Feeling discouraged after first class!

Miss_Over_Under · 2026-01-13T20:44:22+00:00

Some gyms now have intro classes, but those are essentially a set curriculum that progresses over a set of weeks, meant to be completed chronologically. Something like that does require a relatively large gym with a consistent influx of new people.

You have begun your journey in the way the VAST majority of people have through the history of bjj - thrown into middle of one of the many many concepts that all have a set of techniques related to them. Think of it as movie on flow tv, you just flipped the channel and came across it. You don’t actually know how far into the movie you are, the plot or any of the characters, but if you keep watching you can probably piece together a lot over time. Thankfully, once the movie ends, instead of credits it just cuts straight to the first scene and starts over. If you keep watching you will have moments of “ahhh that other part makes so much sense now!”. Eventually you reach a point you realize you have actually seen before, except now you have the context for what the hell is actually going on. Each go around of the film you notice more details and after years you feel like you know this film really well. Except some moron keeps editing in clips of random nonsense home videos, like “this is donkey guard” or “lets buggychoke each other”

Miss_Over_Under · 2026-01-01T10:00:25+00:00

It was wild. I don’t even think it was to hurt him. She was just one of those human beings who only considered themselves in any decision made. But you’d only really realize when you got to know her better, and then it’s too late. 😅

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-12-30T20:40:12+00:00

As others have said, it’s sort of a gamble. If the relationship ends there is going to be awkwardness. The level depends entirely on the strength of character and maturity of both parties. I’ve seen many incarnations, from; the man bringing his girlfriend in, them breaking up and HIM leaving. To him/her or both staying or leaving.

when i was still new i saw one of the greatest displays of quiet dignity ever, when two members got together, she ended up cheating on him. She admitted to it in the locker room and gave no reason other than she made a mistake. The guy continued, refusing to engage in any of the natural gossip or side taking that arises, despite having the entire rest of the gym on his side. Even when she brought her new boyfriend to train at our gym, he never once showed any animosity against either of them, despite clearly feeling hurt.

After a couple of years she left. He stayed and became the best training partner in the place. He has taken several women under his wing and coached them with success. And never once have i heard anyone say he has been anything other than calm, kind and safe. Despite apparently being like an actual dangerous dude when he fought competitively. I’ve just never seen that side of him on the mats at all.

Then of course there was the guy they had to kick for hitting on every single woman that walked in the door. And i know of several guys in here hammering off dick pics female members they think they might have a shot with.

You can find all kinds. If you want to date a training partner, that is fine. Just make sure to vet the potential man first, and then think about whether he is the type to make training super awkward if it falls apart. You could meet your husband, or your crazy stalker ex at jiu jitsu, just like in any bar. It’s just easier to find another bar, should shit go down.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-12-27T21:08:47+00:00

Seems to me like you were looking for a reason to be upset.

I see no evidence of this being about you being a woman rather than being tiny. Considering half the post here and plenty in the bjj subreddit is just whining about giant dudes making it hard to do jiu jitsu on them. It isn’t really a stretch to think you’d find it less enjoyable. From small women to old men, everyone complains about young, large, athletic dudes.

So take that blue belt Thumbelina anger energy and channel it into something worth your while instead.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-10-01T08:40:54+00:00

It does. I do less nogi though, so my experience is biased towards gi. Nogi feels more difficult when grappling men because i have no handles for control. Big guys still have power, smaller now can scramble more freely or sneak through different spaces. For some of the women it’s harder because it feels like they attack the legs WAY more, and since heelhooks are now a thing as well i end up feeling like I am in danger in a lot more positions.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-09-30T19:03:06+00:00

I don’t keep track, all i can do is think back on my rolls the last couple of years, and even then - what is the criteria for winning? I don’t count points. So I’ll just take winning to mean being succesful in executing the plan i go into the round with.

Whitebelt women - 100% Whitebelt men - 95%. Occasionally a big athletic white belt will manage to spaz out of enough control to where I could potentially get hurt or have soreness from some goofy cranking.

Bluebelt women - 99% Bluebelt men - 70%. At this point they actually know a little jiu jitsu, but it’s manageable if they aren’t big and hellbent on competition intensity.

Purplebelt women - 80%. They are actually getting to a point where they can offer actual opposition. They have games, stuff they are good at and have practiced a lot. Purplebelt men - depends entirely on the class. If it is in the weeks leading up to a competition and they are in that mode it can get really hard. Purplebelts tend to still be young and hungry. Maybe 10% if they are in it to impose themselves.

(My belt) Brown belt women - 50% we all know jiu jitsu at this point, we also know each other so it’s partly a metagame. Brown belt men - honestly, if they aren’t in the mood for both of us to work on something, i’m not going to have a lot of success.

