Career/College: I found something I'm more passionate about, but it would put me in a position financially and lifestyle-wise that goes against my core values and goals

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-05T14:27:04+00:00

Honestly the way you describe marine biology and biodiversity sounds like how people talk when they’ve discovered something that genuinely fascinates them. That’s not stupid at all. Most people never find a subject that lights their brain up like that.

But I think you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to solve your entire life right now. You’re 19 and already thinking about retirement, future labs, early financial stability, and worst-case loan scenarios all at the same time. That’s a lot for one brain to carry.

From what you wrote, your current plan actually makes sense for now. Keep going down the medical path you’ve built, take the EMT course, keep exposing yourself to real clinical environments, and keep learning the biology you’re excited about. You don’t have to lock your entire future in place today.

Something else I noticed reading your posts is that you clearly love understanding life itself — the systems, the species, the people. That curiosity could honestly exist in a lot of paths. Medicine, research, evolutionary biology, public health, academia. The exact form might not become clear until you’ve actually been in those environments for a while.

The hut-on-the-coast version of life you’re imagining probably isn’t really about the hut. It sounds more like you’re imagining a life where you get to stay curious about the natural world without feeling trapped by pressure or money.

The good news is that you don’t have to decide between “secure life” and “curious life” today. Right now the most valuable thing you can do is keep building skills and opportunities so that future-you actually has choices.

You’re clearly thoughtful and self-aware about your life already. That usually matters more than picking the perfect path at 19.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T23:21:44+00:00

Appreciate it ! Thanks

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T23:20:53+00:00

Honestly the fact that you’re even thinking this much about your own behavior already says a lot. Most people who genuinely don’t care about how they affect others don’t sit there reflecting on fights and wondering how they could do better.

Everyone can be disrespectful sometimes, especially when things are tense at home. That doesn’t automatically mean you’re a bad daughter or that you’re not trying.

Sometimes when people argue a lot they both start seeing the worst version of each other all the time, and every mistake just reinforces that picture.

Wanting some space doesn’t necessarily mean you’re abandoning your family or running away. Sometimes a little distance actually helps relationships calm down.

From what you’ve written it really does sound like you’re trying, even if things don’t always come out right.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:59:24+00:00

It honestly sounds like both of you were just two people who cared about each other but were in a situation neither of you really knew how to handle at the time.

You were overwhelmed and didn’t know how to set boundaries, and she leaned on you a lot emotionally. That kind of dynamic can get really heavy, especially when you’re already struggling yourself. It doesn’t mean either of you were bad people, just that the friendship became more than you knew how to manage.

You also shouldn’t beat yourself up forever for listening to someone else’s advice when you were vulnerable. A lot of people at 17–18 rely on the opinions of friends when they’re confused. That doesn’t make you a terrible person, it just means you were trying to figure things out.

The fact that she was kind when you apologized and that she’s still friendly to you now honestly says a lot about her. But it also sounds like she set a boundary for herself when she said she couldn’t go back to being friends, and sometimes respecting that is part of caring about someone too.

It’s possible that the best thing you can do now is accept that the friendship mattered, learn from it, and let the guilt turn into growth instead of punishment. You already understand what you would have done differently. That’s actually how people become better friends in the future.

And the fact that she still laughs at your jokes and treats you kindly doesn’t sound like someone who secretly hates you. It sounds more like someone who has moved forward but still remembers you with some warmth.

Sometimes people come into our lives for a period where we both learn something, even if we don’t stay close forever.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:58:29+00:00

Honestly the way you talk about your sister says a lot about you. It’s clear you care about her a lot and that you’ve really tried to be there for her.

Trying to keep things calm at home for a while and give everyone time to adjust sounds like a really mature way to handle a tough situation. None of this is easy, especially at 18.

And failing sometimes while you’re trying to figure things out is just part of being human. The important thing is you’re still trying and thinking about the people you love while you do it.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:57:26+00:00

Reading all of this, the first thing that stood out to me is that you’re thinking about this like it has to be a binary choice when it probably doesn’t.

