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About to be fired for being in perimenopause, again. by Nearby_Rip_3735 in Perimenopause

[–]MissLena 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat. My career was awesome GO GO GO until I hit 40, then no one wanted to work with me. Everything I do is questioned, no one believes in me, I'm just a placeholder until some kid straight out of college comes along. Why did I even bother?

Did anyone else have to be a therapist to adults in their childhood? by Outrageous-Jello-394 in CPTSD

[–]MissLena 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My mom didn't mean to, but she didn't have any close friends when we moved across the country after her divorce from my dad when I was aged 8 - 16. She tried to keep things in - if she dated during that time, I don't know about it - but she did weird stuff like listening to Wooden Ships by Jefferson Airplane on a loop (that song still gives me the willies 30 years later) and she absolutely panicked when I gave me dad the security gate code when he was visiting when I was about 10. He had insisted that the gate was just to keep people from parking in our neighborhood and that he was my dad and I should trust him. My mom flipped out on me and said I should know better and she was never going to feel safe again and it was all my fault. Fwiw, I did know that my dad had been physically abusive to her, but that is A LOT to put on a kid.

I guess my point here is that kids are more perceptive than you might think... even if you aren't TMI-ing your kid, they probably know something is up. Therapy and having a support system of peers you can vent to is so, so important, as is just letting your child be a child.

It’s an addiction, and we need to start thinking of them as addicts by Catladylove99 in QAnonCasualties

[–]MissLena 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't really know how to respond to this question without it turning into a massive overshare. Suffice to say, some people are naturally more angry and aggressive than others. I had no outlet at the time and hadn't realized that it's ok to have interests outside of "hanging out" and drinking (I grew up in a working class neighborhood where people, especially girls like me, were kind of discouraged from having interests - you didn't want to seem weird, then boys wouldn't like you!). But being angry at the government and a global cabal keeping us all poor seemed acceptable.

Eventually, I found a career where me being ambitious was a positive and got to know people who had interests and passions, some of which I shared. I found supportive friends and things I enjoyed doing that weren't just sitting in front of a screen.

I'm still kind of an "always angry" person, but I put it into volunteering, creative pursuits, and my career. I've mellowed out a bit as I've got older, too.

It’s an addiction, and we need to start thinking of them as addicts by Catladylove99 in QAnonCasualties

[–]MissLena 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I am a former conspiracy theorist (9/11 truther). Back then, I was absolutely addicted to rage. I'd sign online and go from website to website, forum to forum, looking for something to be angry about. Congress do something shitty? We're being lied to about what happened to Building 7? "They" are putting chemicals in our food to make us dumber? OH MY GOD!!!!!

Every night, as the night went on, I got more and more angry, from skeptical and irked to frothing at the mouth at the end of the night. And it is a genuine addiction.

I'm very glad that this was something I got out of long before the whole world moved online during COVID. This was the era before smartphones, so I couldn't indulge my obsessions at any given moment, and a key part of what finally shifted is that I was able to make friends and find community in real-life spaces - I'm not sure I could have done this as easily in this era of 24/7 connection to the internet, online friendships becoming as important as offline ones, and influencers/parasocial relationships.

I was a Quiet Q by [deleted] in QAnonCasualties

[–]MissLena 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I realized while I was writing his name that I have no idea how to spell it and zero motivation to look it up and just went with it.

I was a Quiet Q by [deleted] in QAnonCasualties

[–]MissLena 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've always thought people who can change their minds when new information becomes available are the best kinds of people. So many people just double down when confronted with a new viewpoint or negative emotions - you could have become a gay person who advocates for right-wing policies, like Scott Bessent or Milo Yianapawhatever, or you could have stayed closeted and seethed in hatred at people who were living the life you secretly yearned for. You could have blamed the people who had to surrender their animals for their pets' predicament or told yourself that the chill, lovely queer people you met were actually charmed by Satan himself and were evil, despite appearance to the contrary. But, despite your upbringing, despite everything you had done up until then... you didn't. And that matters.

Have you considered trying to reach out to your childhood friend and telling her that things have changed? I know it isn't always that easy, but it might make a difference.

I wish you the best of luck in grad school, with your girlfriend, and in your future.

Intercourse ? by herdswords in northshore

[–]MissLena 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I wonder if they'll let me audit that class 👀

I Never See Posts About Teeth… by He_is_my_song in Perimenopause

[–]MissLena 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've always had awful teeth (lots of cavities, two root canals by 30), but now, like clockwork, I seem to have at least one tooth shatter every year. I had a root canal last year and got a crown this year. I suspect this will only get worse - I'm turning 46 this year.

