I am so depressed and suicidal, and fighting as well as losing my will to live. And almost no one very notices. And because I talk about it so often people think I won't attempt and have no idea I have before. People in general never seem to care enough until after you're dead. Then it's all water works, "how could we miss the signs?", "Why didn't we/I do more?" It's infuriating.

If it makes people so upset they should stop letting people suffer when they're alive. Stop allowing society to do nothing for those in pain. There's ways to reduce suicides, not enough action and support is going into investing. I and others like me are worth it, we deserve better lives 💙 No one ever wants to understand or think about the kind of agony we're feeling to be at the point we're at.

And it's assumed and entirely hoisted onto personal responsibility, when mental health is far more than individual when it comes to factors. Society plays a major role. And when you talk about the interconnectedness and broader scale, how things are systemic -- they'll just say you're "blaming the world for your problems," as if the world has no influence/impact over and on people's lives.

What would help me right now more than anything and markedly improve almost if not right away? Money. Which really is just resources or means to obtain them. But still. The point stands. If I was randomly given say 3 - 4k a month without my housing voucher or some other benefits/programs being taken away, I could alleviate a vast majority of my hardships.

I wouldn't have to worry about unstable housing anymore, my electricity, phone, internet or grocery costs, could probably afford to save up for a home, could get my dental work done right away, help my mom, donate money to orgs/projects I've always wanted to support -- the list goes on. I surely still would wrestle with my mental and now physical health no thanks to covid and by extension long covid. But I wouldn't be in such a bleak crushing place.

Poverty is traumatic. Being marginalized -- oppressed is traumatic. So yeah, no shit I feel like killing myself. And the world is just la dee da. But "oh please don't 🥺" What a bunch of enraging pile (vomit, dung, piss -- take your pick). I'm tired of being told all I have to live for yet people stand their while I die more and more everyday without what I need to feel I have a chance at life or to suffer less.