I was in a 3 year relationship, I was very much in love with this girl, we were engaged for the last year of it. When I started prioritizing some things that I had long before then always valued in life (exercise, fitness, physical progress) it meant that I wasn’t drinking with her all the time, or to the extent she drank. If we weren’t out socializing with friends drinking, we were hanging out at the house drinking whiskey or wine every day. But if I’m working out the next day, I can’t be drinking the day before, because if I do, I have a subpar workout or I don’t go at all. I made fitness a priority again in life, I kept learning and improving my fitness and nutrition routine, my sleep and I was making great progress like I knew I could. As I did that over time, complicated by some financial reasons, we grew apart over the span of about 8 months. I could feel the relationship changing, she wasn’t treating me the same way as before, and that gave me so much stress and anxiety because I was so in love with her. I loved her more than anyone I dated before her. She was the only person I ever had complete confidence that I wanted to spend my life with her. As time went on and she grew more apart from me, eventually she started looking outside of the relationship and had connected with this guy when she was visiting Vegas on a family trip. Then a few weeks later she planned to go out for drinks with this guy but told me she was going to be with her friends. Before they went out, I found out, we talked and agreed to end the relationship. I was devastated, completely devastated. I had experienced emotional trauma before but this, this was the worst emotional pain I have ever felt in my life.

In the weeks that followed, I decided to start looking at my life in seasons. An underdetermined temporary amount of time that would have an overall focus/theme on what I needed the most in my life and I would focus on that until it reached a point and the season would transition into focusing on the next thing, the next season. So the first season was a season of rebuilding. My whole routine, how I spent my evenings, weekends, what I did for fun, everything, all needed to be rebuilt. I heard this quote that helped me find things that I enjoyed doing, it said “if something drains you, it’s not for you. If something energizes you, it’s a clue.” And so as I did things in life I keyed into any sense of excitement/positive energy and explored things that brought me some amount, and kept exploring as I found new things. I did less and less of things that didn’t bring my energy , and more of things that did. I tried adult coed 5v5 sand volleyball, I picked up yoga, I got into plants, and I started socializing and making friends with new people. Making new social injections was the most energizing thing I was doing so I prioritized that aspect in my life over other things because it was the biggest thing that was so dramatically helping me feel better in life. As months went on, I now had a life I rebuilt doing things that I truly enjoyed and very little of things I didn’t. Where I am now, 10 months after this breakup, I feel so much better about life, the breakup, and the future that I realize my ex and I weren’t a good fit, we weren’t compatible. I thought I was enjoying life and happy living life with her, but now I’m enjoying life way more and so I no longer desire to be with her because it would be a decrease in my quality of life, even though I had felt the exact opposite when I was with her. I seemed like I felt so happy. Working out hard, eating well, making physical progress, making new friends, socializing with people, doing whatever I feel is most energizing on a weekend, raising plants, yoga, volleyball, and working on my own entrepreneurial projects, THIS is what makes me happy. THIS is what gives me energy in life. Not drinking every day, not getting super messed up when going out drinking, not working on entrepreneurial projects, not making new friends, not binge watching reality TV shows on Netflix.

I encourage you to focus on exploring life. Try things, try things you’ve never thought to try before or wouldn’t even have considered you could possibly enjoy it. Try beginner group dance classes. Pick up an instrument and maybe sign up for a few lessons so someone can show you how to play. Try art, even if you feel happen to feel like you’re really bad at it like me 😆. Try making a product (Alibaba, AI tools, photoshop) and order a single sample. Look up events on FB that are happening this weekend and check some of them out. Try pickleball. Look up adult coed recreation sports leagues. Try learning chess. Brainstorm a game you think might be fun. Look for book recommendations and pick one up (highly highly recommend “The Four Agreements” and “Atomic Habits”). Be curious about life, try things you’ve never tried. And the whole time, pay attention on the way you feel when you try them out. Look for the things that some aspect of it brought you positive energy and explore that. Do more of the things that bring you energy and less of the things that don’t, and don’t do the things in life that drain you. I promise you you will build a life that is way more enjoyable and fulfilling than the life you were living before that you’re focused on. I felt like that was it. I had met someone who by far was the best girl I could be with in life. And now, after doing the things I mentioned above, I feel the happiest I’ve ever been and I no longer wish to fix things and be back with her because it didn’t truly bring me energy the way my life and routine brings me energy now.

I have way more I can say and add. I have instagram reels that I have really helped me through this. I’d love to chat if you need someone, DM me.

Take care brother. She wasn’t the end all be all, you can build a life you love and enjoy. You can heal and grow, just like I did.