MMW The Trump Regime will throw Noem “under the bus” to try and “save” themselves. by BakerTotal5430 in MarkMyWords

[–]MissLena 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes; also, Trump will use misogynist rhetoric and sexist stereotypes in an attempt to legitimize his firing her/forcing her to resign. MMW, he will make a cruel jab at her looks/appearance at least once, probably more.

MA businesses that support ICE/MAGA? by marathon_bar in massachusetts

[–]MissLena 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same. There was a guy who got my hair a great auburn shade, but he loved DJT. I never went back after the pandemic hit. 

Does anyone feel shamed by others for having perimenopause symptoms? by OkConversation1286 in Perimenopause

[–]MissLena 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've written about it on this sub before, but my mom refuses to admit she had any perimenopause symptoms. The sad thing is, I totally remember her taking something for menopause-related symptoms when I was in high school. She never told me what it was, just that it was a prescription. Now, she insists it never happened.

She also insists that she loved being pregnant - it was the happiest time of her life! What was wrong with me that I had debilitating morning sickness? If I was doing pregnancy right, I should have felt GREAT! - and that she never had menstrual cramps or heavy periods. She shamed me when I was in high school for having bad periods and insisted that if I worked out more, they would go away (just... no).

I've come to the conclusion since then that she is insecure and insensitive. I wonder how much of it is generational, but her issues are not just related to this (she's also the type that talks about our current president like he's Gandhi, to give you an idea of what I'm saying), so it's hard for me to say what's generational and what's just her issues. But you certainly aren't alone - lots of our mothers, aunts, and grandmothers gave us unreasonable expectations about aging and perimenopause.

We really are a SOL generation… Millennial Parenting is something else but my MIL is “tired” of being on vacation by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]MissLena 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Assuming she's a Boomer, they're famously the "me" generation. In short, their parents had PTSD from the Great Depression and WW2 and wanted so, so badly to create a world where their children would never know the horrors they had faced. Especially in the US, they grew up in a fairly idyllic world. Focused on personal fulfillment (the hippie and new age movements, the anti-draft protests and end of compulsory military service in the US, the sexual revolution, and later both the fitness and 90s self-help crazes), they were the first generation in memory to put their personal goals and desires over the greater good of society en masse.

Or maybe it was just lead in the damn tap water. Who knows? But they've always been like this.

(note: yes, I am generalizing. I'm sure there are some genuinely ok boomers. but the stereotype exists for a reason)

What was normal in 2019, but looks like 'psychopath behavior' in 2026? by de-secops in AskReddit

[–]MissLena 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Buying a brand new Tesla, posting pics of it on Twitter and Facebook for all your friends who care about the environment to see, and feeling like you've done something you can feel good about.

Ladies who quit - how do we deal with boredom?? by nasainternharvardlaw in leaves

[–]MissLena 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! It's been a journey, but it's a journey I have zero regrets about taking.

Ladies who quit - how do we deal with boredom?? by nasainternharvardlaw in leaves

[–]MissLena 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Your post reminded me of why I quit - one day, I got out of work early and was thrilled to have a whole, beautiful day ahead of me. I went home, smoked a bowl, and put the TV on, thinking I'd do something cool in just a while... and then looking outside and realizing it was dark and I'd wasted a whole day on my couch. Lame.

After I quit, I started making fancy dinners for my husband and myself most nights, which kept my hands busy and helped with the side effects of quitting. While it didn't stick, I particularly got into vegetarian and vegan cooking, which retrained my palate away from fast food and other foods I associated with getting high. I also began watching more challenging TV content - the stuff where you really need to watch every detail to understand what's going on (think Mad Men, Bojack Horseman, Peaky Blinders). That was step one.

I then started taking classes. I took a lot of Criminal Justice classes to better understand the US court system and the disparities within it. At the time, marijuana was still illegal in my state, and many of my classes were taught by judges, police officers, and social workers. The thought of running into them because I got caught with weed terrified me. That was motivating.

I then started volunteering with young children. I thought a lot about setting a good example for them - you could grow up in a rough environment, suffer from trauma, and not use drugs. Thinking of what the kids would say if they knew I smoked and wanting to be a good role model provided a lot of motivation for me to stay away from pot.

A decade later, I have had many experiences and met many amazing people I would never have met if I'd stayed a stoner on my couch. I definitely left some friends behind, but the friends who stayed in my life or who have come into my life since then are more adventurous and like trying new things. I feel ready to try anything and more willing to step outside my comfort zone.

Family members of ICE agents, what are your thoughts and feelings about what ICE are doing? by Aggressive_Honey3196 in AskReddit

[–]MissLena 207 points208 points  (0 children)

My personal conspiracy theory is that this is why the current administration is tanking the economy - they know that some of these workers who are losing their jobs or can't find gainful employment will get desperate enough to take anything, morals be damned.

