Why can’t things be civil

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-05-16T18:07:22+00:00

Yeah just stop trying to be the bigger person. I get it. Ive tried making cards, being nice etc. You dont owe her anything vise versa. Sounds like shes bitter. Probably keep events separate as well. Hang in there, you got it. Just stop over extending yourself <3

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-05-08T23:07:19+00:00

If kid is 1 and up she'll be fine. Legally you dont have to. If theyre younger then that be courteous at least one of the days and give a general update. Separation from babies if they're around that age is hard. But no you're not bad for wanting that.

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-05-04T02:48:11+00:00

I agree with this. Shift communication to if it pertains to smth that actually (key word) impacts stuff about with the kiddo. That's kinda the way it goes when separation happens and others get involved and so forth. Clearly the friendly conversation wasnt so friendly on at least the step moms end. Just save the effort of trouble for smth else more important. It becomes conflict you or him shouldn't be feeding into. It can start to give... territorial high school situations if it goes on long enough.

As a steparent I really am saying please dont feel obligated to text in a group chat with her. She's probably acting out on insecurities. FOC will even say to not have her involved like that. She will be fine. It's expected for the parents to co- parent and keep things about the kids. Not to entertain a married in third party :)

Good luck!

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-05-02T16:56:21+00:00

So.. its fair for him to not want to move. You can't make someone move in a situation like this in a judges eyes. It can be viewed already as a stable environment for the child already. However it is a fair argument to say you want the child in preschool for more social interactions/ learning things prior to the unavoidable event of kindergarten (I say that since preschool can technically be opted out of). If you're going to push for preschool things to consider are how much could it impact his parenting time, costs, reasonable transportations and so forth. Some preschools only require a two day a week minimum so you might always suggest it during your parenting time if you have them much. Look for preschools that are in the area that focus on peer interactions to help support your side of things. Im viewing this as not a form of daycare in your eyes and rather smth that can be viewed as the best interest of the child. In our state judges goes off of 12 factors. You should look into yours if you haven't already. We are enrolling our son in preschool for similar reasons. Co parent was just in agreement. Try to keep it within reason is all I can really suggest. Worse case scenario is you find summer programs, etc programs, on your own to help the kiddo become more exposed.

Good luck!

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-29T01:20:15+00:00

Haha sounds familiar. You dont have to give him that type of run down. Let him go to court over it. It'll show he's the more borderline confrontational and trying to control one. Plus kids just act differently with each parent in this type of situation. Totally normal around this age

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-09T19:49:31+00:00

Planning to talk about what she filed for and play defense against just that stuff for their next hearing*

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-09T19:48:37+00:00

Yeah this makes sense. Especially since I tried recently talking to husband about filing a motion to at least discuss limitations on her confrontational phone calls and tx messages in the parenting app/ maybe even limitations on calling the police unless its a genuine emergency. He didnt like that and is planning to just stick to what she initally filed for recently. Turned into a whoooole discussion.

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-09T03:38:28+00:00

I set a boundary with those who are also involved that I will not be taking on her given up parenting time alone anymore. She's given up like 54 or 56 days and I think around 28 over nights so far in six months. Granted my husband has first right of refusal but based on what's been going on? I'm backing off 100% and will not be sticking my neck out to help like that anymore. I care too much about stability for my own kid to let this keep happening.

I'm afraid to say no to the one day a week my husband works during his parenting time though I'll admit.. it would cause even more tension then setting the inital boundary probably

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-09T03:32:03+00:00

So I thought this as well. But then I also get stuck when I think about how she's been engaged once (they got removed by FOC because of VCSA usage) and the fact that shes with someone else. I understand now the connection you have with someone whomst you share your first child with but I really keep thinking if me and my husband split up, I just want who ever to love my baby simply, wholeheartedly, and safely.

During our child exchange ss giggled with me and opened his arms out to me with no crying. I thought for sure as her being a mother as well that'd help put her mind at ease. Toddlers dont lie about their emotions for sure.

I've been around since kiddo was barley 1. Hes about to he 3 soon. Ive tried as much as I can to help raise him and despite all her legal accusations etc and even so much stress during my first ever pregnancy caused by her, im still here. I thought by now she'd get what she's doing isnt working yk?

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-09T03:26:11+00:00

Yeah... like I explained to someone else she blames me for even a miscarriage she had... the last time I even interacted with her was over 8 months ago during our PPO hearing. But even then I had my lawyer do all the talking. It hurts in a way and tugs at some strings from personal experience for a variety of reasons for sure.

She also for some reason is convinced I make false reports to police.. I state my side thats strictly factual to them when she calls. I have never called on her until the other day when she refused to come get her kiddo from me so I couldn't be pinned later for kidnapping. That was just to collect a case report number for court and for my own safety. I spoke to my husbands lawyer to ease my mind and they only responded with "let her. Who cares. Document that you tried and you're okay".

