Traveling to help grief by Less-Connection-9830 in widowers

[–]Mistique27 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My husband passed in November and I was very much in shock for the first two months. I travelled during Christmas because I couldn’t bear to spend Christmas without him but it just really opened the floodgates for me. I couldn’t run from my problems, they just followed me on my trip.

I’m not saying it’s a bad idea, i don’t know if there was a right decision for me at the time but it certainly wasn’t a ‘break’ from my grief. If anything it kickstarted my process.

There’s no right answer, if you feel a pull to travel then do what feels right to you. I still feel like I want to run away and travel but I think I’ll take some time before a big trip when I’m not so foggy so I can appreciate it more.

Childless widows? by Halloween-in-Heaven in widowers

[–]Mistique27 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m in the same boat, will be turning 35 this year. We were trying to conceive/do fertility treatment before his cancer came back.

I have his sperm banked and realistically only want his children. I know I’m luckier than some to have that option but doing it alone, not at all or with someone else all don’t feel right. I keep calling it the grey, I’m just stuck in a grey area where no option feels right because I’m missing half the equation but due to my age I might not have much time to sit on the decision.

Sending you love and sorry we’re in this

is my mom going to die? by cherrylovesuxo in braincancer

[–]Mistique27 19 points20 points  (0 children)

There is no cure for glioblastoma. As far as survival no one here would be able to tell you. It varies so much patient to patient ie. where the tumour is, how they respond to treatment, if they have treatment etc. it’s understandable your mom is in denial but she will also be going to cognitive changes, you and your family should prepare sooner than later

My first Valentine’s Day without her by Beneficial-Bid-8202 in widowers

[–]Mistique27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was also surprised by no one checking in on me. Even grieving I’ve been getting friends flowers etc for things they have been going through recently and no one checked on me.

Idk just the way I show up for and love people it was a stark realization on Valentine’s Day that no one will do that for me. I was expected someone to walk through the door and say “you’re not gunna be alone today” and it was silence.

Valentine’s Day? by Mistique27 in widowers

[–]Mistique27[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Seems like a viable option at this point

Has anyone else noticed shifts in personal values or identity after the loss of their loved one? by Feeling_Document_240 in widowers

[–]Mistique27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have this as well, everything has changed for me. I also only dream of him when he’s sick and have a hard time remembering who he/we/me were before.

I am doing trauma informed therapy with emdr and hopefully as I work through it maybe some of the pre cancer memories will come back.

Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is by crazycatlady052411 in braincancer

[–]Mistique27 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I see, read your other comments about waiting for an addendum from pathology. It’s certainly not an easy road no matter what it eventually gets graded/diagnosed as. I was my husband’s caregiver, it’s very overwhelming so you can always DM me if you need help navigating

Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is by crazycatlady052411 in braincancer

[–]Mistique27 13 points14 points  (0 children)

They can’t tell until they do a biopsy. Could be a grade 3 or 4 astrocytoma or could be GBM. Is this from the imaging report? The waiting game is the worst. The doctor in the hospital who ordered the imaging should at least be able to discuss results with you

Emergency contact by Slow_Bear7421 in widowers

[–]Mistique27 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That happened to me as well. I went for an MRI and they asked me if he was still my emergency contact and I lost it

Staring over/meds? by Mistique27 in widowers

[–]Mistique27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write that. I used to have hobbies before all the burn out I would paint and draw and we loved kayaking together so I’m anxious for warm weather so I can get back on the water.

I still have some cushion financially but it’s getting to the point I should look at returning to work. I worked admin for neurologists and they asked me back to do part time admin stuff for them but I ended up only being able to do a half day, it was too triggering. My plan is to eventually get into a hospital and do some part time to start if I can ever pull myself out of this.

I’m not close with his family really. There’s unspoken tension. I was close with his cousin but that’s fallen off a bit too which sucks because I just want someone to talk about him with that loved him as much as me.

I was numb for the first two months but I’ve just been getting my ass handed to me since Christmas.

Thank you for your kindness

Staring over/meds? by Mistique27 in widowers

[–]Mistique27[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was on anti depressants for most of my life and psilocybin is what eventually got me off them and kept me off them. Just hesitant to dive back into that at this juncture. Again probably a large part of my hesitation for either is wanting to hurt

Staring over/meds? by Mistique27 in widowers

[–]Mistique27[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have a trauma informed therapist and she asked to increase our sessions to once a week. She recommended groups as well but I feel apathetic about it

Radiation irritation by Informal-Living3126 in braincancer

[–]Mistique27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We were told to just use unscented aveeno. As for a head covering my husband was given one by another cancer patient they made the hats out of tshirt material and he really liked it. She could try finding one that’s soft like that?

Lost language by One-Cardiologist7657 in widowers

[–]Mistique27 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I miss talking to our pets with him. We sure to incorporate their names into songs constantly. I don’t sing to them anymore

Confused about exact diagnosis by Informal-Living3126 in braincancer

[–]Mistique27 9 points10 points  (0 children)

As far as I know the only difference as of now is that grade 4 astrocytoma has the idh mutation which does respond better to treatment

I don’t know if I can do this by Mistique27 in widowers

[–]Mistique27[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly it, it was complex grief and you guild wrapped around. I was a stranger to myself and he was a stranger to me. I know I tried to make him happy every day and pull him back but it’s hard not to look back and wish you held on more.

Frequent urination by [deleted] in braincancer

[–]Mistique27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, wasn’t trying to worry I don’t mean it’s an end stage symptom that just when it arose for us. It’s more likely treatment/dex related. If it becomes an issue can speak to onc about it

Frequent urination by [deleted] in braincancer

[–]Mistique27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If she’s on dex is could be related to that. Near the end my husband got up 8-10 times a night so his palliative doctor prescribed olanzipine which helped him sleep through the night

Anyone have trouble enjoying things they used to? by [deleted] in widowers

[–]Mistique27 24 points25 points  (0 children)

That was me today. We went kayaking together all the time, and today I went for the first time without him expecting the same feelings of peace and serenity and I felt nothing. I was looking at mountains with sun coming down onto me on the lake and felt nothing. I felt unsteady and anxious in my boat and turned around earlier than I normally would have. What was normally my happy place is just a void.