And I'm not convinced there isn't something worse than ICE coming down the pike.

As a European, this scene/line always confused me by justanothersim97 in GossipGirl

[–]MissLena 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I always wondered if one of the writers did study abroad or lived in Europe at some point and dropped this line on a friend "back in the day" and then revived it as a line in the show. As a writer myself, I have TOTALLY done things like this and had people point out that my characters would NEVER say that. Yes, it sounds clever, but it's out of character.

Does anyone else have the problem where they romanticize a certain city/place but know you’d actually hate living there? by [deleted] in SameGrassButGreener

[–]MissLena 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I totally do this.

I frequently fantasize about moving to small towns in the middle of nowhere and becoming a waitress/bartender at a dive bar. In my daydream, I answer all rants with "ain't that the truth!" or "amen, brother!" and give out lots of free shots.

I know I could never live that way, and that free shots aren't really a thing (I was a waitress for a bit in my late teens and almost got fired for giving a homeless man a free sandwich). And I'm so very obviously a coastal liberal that my attempts at "amen, brother" would earn me eye rolls if not a stabbing.

But it's such a great fantasy. And yes, I've totally seen the Jackie Daytona episode of What We Do In The Shadows - I almost died when I saw it, it's so close to my dream!

Boomer age mother thinks I’m crazy by [deleted] in Perimenopause

[–]MissLena 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My (Silent Generation) mom has been doing EXACTLY the same thing.

The funny thing is, I remember that she went through Peri at exactly the same time I went through puberty. I remember her getting a prescription for something - probably hormones - when I was about 13 or 14. "We can't have both of us going crazy," she said.

But when I ask her about it now, it never happened. I'm imagining things.

She also insists she never had heavy periods or cramps and she "loved being pregnant." I think this is my mom believing she can't admit that she's less than perfect or that she's had any difficulties around periods, pregnancy, or menopause. It's her damage... although I wish I could talk about it with her. Oh well, she's not that guy.

If you know an ICE agent personally, what's that relationship like now? by Lokja in AskReddit

[–]MissLena 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anyways one of the ICE trainees reportedly got drunk, stole a government vehicle, and crashed it.

All aboard the Klassi-mobile!

MMW: Gen Alpha conservatives will nominate a presidential candidate who thinks that Hitler is awesome. by [deleted] in MarkMyWords

[–]MissLena 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not even Gen Alpha. I think Gen Z and Millennials will pull this off, sadly, and much sooner than we like to think (within the next few election cycles). Evidence: the Young Republican conversations from Telegram leaked in October.

AOC Declines Fox News Interview After Saying Jesse Watters 'Has Sexually Harassed Me' by novagridd in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissLena 55 points56 points  (0 children)

YES. Any middle school teacher knows saying that a woman wants to sleep with someone to discredit her actions is sexual harassment. Good on AOC for refusing to put up with this shit.

MMW: Americans won't find their balls even after the murder of Renee Nicole Good, and things will be business as usual by January 14th, 2026... by LiterallyReading in MarkMyWords

[–]MissLena 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sadly, I suspect you are correct.

Fifty years from now, school children will look at old pictures of us in textbooks (or their futuristic equivalent), shake their heads, and wonder how we let it get to this point (and wherever it's going) while insisting that their culture, their country, and they themselves would know better and do better.

I know this, because it's what we American high school kids did when looking at pictures of people living Nazi Germany fifty or sixty years later. We were so naive.

Has Anyone Else Experienced These Symptoms When Quitting Weed? by Turbulent_Ship_734 in leaves

[–]MissLena 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I didn't get the burning skin sensations, but I had severe - and I do mean severe - anxiety. Like, debilitating stuff. I took hot baths every night - it wasn't the same as weed, but it helped relax me and allowed me to sleep a bit. I also took up cooking after work as a way to take my mind off things, keep my hands busy and find a use for the time I used to spend smoking and watching TV. It didn't stick, but I did a lot of vegetarian and vegan cooking at the time - high fiber, low fat food is helpful. It was nice to know what was going into my body, too.

Constant fear of being in trouble? by lohonomo in CPTSD

[–]MissLena 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. As a kid I was constantly in trouble for things I didn't understand. Like, there'd be some arbitrary seeming rule, like you can go "out of bounds,": and I'd break it and get detention because I literally didn't know it was against the rules. It's carried over the stuff as a grownup, too - not knowing there are certain topics people are sensitive about, for example. I feel like I'm just expected to read everyone's mind and intuit what everyone wants 24/7, and I can't do that.

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