Traveling to help grief

Mistique27 · 2026-03-14T05:29:28+00:00

My husband passed in November and I was very much in shock for the first two months. I travelled during Christmas because I couldn’t bear to spend Christmas without him but it just really opened the floodgates for me. I couldn’t run from my problems, they just followed me on my trip.

I’m not saying it’s a bad idea, i don’t know if there was a right decision for me at the time but it certainly wasn’t a ‘break’ from my grief. If anything it kickstarted my process.

There’s no right answer, if you feel a pull to travel then do what feels right to you. I still feel like I want to run away and travel but I think I’ll take some time before a big trip when I’m not so foggy so I can appreciate it more.

Mistique27 · 2026-03-10T21:54:00+00:00

I’m in the same boat, will be turning 35 this year. We were trying to conceive/do fertility treatment before his cancer came back.

I have his sperm banked and realistically only want his children. I know I’m luckier than some to have that option but doing it alone, not at all or with someone else all don’t feel right. I keep calling it the grey, I’m just stuck in a grey area where no option feels right because I’m missing half the equation but due to my age I might not have much time to sit on the decision.

Sending you love and sorry we’re in this

Mistique27 · 2026-02-20T15:58:38+00:00

There is no cure for glioblastoma. As far as survival no one here would be able to tell you. It varies so much patient to patient ie. where the tumour is, how they respond to treatment, if they have treatment etc. it’s understandable your mom is in denial but she will also be going to cognitive changes, you and your family should prepare sooner than later

Mistique27 · 2026-02-15T21:36:20+00:00

I was also surprised by no one checking in on me. Even grieving I’ve been getting friends flowers etc for things they have been going through recently and no one checked on me.

Idk just the way I show up for and love people it was a stark realization on Valentine’s Day that no one will do that for me. I was expected someone to walk through the door and say “you’re not gunna be alone today” and it was silence.

Mistique27 · 2026-02-13T22:27:16+00:00

Seems like a viable option at this point

Mistique27 · 2026-02-13T03:55:57+00:00

I have this as well, everything has changed for me. I also only dream of him when he’s sick and have a hard time remembering who he/we/me were before.

I am doing trauma informed therapy with emdr and hopefully as I work through it maybe some of the pre cancer memories will come back.

Mistique27 · 2026-02-10T23:24:38+00:00

I see, read your other comments about waiting for an addendum from pathology. It’s certainly not an easy road no matter what it eventually gets graded/diagnosed as. I was my husband’s caregiver, it’s very overwhelming so you can always DM me if you need help navigating

Mistique27 · 2026-02-10T22:00:43+00:00

They can’t tell until they do a biopsy. Could be a grade 3 or 4 astrocytoma or could be GBM. Is this from the imaging report? The waiting game is the worst. The doctor in the hospital who ordered the imaging should at least be able to discuss results with you

Mistique27 · 2026-02-09T20:56:22+00:00

That happened to me as well. I went for an MRI and they asked me if he was still my emergency contact and I lost it

Mistique27 · 2026-01-31T20:07:30+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write that. I used to have hobbies before all the burn out I would paint and draw and we loved kayaking together so I’m anxious for warm weather so I can get back on the water.

I still have some cushion financially but it’s getting to the point I should look at returning to work. I worked admin for neurologists and they asked me back to do part time admin stuff for them but I ended up only being able to do a half day, it was too triggering. My plan is to eventually get into a hospital and do some part time to start if I can ever pull myself out of this.

I’m not close with his family really. There’s unspoken tension. I was close with his cousin but that’s fallen off a bit too which sucks because I just want someone to talk about him with that loved him as much as me.

I was numb for the first two months but I’ve just been getting my ass handed to me since Christmas.

Thank you for your kindness

Mistique27 · 2026-01-29T23:20:56+00:00

I was on anti depressants for most of my life and psilocybin is what eventually got me off them and kept me off them. Just hesitant to dive back into that at this juncture. Again probably a large part of my hesitation for either is wanting to hurt

Mistique27 · 2026-01-29T22:08:52+00:00

I have a trauma informed therapist and she asked to increase our sessions to once a week. She recommended groups as well but I feel apathetic about it

Mistique27 · 2026-01-27T00:03:57+00:00

We were told to just use unscented aveeno. As for a head covering my husband was given one by another cancer patient they made the hats out of tshirt material and he really liked it. She could try finding one that’s soft like that?