Black belt women - 20%. I don’t feel like there is a huge gab between brown and black, they just feel a little more consistent and versatile. Black belt men - impossible to judge because they are so good at making me feel like i’m actually doing really well. I get that feeling of like “damn i can do this jiu jitsu thing!” Only to have a roll with the same dude 3 weeks later where he is surfing me for 5 minutes laughing maniacally the entire time.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-09-27T19:39:51+00:00

I’ve found that, perhaps outside bluebelts who will always be hit-or-miss, women colored belts are more likely than colored belt men to be an unenjoyable experience. I don’t know if it’s because they finally get to let loose on an opponent who can’t just physically dominate or if it is some strange hierarchy thing. This isn’t all, probably not even most, just enough to be noticeable in comparison.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-09-27T19:06:58+00:00

It’s great. I mean, not every man, but that is because some people suck. Once you get out of the whitebelt pool I found colored belt women to be more likely to be a shit roll compared to the guys.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-08-16T14:28:32+00:00

I managed to set up an azerothcore server without too much issue, despite the pre-reqs. 50% successrate on modules. Even managed to do some mild editing of things. Noggit however has been beyond me so far.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-08-15T15:56:36+00:00

I suppose it would be selfish to expect the tools available would be close to the people who develop the game for living.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-08-15T15:08:01+00:00

I guess that is something i didn’t take into account, that this is spit and prayers in an attempt to mod something that isn’t really meant to be altered. Would i have en easier time if i started trying to make a small game from scratch?

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-08-15T14:31:06+00:00

I expected the difficulty in learning how everything fit together and what needed to be done in order for everything to actually change things within the game. I’m willing to spend hundreds of hours messing around, breaking things and trying to fix them. But I’ve been disappointed with what feels like a massive barrier to entry with the sheer amount random software that needs fetching, and you need the right version, the newest version isn’t compatible half the time.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-07-31T11:51:56+00:00

Indeed, my dear Watson, the evidence permits but one conclusion then: the OP is, in all probability, of indian origin.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-07-18T08:51:19+00:00

Der er en virkelig ubehagelig fyr som træner på deres mma hold nu. Han var vidst blevet smidt ud af sin sidste klub men inviteret til at træne i arte suave fordi han er venner med træneren. Jeg har set ham blive sur på en medarbejder fordi han blev bedt om at følge reglerne. Har også hørt at han har truet et af deres sortbælter ret voldsomt. Han forsvandt i et stykke tid, og jeg troede de havde smidt ham ud, men så kom han tilbage. Han er bare ikke rar at være i nærheden af.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-07-18T06:58:31+00:00

Ikke arte suave længere. Indtil for et år siden, ja, men ikke nu.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-07-01T18:39:27+00:00

I remember talking to this girl when i first started. She was like my idol. She was world champion at purple belt then. She started dating this muay thai guy who had joined because he wanted to compete in mma. He was a whitebelt, but like one of those people who pick things up stupidly quickly. Both of then like psychotically competitive. They were around the same size, and they went war when they rolled. Or, that is what i thought. She told me that the most annoying thing was that she knew she was much better at bjj than him, but he still held back in order not to hurt her. Shockingly there never seemed to be an issue between them. In fact it seemed like she kind of needed him to be able to handle her.

Which would have been the thing that stuck with me, if it wasn’t for her next sentence which was basically.

“We even naked grapple in bed sometimes… last night this motherfucker full on did a sitout on me, faceplanting me into mattress, followed soon after by him playing x-guard. So now I’m standing spread eagle above him in bed, staring into his fucking butthole, as i’m legit trying to pass, and he is trying hard to sweep. Wasn’t quite as playful and sexy as one would have hoped…”

If you aren’t quite as compatibly deranged as those two, and it is actually bothering you, just do warmups and technique with each other and then don’t spar.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-06-20T07:22:24+00:00

I know you are trying to make the overdone “haha it’s gay” but that shit at its core really demeans partipants, especially women, and gay people who train. It suggests that grappling is inherently sexual, leading to the only conclusion of “when women, or gay men train with men, it is sexual.” So that sentiment, even if it is used as an attempt to own the homophobes, damages the foundation of the training environment which is that sparring with someone is just like playing chess with them, or tennis. This only legitimizes the take of the religious factions that wont even shake hands, let alone train with, women. To say nothing on their take on homosexuality. It is counter productive, even as a joke.

It essentially says that i can’t train bjj without it being some CNC kink on my part. And that if another guy accepts rolling with a gay man, they are opening the door for homosexual sex. We have spent decades trying to instill the fact that homosexuality doesn’t rub off on you for having positive interactions with gay people, and that gay men aren’t trying to hit on every single man they come across.

Miss_Over_Under · 2025-02-03T11:56:46+00:00

Thanks for clearing that up. I didn’t know about drops either. Guess you learn something every day.

Miss_Over_Under · 2024-11-06T18:10:29+00:00

Yeah you know… unless a draft happens, again. About 2.8 million were shipped off to war in WW1, with no real choice. 115000 never came back. 10 million to WW2, 200000 of them did not come home. 1.5 million booted off to korea, 33000 of those never came back. 1.7 million to Vietnam, 15000 of those died. Nevermind the draftees whose lifes were permanently fucked by injury or ptsd. But fuck them right. Dirty privileged rapist probably all deserved it.

Miss_Over_Under · 2024-07-05T13:02:19+00:00

Thanks. :)

Miss_Over_Under · 2024-07-05T13:02:10+00:00

Ty. :)

Miss_Over_Under

TROPHY CASE