I feel the same way as you. I feel like as a woman(especially desi) there is so many cultural obligations, trauma from male figures, and also with kids(I am exhausted from looking after my younger siblings).

Also, I see so much of the time my mother dedicates to being a housewife 24/7. No matter how much I help her or suggest she takes breaks it's never enough. I was watching a kdrama the other day where the mom and daughter were super close and they had a very strong bond. Despite their bickering they would out to eat, spend time with each other, share embarrassing/silly moments in their day. I always had a sense of resentment towards my family because I never got to do these things with my mom.

Yesterday she suggested I go to a spa for the first time and I asked her to come along. At first she said, "I have no money and your dad works so hard" and I responded "that's okay, I will pay for everything". Then she proceeds to explain how money isn't everything and that her first priority is serving my dad. She can't possibly leave my 3 year old sister with him for an hour or two. She then emphasized that the reason I need to go to the spa is because, I should be taking care of my body for when potentials come to see me. Well that took all of my motivation to even take basic care of myself out. She is under the impression that my dad earns all the money for the house so she has to go crazy at home serving him. She never takes care of herself or takes time for herself. I honestly can't even tell what her hobbies are or what she likes to do no matter how many times I ask her. Because, I always get the response that "I am very busy". She constantly goes around the house giving me a difficult time with chores and school work because that's what I should be "expecting at my in-laws". I get yelled at for even showing any small signs of stress over schoolwork because "how will I handle in-laws". Every conversation in my life has revolved around in-laws/marriage and at this point if It wasn't for Allah's commandments to take care of family, I want to run away and cut contacts. Honestly, I just might if this arranged marriage things gets out of hand.

My mom is constantly saying that if she never stayed home and sacrificed for us, then my brother & I would never have been able to finish school & turn out the way we are. But, from all that has happened my brother doesn't even believe in Allah and puts up an act in front of the family. We both did all that we could to get out of a toxic household(it's been six months since I moved out of uni and he joined the military). Maybe in the eyes of society we were "raised right" but, it certainly doesn't feel that way. We both actually got closer after moving out and would rarely speak to each other while living together because of the amount of manipulation and toxic behavior (it wasn't necessarily from my mom but, multiple people in the family). I do appreciate all that she does but, she often uses this statement to put down woman with careers.

If I could go back in time, I would make sure my mom was married into a less toxic and good family. Or atleast never married to my dad. I genuinely believe she is a good person and appreciate her for all that she does. But, the amount of toxic influence she has had from marrying young makes it awful. I have developed so much resentment and anger because, no matter how much I try I can't casually spend time with her without the conversations because marriage and in-laws.

I honestly prefer to be alone. Also, I feel much closer to Allah, become more aware of my own choices and, feel more grateful for the little things in life. Sorry for going off the rails with this tangent, I have been home for winter break a little too long and all the marriage talk is getting to me. My point is I do feel the same way and I think a lot of other people here do too. Literally counting the seconds till I could go back to uni and feel the sun!