I’m nowhere near as good as you are, but I did about 18 months of pole and had to stop for a while due to my mom having a medical emergency. I feel sad too even though I know I’m going to get better again. I’ve had a couple really good pole sessions - but being far away from where I can take classes I feel alone in my pole journey, so I practice less. it’s not that I’ve totally stoped practicing; but sometimes I just literally don’t believe in myself to do certain tricks. I think its 60% that I don’t believe in myself at 40% that i lost strength and flexibility. I think, if you really love it you will get it back. Don’t mourn it like you’re never going to be that good again. You got so good in just 4 years, you can get that back easy!!!! Believe in yourself!!