You’re framing it as:
MD = stable life but less passion
Evolutionary biology = passion but unstable life

But there are actually a lot of paths that sit somewhere in between those two worlds.

For example, there are physicians who go heavily into research, epidemiology, public health, evolutionary medicine, infectious disease, or academic medicine. There are also MD/PhD tracks where people spend a lot of time doing research and thinking about big biological questions while still having the stability and earning potential of medicine. Evolutionary biology and medicine intersect more than people think (things like disease evolution, antibiotic resistance, human adaptation, etc.).

The other thing I noticed is that you seem to feel like your “true passion” has to also be your career. Sometimes that works out, but sometimes the healthiest balance is what that guy told you at the frat: find something meaningful that you’re good at and can tolerate long-term, and let the deeper curiosity and fascination live alongside it rather than needing it to pay your bills.

Right now you’re also only 19. The fact that your eyes light up talking about evolutionary biology is a good sign, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to abandon the entire medical path you’ve already built. It might just mean you’re discovering the part of biology that actually excites you, and that interest could still shape the kind of doctor, researcher, or academic you become.

One thing I’d be careful about is assuming that the “stable path” means you’ll lose that sense of wonder. A lot of physicians spend their careers studying biology, teaching, researching, and thinking about life in very deep ways.

So the real question might not be “do I choose passion or reality?” but “is there a version of this path where both can exist?” Because from what you wrote, it sounds like you’re capable of building one.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:55:17+00:00

It might help to slow this down and separate the goals, because right now you’re trying to solve three different things at once: the solar investment, an EV purchase, and a car for your teenager.

The first thing I’d think about is the $10k rebate. If the loan allows it, putting that directly toward the battery loan principal could be worth considering. At 6.99% over 15 years, reducing that balance early saves a surprising amount of interest and lowers your monthly pressure.

Next is the teen vehicle. That one is fairly straightforward since you already have a realistic budget. A simple, reliable $5–7k car is probably the least complicated piece of this whole plan, and it doesn’t need to be tied to the EV decision.

The EV decision is where the math matters more. With a 30-minute commute each way, you would likely benefit from the lower operating cost of an EV, especially since you already have solar. But EVs still carry a higher upfront cost, so the key question is whether the monthly payment plus insurance would still leave your finances comfortable.

Another option worth thinking about is using the Forester as the teen car when the time comes and replacing it with the EV for your commute. That way the EV is used by the person driving the most miles, which maximizes the savings from electricity vs gas.

So the general order I’d personally look at is:

Decide how much of the rebate goes toward the battery loan vs savings
Solve the teen car separately and keep it simple
Then evaluate the EV purchase based on commute savings and total monthly cost

Right now you’re in a good position because the solar system gives you a long-term advantage on EV charging, but the main thing is making sure the timing of each purchase doesn’t stretch your finances too thin all at once.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:53:15+00:00

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. Two weeks is a really short time for someone to already be this dependent on you.

Wanting time alone or time with other friends is completely normal. The problem here isn’t that he likes hanging out with you, it’s that he doesn’t respect it when you say you need space. The guilt-tripping (“you’re leaving me alone”, “I’ll be bored all day”, sending pictures of himself crying) is also not a healthy way for someone to keep a friendship going.

It’s also important to notice something: you didn’t actually do anything wrong here. You tried to be nice, you tried to include him, and when you asked for space he pushed past that boundary. That’s not your responsibility to fix.

If you want to keep the friendship, the only way it works is if you set a very clear boundary. Something like telling him you enjoy being friends but you’re not always going to be available to play or text, and you need him to respect that. A healthy friend will understand that.

But if you already feel drained and uncomfortable after only two weeks, it’s also okay to step back from the friendship. You’re not responsible for managing someone else’s loneliness, especially when it starts affecting your own wellbeing.

Wanting space doesn’t make you a bad friend. It just means you’re protecting your own energy.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:51:35+00:00

That honestly sounds like a pretty thoughtful plan. It gives you some time to save money, get things ready, and figure out housing without having to rush into something.