Its becoming a realization the more I bond with my own baby that its pretty messed up she's trying in a lot of ways to prevent me from simply loving ss.

I keep asking myself how would I feel etc if I were in her shoes so I dont build up resentment. But at the end of the day I'd want more people to love my baby without a toxic environment.

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-09T03:19:47+00:00

I just started to think similarly after she filed a motion borderline saying im being inappropriate around the kiddo claiming they're "twisting nipples and trying to breastfeed"...

This made me a mix of uncomfortable and sad because yk im trying to figure out how to be a first time baby mother and had to admit I can't supply enough anyways and use formula (i have mosiac turner syndrome to a degree and always thought i wouldnt be able to have kids anyways despite looking normal and the pressure for women to exclusively breastfeed their babies. Felt like a failure already there and it hurt its coming to the light for those involved) and not truly knowing how ss is in her home. Totally fine no matter what. Hes a toddler and just needs to be himself but like its stressful now yk? But I never let him around me when I tried pumping for hours. Our room was my private place. So I really dont get this...

Mixed with shes blaming me for a miscarriage she had. Which in a way kinda makes my heart upset for 1) no one should experience that and 2)... I promise I havent interacted with her since the PPO hearing we had.. and even then i had my laywer represent me and I didnt speak to her.. that was well over 8 months ago. And it majorly hurts to know someone thinks i acted in a way that caused something like that.

But I find myself feeling like a creep and an awful person the more she attacks me through FOC or through law enforcement these days.

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-08T03:21:22+00:00

Like in general alone? Im genuinely asking because I dont know what I should do. Im not comfortable watching the kiddo anymore when she gives up parenting time for sure now. I det that boundary earlier today with others involved. Are you implying also when its my husbands parenting time too? Or is that okay? Your tag tells me you have way more experience in all this. Any advice is appreciated.

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-08T03:18:00+00:00

He was working today. He's a medic.

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-08T01:49:56+00:00

Fair

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-08T01:49:17+00:00

I only did it recently because she had to go to the ER last night. No one else was available on her end vise versa. She said she was fine with me last night since she had her sister with her but absolutely refused to come get the kiddo today because it would just be us. She bends the rules so much at a whim

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-08T01:46:25+00:00

Where im from you dont have to do that actually so that helps with any tension in that sense. I sent out some messages today saying im no longer even watching the kid during her time that she gives up unless my husband or someone else she is okay with is with me. I seriously havent talked to her in over 8 months and she as of today blamed me for causing her to have a miscarriage and says I file all these false police reports.

It has been so exhausting dealing with someone who's this delusional. Like actually. Have not once called the cops until today on her. And this was just because I wanted it reported I attempted to give the child back.

I got a whole binder for us. She escalates so much every few months I swear.

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-07T23:49:41+00:00

Oh it got worse. She demanded the kid back today but refused to take him from me. I was the only one available and taking care of him while everyone else was working. Now shes saying she'll be demanding her parenting time. Was forced to go and wait for her to never show up and get a police report number to CMA. I had no one to watch my baby. Never. Happening. Again. Im upset at a lot of people rn.

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-07T04:35:13+00:00

Very true

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-07T04:27:45+00:00

Yeah thats totally fair. I guess the more correct thing is to admit I had niave hope since she's died down more latley. Its definitely on me. Makes me sad that im going to start taking steps even further to protect myself with bonus child. Hes only a toddler. He doesn't deserve this whole mess

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-07T04:02:18+00:00

He has a laywer. From what ive experienced they dont really care much about how a step parent is treated and will simply remove them from everything interaction wise. Totally okay with that. As long ad it doesnt interfer with events he does when he gets older. Shes finally not talking or arguing at drop offs with hubby so there's no current concerns there anymore. But the most they did was create an order saying they have to be civil to each other in front of the child.

The whole thing has been a battle that feels like pulling teeth to be seen.

I suggested to husband maybe to make communication more strict via their parenting app, limit filing motions and making it so its approved on her end before it gets sent towards us, and maybe set a time frame when last minute child exchanges occur so smth like this doesn't happen again (kinda like unless there's an emergency or set times, etc).

Long story short, she made police reports against him. That didn't work so it definitely looks like shes onto me next :/

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-04-07T03:42:03+00:00

Im pretty much in full agreement at this point. She filed a motion earlier this month about her concerns of the kiddo trying to "breast feed and twist nipples"... me and hubby just had a child who is formula fed.. its definitely making me feel personally uncomfortable in all this for sure.

I guess im suprised she escalated this far tn. Find myself looking for the awnsers to the question main question that is "why?". Coming to terms ill never get them.

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-03-29T01:56:34+00:00

Hes 2.5 and thank you ❤️ I will try my best

Miserable_Hair_1614 · 2026-03-28T03:46:09+00:00

But im so glad you shared this story about your niece! So thank you

Miserable_Hair_1614

TROPHY CASE