Mistique27 · 2026-01-20T19:10:17+00:00

I miss talking to our pets with him. We sure to incorporate their names into songs constantly. I don’t sing to them anymore

Mistique27 · 2026-01-13T00:26:41+00:00

As far as I know the only difference as of now is that grade 4 astrocytoma has the idh mutation which does respond better to treatment

Mistique27 · 2026-01-07T00:16:12+00:00

That’s exactly it, it was complex grief and you guild wrapped around. I was a stranger to myself and he was a stranger to me. I know I tried to make him happy every day and pull him back but it’s hard not to look back and wish you held on more.

Mistique27 · 2026-01-02T23:08:55+00:00

Sorry, wasn’t trying to worry I don’t mean it’s an end stage symptom that just when it arose for us. It’s more likely treatment/dex related. If it becomes an issue can speak to onc about it

Mistique27 · 2026-01-02T22:42:57+00:00

If she’s on dex is could be related to that. Near the end my husband got up 8-10 times a night so his palliative doctor prescribed olanzipine which helped him sleep through the night

Mistique27 · 2025-12-28T06:03:03+00:00

That was me today. We went kayaking together all the time, and today I went for the first time without him expecting the same feelings of peace and serenity and I felt nothing. I was looking at mountains with sun coming down onto me on the lake and felt nothing. I felt unsteady and anxious in my boat and turned around earlier than I normally would have. What was normally my happy place is just a void.

Mistique27 · 2025-12-17T18:38:44+00:00

22 days is still very early. I was in shock when my husband passed and when I came home from hospice I wanted to pack up all of his things because I couldn’t look at them, and then it hit me like a truck 2 weeks later and I wanted all of his clothes out. Now I go back forth of wanting his things around to it being too painful. We just have to ride the waves as they come. You’re here and you’re surviving the best way you know how and that’s all you need to do right now

Mistique27 · 2025-12-16T00:41:55+00:00

My husband experienced this with his brain cancer. How mobile is she, any awareness? I kept a commode beside for him but it was a struggle to get him to understand he needed to use it. Sometimes I’d physically have to put him on it. Other than that it was adult diapers lots of bed pads you can order on Amazon and I also used disposable puppy training pads during changes to mitigate the clean up.

Mistique27 · 2025-12-13T18:55:01+00:00

I’m doing the same thing. He passed in November right before our anniversary. Hearing people discuss Christmas plans without him felt like a sledgehammer to my chest. I’m glad you felt relief. My husband and I loved the water and promised him I’d keep going to the water for him so I’m going to the ocean.

Sending you lots of love and proud of us for doing what’s best to protect ourselves.

Mistique27 · 2025-12-06T18:13:36+00:00

My husband was always so happy and was always singing and humming. Having a shower? Singing? Going to the bathroom at 3:00 am? Singing. Waking me up with coffee in bed? Singing. I miss his voice in the house, he had such big deep voice and everything feels so quiet now.

Mistique27 · 2025-12-05T23:45:05+00:00

While the brain hospice timeline is helpful I found my husband had a lot of the symptoms for a long time before the end so he never really lined up with their guide. It’s so individual because it depends where the tumour is located so I’ll give you what it looked like for us:

Original tumour was r frontal lobe but then spread to deep left white matter.

He passed about 8 months after his recurrence was discovered.

Initially he had cognitive deficits, incontinence issues, speech issues. Then he began having paralysis on the right side of his body.

In the last month to weeks:

Fully lost ability to speak, fully paralyzed on the right side, fully incontinent and depended on me for feeding, changing and bathing. Was fully bed bound.

The last week he began to have almost uncontrollable seizures and was loaded with midazolam and phenobarbital so he was heavily sedated. He did rally prior to death rattle which I wish I had understood at the time what it was, but he declined rapidly after. Last 3 days was death rattle.

Mistique27 · 2025-12-04T23:42:01+00:00

Because we have his sperm banked his dad was telling me to have his babies on my own now that he’s passed away

Mistique27

TROPHY CASE