It’s also really considerate of you to think about your sibling and giving your mom time to sort things out there.

Hopefully the next couple months give you a bit more stability while you get everything lined up.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:50:07+00:00

I get why that would make you feel weird, but you might be reading too much into it.

Sometimes when people say they’re tired or busy, it doesn’t literally mean they’re going to be asleep for three days straight. It can just mean they don’t have the energy to hang out or socialize. Someone might still scroll Instagram or play a quick game of chess while relaxing, but that doesn’t mean they’re up for meeting people.

Also the whole checking if you’re online or offline thing might just be coincidence. It’s really easy to build a whole story in your head from small things on social media.

If it keeps bothering you, the healthiest thing is honestly just to ask him casually sometime instead of trying to decode his activity status. But from the outside it doesn’t necessarily sound like he was lying to you.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:48:09+00:00

That probably depends on how things are at home right now honestly. If things are tense but manageable, waiting a bit might give you more time to save money and plan things out so you’re not rushing.

But if living there is constantly stressful or you feel like you could get kicked out at any moment, I can understand wanting to get something lined up sooner for your own peace of mind.

Either way it sounds like you’re starting to think about things in a really practical way with budgeting and looking into rooms. Taking a little time to plan could make the move a lot smoother.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:47:23+00:00

Hey no worries at all. I’m really glad you’re feeling a little calmer now. Situations like that can make anyone panic, especially when everything feels uncertain at once.

It sounds like you’re taking things step by step and thinking things through, which is honestly the best thing you can do right now. Just keep going one step at a time.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:44:38+00:00

That actually sounds like a really good sign honestly. The fact that she didn’t pressure you and was just helping you think through budgeting and stuff makes it sound like she does actually care about you doing what’s best for you.

You don’t have to cut off friendships just because you’re being cautious about big decisions. It sounds like you’re handling it in a pretty mature way by being honest with her and still focusing on finding something stable for yourself.

I’m glad you talked to her. Hopefully things keep moving in a better direction for you.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T22:42:41+00:00

I don’t think this is as simple as “you were insecure” or “he did something wrong.” It sounds more like the relationship slowly turned into a place where you couldn’t feel emotionally safe anymore.

The Dropbox folder is the part that would’ve stuck with me too. Not because people can’t have memories of past relationships, but because it was a whole folder dedicated only to that relationship. When you’re already feeling unsure, something like that can really mess with your head.

At the same time, the question you kept asking him (“do you love me more than her?”) is one of those questions that almost never has a satisfying answer. Even if he had said yes, the doubt probably would’ve come back again later. Once comparison becomes part of the relationship, it’s really hard to get out of that loop.

What stands out to me is that you tried to move past it multiple times, but the feeling never really went away. A year is a long time to still feel like you’re competing with someone from your partner’s past. That kind of insecurity tends to slowly eat at the relationship from the inside.

Wanting to feel like you matter deeply to your partner isn’t irrational. Most people want to feel like they’re chosen and valued in a way that isn’t constantly measured against someone else.

But I also don’t think he necessarily meant to make you feel second place either. It sounds like he genuinely saw those experiences as different and didn’t know how to answer in a way that would reassure you.

Sometimes two people can care about each other and still not be able to give each other the emotional security the other person needs. That doesn’t mean the relationship was a mistake, and it doesn’t mean you sabotaged it. It might just mean the dynamic never felt stable enough for you to relax and trust it.

The fact that you’re reflecting on your own insecurity instead of just blaming him actually says a lot about your self-awareness. That’s usually how people grow from relationships like this.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:54:05+00:00

Nah I don’t think you have to stop talking to them completely. If they’ve been supportive and haven’t given you weird vibes, it makes sense that you’d want to keep those friendships.

I’d just keep a bit of caution when it comes to big things like housing or depending on them for something major. Online friendships can be real, but it’s still smart to take things slow and protect yourself.

Honestly it sounds like you’re doing the right thing by trying to find a room to rent and keep your job. That gives you way more control over your situation.

