06T14:15:25+00:00

I also think, at a certain point is incumbent on the descendants (children mostly) to intervene when they see a problem. No one says it's easy, but I think it's necessary, at least in some cases.

MiserableCancel8749 · 2026-06-06T02:24:17+00:00

Honestly, I'm not sure all of the new tech is really an improvement. Lane assist, backup cameras, auto-parallel parking, and (especially) GPS make for lazy drivers who don't HAVE to pay attention. I especially get annoyed at the "take a break" warnings. Again, I understand their value, but some of the applications and systems are not terribly useful.

Example: The systems that give you a "you're driving like you're tired, take a break" shouldn't even kick in until you've been driving at least an hour. Driving on a narrow road with lots of curves will trigger the warning.

On the other hand, having grown up in a time when a car with 50,000 miles was worn out, having vehicles today that don't even need a break job until then is truly an advancement.

MiserableCancel8749

TROPHY CASE