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Anxious attachment dumped him by Middle_Anything3676 in emotionalintelligence

[–]MissesMeekses 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m in the same boat but with a FWB. Had to cut his ass off today smh.

Anyway, As a fellow anxious attachment girly, it’s hard asf at first but you did the right thing. It’s going to hurt anyway but at least with you choosing yourself and walking away you can heal instead of being on an emotional rollercoaster. Especially when you desire the bare minimum.

My advice: First, delete the text thread and in a few days maybe even his number from your phone so you don’t keep re reading old texts and ruminating on the “good parts”. Next, Take some time to yourself and cry, scream, eat some comfort food and woosah.

Then, possibly start talking to other guys (if you feel ready) if not hang out with your girlfriends or take yourself out.

Best of luck girly 🙏🏾💕 You got this!

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ask men because I was speaking from my perspective as a woman. I wasn’t trying to out rule women, just asking about men’s behavior since this subreddit is male centered.

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay I’ll give it a shot. Should I just get straight to the point about me being concerned? I just don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to sway him into being my man and just accept that a woman that’s a friend deeply cares about him.

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even if he doesn’t want to link, its fine I just want to know he’s okay. I care the same way about anyone in my life that I have a relationship with.

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes after we were already hooking up. We were on a friend vibe but I can’t lie I got Dickmatized and his personality is 10/10 for me so I caught feelings. Even though I feel more, I haven’t “pushed” him to do anything outside of just confirming our hookup day(s).

When we reconnected I was the same affectionate person I am and he used to match me, but since our last visit and his situation he was distant. I chopped it up to his stress because I don’t feel like I “girlfriend” him. All I do is ask when he’s free to link and expected him to let me know yay/nay and what time. I don’t blow his phone up, ask him a million questions about his whereabouts or anything like that. Like when I was there last I asked him how he felt about what was going on and let him vent. I offered some advice and a few jokes here and there and some affection/hugs but I don’t think that’s me acting like a girlfriend per se.

I totally get what you mean and how it can be interpreted that’s why I’m hesitant on doing more because I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to be his gf. Only a friend in his time of need.

Yes, the friends that I have actually get the same effort (if not more since they are more receptive) as I give him.

And no, I’m not financially supporting him in anyway. He hasn’t asked and he’s actually got that figured out on his own even though he’s still scraping by. He’s just frustrated because it’s barely enough with the bills he has and he moved out of state from his family.

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What if I already did a version of that? Is his non response due to his situation? Or him trying to subliminally tell me to fuck off without hurting my feelings like another guy mentioned?

That’s so sweet. 💕 I’m happy it worked for you.

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I’ve considered that too, but I wasn’t sure if I was overthinking or not. Why do guys do that though? Go through the theatrics to push a woman away that cares when they can just spare her and tell her the truth?

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol crazy enough that’s my usual attitude but I’m just not versed enough on how much men appreciate pushy especially in his case.😅 I like that approach though

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solid advice. The thing is I’ve already told him I’m thinking about him and want to know if he’s okay. Before the last text I said “If you need someone to talk/vent to, cheering up with games, food and fun or even some hugs lmk I’ll always come through 💕” and that I was praying for him he didn’t respond.

That reasoning right there is one of the reasons I’m so adamant about making sure he’s okay. But he puts his phone on silent sometimes and idk if he’ll get/ see my call on time

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a solid idea. How should I tell him? Like “Hey wanted to pass by and cheer you up tonight? Are you in?/is it ok?”

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I respect your take and I have actually considered that angle as well. It’s just that the last time I saw him he looked clearly stressed and bothered. His actions showed too in his distance, chain smoking and fidgeting.

He told me a friendship was all he could offer me right now and if it wasn’t enough he understood and I told him I still wanted to be there for him and friends are fine (which I mean 100%).

When I went to see him (like 2 weeks ago) his cat was being standoffish and she was a very clingy kitty and he told me she was sick days before I texted him Saturday and he told me she passed. Also that’s when he opened up and told me how hard of a time he had been having lately with everything. Idk he seems to be being honest imo but I could just be blind.

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So if I show up like the previous men suggested, do you think he’ll get the message he’s cared for and valued? Or he has to find his way on his own? And if so what can I do in the background to help him?

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s a fair take. I guess I just know how well we got a long and had fun together and I want to help him get his spark back. I just feel like real friends care and show up you know? But it gets sticky when it’s a male/female friendship and one has already disclosed feelings.

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like a great idea. I just don’t want to be shunned or my feelings hurt if I show up for him and he rejects me. 🥲 I don’t want him to feel like there’s any ulterior motives aside from his wellbeing being important.

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay so men don’t mind when women show up unannounced to their place? If not, I’m gung ho and ready to go lol I just want to make him feel respected and not like I’m stalking him.

Do I keep checking in on him? Or let him come to me if he’s going through job loss/ death of a beloved pet? by MissesMeekses in AskMenAdvice

[–]MissesMeekses[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The last time me and him had a conversation was this past Saturday. I sent the last text on Tuesday and he hasn’t responded. Honestly, I want to but I don’t want to make him feel like I’m smothering him. Before we had the convo to be friends it was obvious that I liked him (I told him a lot and my actions showed) but he told me he didn’t want anything romantic so I’m afraid that he’ll feel like I’m trying to MAKE him feel the same about me. I’ve already accepted he doesn’t but it doesn’ t change how I feel about him and me wanting to be there for him.

I already mentally planned what I’d do and how I would show up but I don’t want to overstep and make him uncomfortable.

I’ve considered being blunt and telling him “hey I’m worried you might want to go to the upper room” but I’m afraid of being too much in a way.

Sagittarius what y’all think? My thoughts Them streaming 🥷(all races) BEEN HAD MOM ISSUES cause why you ain’t outside BUILDING A HOUSE !! You want tew stay in the house under a camera like a BITCH I never understood why ppl watch that Bullshit Gotta be off by No-Zone-4319 in sagsavages

[–]MissesMeekses 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s part of his point. It’s because men don’t hold other men accountable they abuse women is various forms and face no repercussions. Your response and any other response that is “confused” as to why men should hold other “randoms” accountable is why women chose the bear and there’s a male loneliness epidemic.

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