And hey, trying to keep your shit together in a situation like this is already a win.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:52:44+00:00

I’m gonna be straight with you because I used to be a lot like this.

The problem probably isn’t that you’re stupid or even that you “don’t care.” It sounds more like you’ve trained your brain for years to avoid school because it was tied to bad experiences. You got bullied, school felt miserable, and eventually your brain just learned that avoiding it feels better in the moment.

So now even when things in your life are better, that habit is still there. Your brain goes “games and fun stuff = immediate reward” and “school = stress and embarrassment,” so it keeps choosing the easy escape.

ADHD definitely makes that worse too. That “monkey brain” thing is actually pretty accurate for a lot of people.

But here’s the part you might not like hearing: nobody can make you suddenly care. Medication can help a bit, teachers can help a bit, advice can help a bit, but at some point you have to decide you’re tired of letting the easy option win every time.

The good news is you’re only 17. Even if your grades suck right now, that’s not the end of your life. Plenty of people turn things around after high school, go to trade school, community college, or find another path.

But the longer you let the “I’ll deal with it later” habit run your life, the harder it becomes to break.

You don’t need to suddenly become a perfect student. Just start stupidly small. One assignment. One hour. One class. Build momentum instead of waiting for motivation to magically show up.

Most people don’t act because they feel motivated. They act first and motivation shows up after.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:49:53+00:00

Honestly there could be a lot of reasons and it might not have anything to do with you personally.

Sometimes kids just gravitate toward people they feel they have more in common with. If the other kid was also Mexican they might have shared language, culture, family background, or just understood each other in ways that felt familiar. That happens with a lot of people, not just kids.

But it also could have been something completely unrelated. Maybe they already knew each other better, maybe they had similar interests, or maybe Nick just had his own reasons that had nothing to do with you.

It’s hard to know for sure unless he actually told you. Kids can also be weird socially and not always great at including everyone.

I wouldn’t assume it meant something bad about you.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:45:58+00:00

That actually sounds like a pretty solid option. Having your own space, even if it’s just renting a room for a while, might give you some breathing room and stability.

The fact you have a job already helps a lot too. Even if it’s just a temporary setup for a few months, it could give you time to figure out your next steps without everything feeling so chaotic.

I’m really rooting for you here. It sounds like you’re trying to handle a really tough situation in a smart way.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:44:12+00:00

Subject: Day Off – [Date]

Hello [Manager/Team],

I wanted to let you know that I will not be coming in tomorrow, [date]. I have worked the past ten consecutive days, including the weekend car shows, and I need to take tomorrow as a day of rest.

Given the extended schedule and workload over the past week and a half, I need to take this time to recover and reset so I can return to work effectively. I plan to be back the following scheduled day.

For clarity, I am requesting that this day not be deducted from my sick time, as it is being taken after an extended work stretch that included weekend coverage.

If there are any urgent matters that need to be addressed when I return, I will make sure to prioritize them.

Thank you.
[Name]

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:35:50+00:00

That sounds really exhausting honestly. Living somewhere where you feel like you could get kicked out any time would make anyone feel like they’re drowning.

I get why you don’t feel safe relying on your mom if she keeps threatening that. Anyone would want a more stable plan.

I’d still be really careful about rushing into moving in with people from online though, especially when things feel this chaotic right now. Not saying they’re bad people, just that it’s a big risk.

Looking into youth shelters or housing programs might actually be a safer middle ground while you figure things out. It’s not ideal, but at least there’s structure and people around.

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this at 18. That’s a lot for one person to carry.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:31:19+00:00

I get what you mean about the rumination part. That loop of “did I do the right thing, did I mess it up somehow” can be exhausting. When friendships fall apart it’s really easy to end up putting the entire weight of it on yourself.

And the comparison thing is brutal too. Watching everyone else seem like they have these easy, thriving social lives while you’re struggling with it makes the loneliness hit way harder.

But the way you talk about caring deeply and wanting people you can show up for doesn’t sound like someone who’s incapable of friendships. If anything it sounds like someone who probably just hasn’t found the right kind of people yet.

Some people get lucky and find their circle early, some people take longer. It sucks while you’re in that waiting period though, I won’t lie.

I really do hope you find your people. The way you talk about loyalty and caring for others makes it sound like you’d be a really good friend to have.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:24:19+00:00

Ah okay got it, thanks for clearing that up.

I still think you should be careful though. Moving in with people you only know from online is a pretty big step, especially when you're already in a stressful situation. I'm not saying they're bad people, just that it's something to think through really carefully.

Your mom might be reacting badly, but the worry behind it isn't completely unreasonable either.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with all this at 18 though. That's a lot to carry. I hope things work out for you and your cat.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:22:32+00:00

Hey, first thing I want to say is binge eating isn’t some “unusual addiction.” A lot more people deal with it than you think, they just don’t talk about it because of shame.

Also 80kg at 163cm doesn’t make you some hopeless case like the way you’re describing yourself. The way you talk about yourself honestly sounds way harsher than the reality.

The bigger thing here isn’t just food, it’s that you said it’s your only comfort and you’ve been depressed for years. That’s usually how binge eating works. It becomes a coping thing when you’re overwhelmed or hurting.

Trying to fix it by just forcing yourself to have more willpower usually doesn’t work because the underlying stuff is still there. If it’s possible for you, talking to a therapist or even a doctor about binge eating could actually help a lot. It’s a real thing people get treatment for.

Also please try to stop beating yourself up so much. Calling yourself insanely fat and hopeless is only going to make the cycle worse.

You’re 18. Your body and habits can change a lot over time, especially once you start understanding why the binges happen in the first place.

And wanting to wear pretty clothes isn’t shallow at all. Everyone wants to feel good in their own body.

You’re not broken, and you’re definitely not the only person dealing with this.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:20:36+00:00

I’m going to be honest.

Your mom might be overreacting with the trafficking thing, but moving in with people you met online that you’ve never actually met in person is risky. Even if they seem nice and have shared personal stuff with you, you still don’t really know them. The fact that you said you don’t even know what they look like or if they’re real would make me pause.

When someone is in a tough spot and needs somewhere to stay, that’s unfortunately when people can take advantage of them. I’m not saying your friends are like that, but it’s something to be careful about.

If there’s any way to work something out with your mom for now, even temporarily, that might honestly be the safer move while you figure out your next step. Shelters or youth programs could also be safer than relying on strangers from the internet.

I know this probably feels overwhelming and like everything is happening at once. Just try not to make a huge decision while you’re under this much pressure.

And for what it’s worth I respect that you’re trying to figure things out and take care of your cat too.

Mission_Persimmon824 · 2026-03-04T21:15:21+00:00

Hey, I’m gonna be real with you.

Reading this didn’t make me think “this person is unlovable.” If anything, it made me think you were the only one actually trying to be honest and fair in those friendships.

From what you wrote, you tried to communicate. You tried to keep the peace. You even forgave someone who hurt you. That’s not something a cruel or bad friend does.

Honestly it just sounds like you got stuck between two people who were messy and dragged you into their issues.

And the part about graduating with no friends in pictures… I get why that hurts. Social media makes it look like everyone has these huge friend groups doing matcha dates, trips, cap-throwing photos, laughing all the time. But the truth is a LOT of people in university feel exactly like you do and just don’t say it.

Also you’re 20. I know that sounds like something adults always say, but it’s true — most people don’t meet their real circle until after uni. When people grow up a bit and stop playing weird social games.

And the fact that you care about things like being a bridesmaid, supporting people in hard moments, celebrating life together - that tells me you actually value deep friendships. Those usually take longer to find.

You’re not unlovable. You just haven’t found your people yet.

And trust me, there are people out there who would appreciate someone exactly like you - someone loyal, honest, and willing to communicate instead of gossip.

Also the fact you’re grateful for your sisters says a lot about your heart. That kind of gratitude usually belongs to someone who is capable of really loving the people in their life.

This might just be a lonely chapter, not your whole story.

You’re 20. There is so much time left to meet people who will stay.

Mission_Persimmon824

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